The Day of Reckoning
by Titan5
Summary: Kolya has a plan to exact restitution from Sheppard for his crimes against the Genii people and the Colonel ends up paying a high price.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or any other part of Stargate Atlantis. I'm just borrowing them for a wee bit.

This is set about midway through season two, but most spoilers are for The Storm, The Eye, and The Brotherhood.

This one is for Rogue1503, who provided endless encouragement and ideas to help keep this boat afloat, as well as helped me smooth out some rough spots. Couldn't get far without you, girl.

A little warning: This one has a lot of Sheppard whumping, both mental and physical (I know - big shock), so if you tire of that sort of stuff easily, you might want to hit the back button now. If you don't mind the whumping, then please proceed.

The Day of Reckoning - Chapter One

The minute John Sheppard stepped through the gate, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He immediately tightened his grip on the P90 as he brought it up and stepped forward. He was aware of the rest of his team coming through the gate behind him as he surveyed the green field before them. A small path wound through the knee high grass and eventually led into the woods at the far side of the field. Sheppard saw no movement as he carefully stepped forward, but that did nothing to ease the crawling sensation in his gut. Behind him, team mates Teyla and Ronon were instantly aware of his unease and also began warily scanning the scene before them, looking for signs of trouble. Rodney McKay, however, seemed totally oblivious of the heightened sense of caution displayed by the others and his voice rang out, sounding almost raucous in the stillness of the scene before them.

"Wow, another one of those story book scenes we've become so accustomed to seeing. How is it that we travel all this way to another galaxy and every planet either looks like the Amazon or the Sahara? Isn't there any diversity in this galaxy? No wonder the Ancients left. They were bored into another galaxy. Where's this trader guy we're supposed to meet? Although I don't know why we bothered. What are the chances that someone like that will have access to a ZPM?"

"McKay," Sheppard hissed without turning around. "Shut up or I _will_ shoot you."

"W...what?" Only then did McKay notice how uneasy his team was. He began fumbling around, trying to draw his gun.

"Sheppard?" inquired Ronon, his eyes still searching the field in front of them.

"Something's not right...It just seems...hincky."

"Hincky?" Ronon looked confused.

"I believe that is an earth term for things not being as they should," interpreted Teyla, recognizing the term as one that had been explained to her before.

"I agree. Something is very definitely...hincky," responded Ronon.

"Okay, let's move out, but slowly and carefully. I'll take point, Ronon - take our six." They made it to the center of the field without any sign of trouble and were just starting to relax, when several soldiers armed with guns rushed out and surrounded them. They quickly formed a circle with their backs toward one another and their weapons aimed at the forces around them.

"Oh, crap!" Sheppard exclaimed.

"Sheppard?" asked Ronon.

McKay looked around to see what Sheppard was talking about and almost dropped his gun. He felt his legs turn to jello and fear rolled through his belly. "Oh, no," he whispered.

Sheppard steeled himself inside for what he knew would be a bad day. "Hey, Kolya...long time no see. How's the shoulder?"

Kolya stood staring at Sheppard, his expression hard and cold. "I see you still have your sense of humor, Major. I'll have to see if I can fix that."

"By the way, it's Lt. Colonel Sheppard these days. Seems I managed to get myself a promotion. How about you, _Commander _Kolya? Any promotions I should know about? I want to be sure and give you the _proper_ respect."

"Who is this Kolya?" asked Ronon quietly, not liking being at such a disadvantage with a foe the team appeared to know well.

"He was the leader of the Genii force that tried to take over Atlantis during the storm I told you of," responded Teyla.

"Yes, Major...excuse me...Colonel Sheppard and I are old friends, right Colonel?"

"The best. Hey...I seem to remember not killing you the last time we met. And I also remember telling you I wanted points for that in the future." Sheppard was grasping at straws. They were outgunned at least five to one. He wasn't seeing any way for them to walk out of this alive.

"Ah, yes. I remember Colonel. And you shall have your points. You come with us and I will let the rest of your team return to Atlantis unharmed. I think that to be a very good offer, considering the circumstances you find yourself in."

"What do you want with Colonel Sheppard?" demanded Teyla.

"Colonel Sheppard must answer for his crimes against the Genii. You left many families without husbands, fathers, or sons. The loved ones of the men you killed cry out for retribution and I have promised them that they shall have it. One way or another, you are coming with us. I do not find it necessary to kill your team...but I will not hesitate if I have to."

"Oh, puh-lease. You honestly expect us to believe that you'll just let us go if Sheppard goes with you? What kind of idiots do you take us for?" asked McKay. He was scared to death, but they didn't dare let Kolya make off with Sheppard. He knew that was probably a death sentence for the Colonel. McKay did a double take at Sheppard. He could tell by the serious look on the man's face that he was considering it. "Colonel? You aren't thinking about doing this? He'll kill us and then you and then laugh at all of us. You can't do this."

"Shut up McKay. It may be your only chance." He turned back to Kolya. "They keep their weapons all the way through the gate. I want them able to defend themselves in case you turn out to be as trustworthy as I think you are."

Kolya nodded. "I commend you, Colonel, on your acceptance of your inevitable fate. Very well. They keep their weapons...but you give me yours...as an act of good faith."

Sheppard hesitated. Just as Koyla believed he had finally broken this...this...irritation to the Genii nation, Sheppard still had the final say and of course, had to take one more parting shot. "Whatever...may as well get this done. God knows you've taken your time getting around to it. I would have had me on toast way before now if I were you ...But then I'm not...you...am I?"

"Sheppard, don't! We may not win, but we can take out a bunch of them as we go. Don't do this." Ronon tried in vain to convince Sheppard not to turn himself over.

"I do not know you, but it is Sheppard's decision. He killed almost 70 of my men and he owes the people of Genii a great debt."

Ronon's eyebrows shot up. "Almost 70 men? Sheppard...I didn't know you had it in you. Not a bad day's work for someone who's basically lazy."

Sheppard grimaced. "I have my moments."

Kolya smiled at Sheppard, already knowing the answer before he asked the question. "What will it be Colonel? Do you surrender to your punishment willingly...or do I kill your team?"

Sheppard stood his ground another few seconds. "Teyla, Ronon, McKay...keep your guns up and trained on them. If Kolya goes back on his word, kill as many of them as you can. Tell Elizabeth...just tell her I said thanks... for everything and...I have no regrets." He turned his gun around and offered it butt first to Kolya. Kolya accepted the P90. Sheppard pulled his 9mm out of the holster and handed it to the man beside Kolya.

He knew his team was still incredulous at his decision, but it was his to make. In a no win situation, he had to do as much damage control as he could to try and protect his team for as long as he had any form of leverage. Kolya wanted him - "wanted" - that gave Sheppard the chance to get his team back home safe...back to Elizabeth, to tell her. If they didn't get back, she'd never know that he would always be grateful for the chance to come to this galaxy...even if it meant he died here. He never took his eyes off the Genii Commander, but he was fully aware of the silence behind him. He needed to try and wrap this up before frustration boiled over and someone, anyone, got trigger happy.

"That's an order, Specialist Dex," he added, not taking his attention from Koyla, his tone delivering the message clearly.

"Good choice, Colonel." Kolya shifted to the side as if he might turn away from Sheppard and then wheeled around, hitting the Colonel in the face with the butt of his own P90. Sheppard was knocked to the ground from the force of the blow. The rest of his team tensed and Ronon took a step forward.

"Stand down!" yelled Sheppard. "It's okay," he said as he staggered to his feet. Two soldiers came up beside him and took hold of his arms, practically holding the swaying man up. Blood ran from a large gash streaking across the right side of his forehead and down across his temple.

"Was that really necessary?" yelled McKay, the panic evident in his voice.

Kolya just smiled smugly. "That was one from me for my men. I was very close to many of them."

Sheppard had steadied himself by then. "Yeah...well talk's cheap - you're the one who invaded my home. I was just defending my people. **You** ordered them through the gate, Kolya...I'd say you've got as much blood on your hands as I do. Have you ** told **the families of those men exactly how much your greed and ego actually contributed to their loved ones being killed? Maybe you're the one who should be apologizing to the families. I don't claim to be the galaxy's most brilliant military leader, but even **I** can see that you really suck at the strategy thing."

Kolya stood calmly staring at Sheppard as he team watched silently, wishing their CO could just lay off the sarcastic comments for a few minutes. Quick as a flash, Kolya rammed the butt of the gun into the other side of Sheppard's face. This time when he hit the ground, he didn't get up. Kolya walked up behind him and nudged him with the toe of his boot. Sheppard, lying on his left side with his back to his team, didn't move. Kolya brought his foot back and kicked Sheppard visciously in the lower back.

"Stop! I can't believe you would kick a man when he is unconscious. He is of no threat to you." said Teyla.

Kolya just smiled at her in a way that frightened her more than anything the wraith had ever done. Kolya walked around to stand in front of Sheppard. He nudged Sheppard again, this time in the stomach. When Sheppard didn't respond, he kicked him again. "Colonel Sheppard is in for a lot more than just being kicked," he smirked. "You must all go...NOW...before I change my mind."

"What do we do?" asked Rodney. "We can't just leave him here."

"I don't think we have a choice," said Ronon. "We can't help him right now. If we leave, maybe we can find a way to help him later." None of them wanted to leave Sheppard there, but to not go was instant death for all of them. Ronon was right, they decided. Maybe they could come back with reinforcements and get Sheppard. And so they backed all the way to the Stargate, dialed, and backed through the gate, all the while watching Sheppard's still form on the ground.

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As soon as McKay stepped out onto the gateroom floor, he turned and ran toward the gate controls, where he knew Elizabeth would be waiting. As he bounded up the steps two at a time, he was calling to her that they had to go back for Sheppard. Once she had assembled the whole team, it took several minutes for them to calm down enough to explain what had happened. It took several more minutes to assemble additional troops to help with the rescue. All in all, it was a good half hour later when the team returned to the planet with twenty soldiers on the ground and two jumpers. They returned to Atlantis a couple of hours later to report that Sheppard and the Genii were no where to be found. Rodney voiced his theory that they had taken the Colonel to the Genii home world within minutes of the team returning to Atlantis. They silently contemplated the chances of recovering Sheppard alive under the circumstances. None of them were hopeful.

Elizabeth sent a MALP through the stargate to the Genii home world and found, as expected, that the gate was guarded by a large contingent of soldiers with weapons trained on the gate. They knocked the MALP out with weaponfire almost as soon as it left the wormhole. They were expecting the rescue attempt and had ensured that it would not be successful.

Next, Elizabeth opened the gate and contacted Cowen by radio. He curtly replied that Sheppard was to be punished by the people he had harmed with his actions and that any attempt at rescue would be met with his execution and retaliation against the people of Atlantis. He then cut off communication. Elizabeth's only remaining course of action was to wait until the Daedalus arrived in three days and hope she could convince Caldwell to help her and that Sheppard was still alive to rescue. It was with a heavy heart and a knot in her stomach that she explained this to Sheppard's team. Everyone sat in silence, staring at the table as they realized they would probably never see Sheppard again.

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Sheppard regained conscioussness in a small, damp cell with a dirt floor. As he lay on the floor shivering, he realized they had not only taken his jacket and vest, but also his shirt and shoes. He was barefoot and bare-chested and really, really cold. He started to sit up, but the pain shooting through his head scaled up to add dizziness and nausea to the mix. He quickly lay back down on his side and curled up in a ball against the pain and the cold. His stomach and back hurt and were tender to the touch. There must have been more entertainment after he had been knocked into oblivion.

The door to his cell opened and he heard several people move into his cell. He cracked his eyes open to look up at Kolya.

"Ahh, Colonel Sheppard. I see you are awake. How is your headache?" Kolya sneered.

"Just peachy, Kolya. Thanks for your concern. Better watch it...you wouldn't want your men to think you're getting soft and starting to care," Sheppard retorted sarcastically.

Kolya nodded to the two large men who had entered the dark cell with him. They each grabbed one of Sheppard's arms and jerked him to his feet. The sudden burst of motion sent an explosion of pain through Sheppard's head and his legs buckled beneath him. As he began to sink, the two soldiers jerked him back upright, snapping his head back and sparking the nausea and dizziness again. With no chance to recover between the violent episodes, Sheppard leaned forward and vomited, spraying Kolya's boots and lower pant legs.

When Sheppard quit heaving and managed to get his bearings enough to realize what he had done, he looked up into Kolya's angry expression. "Oops."

Kolya stepped around the puddle on the floor and stood directly in front of Sheppard. He grabbed the Colonel's chin and jerked it up, sending spasms of pain through his already aching head. "We will see how much sarcasm and wit you have tomorrow, Colonel Sheppard. I will look forward to seeing how funny you think your punishment is. We will come for you at first light. Sleep well, Colonel." With a snap, he let go of Sheppard's face and punched him hard in the stomach. Sheppard grunted as he doubled over and tried desperately to suck air into his lungs.

The two men holding him upright abruptly threw him to the ground and followed Kolya to the door. As Sheppard heard the door close, he called out, "I hope your shoes come clean, Commander." The sound of the door locking seemed unusually loud to Sheppard as he curled back up on his side, vainly attempting to shut out the pain and the cold and the fear of what tomorrow would bring.

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Sheppard was jolted awake as two soldiers pulled him to his feet by his arms. Between the pain, the cold, and the concussion, he hadn't slept well and he felt sluggish and groggy. The rough treatment without so much as a wake up call wasn't making his head or bruised torso feel any better.

"What...no Good Morning to greet the day?" he asked the guards as they drug him out of the cell. He was dizzy and barely conscious and having a hard time getting his legs working beneath him. They obviously weren't in the mood to wait.

When they left the underground prison where he'd been kept, he immediately closed his eyes against the sunlight. He stumbled blindly along for several minutes before they stopped. He was aware of his wrists being shackled above his head as he stood half-naked, still shivering from the seeping cold of the night. As his eyes adjusted and he was able to see, he discovered he was staked out in the middle of what appeared to be a town square filled with people. Kolya stood in front of him with that all too familiar evil smirk.

"Welcome to hell, Colonel," he said softly to Sheppard before turning to the crowd. "This is Colonel John Sheppard of Atlantis. He is the one responsible for the death of almost 70 Genii. He killed your sons, your husbands, your fathers, your brothers. He is here for the just retribution from the Genii people. You have all drawn numbers to establish the order in which you may exact your revenge. When it is your family's turn, each member of the family may confront Colonel Sheppard. You may say anything that you want and inflict physical pain in exchange for your loss. You may not, however, kill him. Each family must have an equal opportunity to punish Colonel Sheppard. You may choose the method of punishment you use, but you must not kill him. If he dies at the end of the ceremony as a result of the injuries he sustains, then so be it. Are there any questions?"

Silence filled the courtyard as it began to sink in on Sheppard just how bad his day was probably going to get.

"All right. We begin. Will the first family step forward?"

A family stepped out of the crowd and made their way over to Sheppard. The woman in front spoke to him first. "I am Salaie, wife of Torraine, who you killed. These are his sons, Darius is 8 and Jonsanah is 10." Her voice faltered as she wiped away her tears.

The younger boy kicked Sheppard hard in the shin. "You killed my father. I hate you! I hope you die!" He kicked Sheppard again in almost the same place. The older boy just glared at Sheppard, anger smoldering in his eyes.

The woman, now openly crying, looked back up at Sheppard. "Remember always what you have done to my family," she said and then she spit on him. The woman and the children moved to the side in order to allow an older couple with them to move up to Sheppard.

The older woman immediately slapped him. It might not have seemed so bad if he hadn't already been knocked in the head twice with the butt of his P90. As it was, he fought off a raging case of double vision as the man announced that Torraine had been his son. Sheppard's head was just beginning to clear when the man punched him soundly in the stomach, followed by a blow to the jaw. He wasn't sure if the man was exceedingly strong for his age of if he was just extra weak right now. Everything grayed for a minute. When his vision finally cleared, family number two was waiting.

And so his day went. Family after family introduced themselves and told of their loss before punching, kicking, slapping, and/or spitting on him. In one family, five children ages five to fifteen pummelled him with rocks for several minutes until Kolya finally stopped them. Several women in the afternoon batch of families discovered their blows were more effective when delivered with a stick. Kolya had to pull one woman off Sheppard after she beat him unconscious and then continued to lay down blow after blow until Kolya was afraid she would kill him.

Sheppard had been drifting in and out of awareness when he realized they were taking him down. He had ceased to feel his arms hours ago, but when they dropped to his sides it felt as though both shoulders had been violently ripped out of socket. He yelped in pain and dropped to his knees. The two burly soldiers grabbed his arms and jerked him upright, making his shoulders feel as though his joints were full of shards of glass, grinding away.

He looked around the courtyard and realized most of the people were gone and it was getting quite dark. He'd been hanging there all day as the Genii cursed him and beat him. His lips were swollen, cracked, and dry, except for the small trickle of blood still oozing from his most recent punch in the face. Every square inch of him hurt.

"We done?" he managed to croak.

Kolya smiled. "No, Colonel. But it is late and the people are tired. We begin again at daybreak." He nodded at the two guards, who drug him back to his cell and threw him rather unceremoniously to the floor. Before they left, one of them set a small cup of water on the floor by the door.

"The Commander said you could have a small drink of water. We wouldn't want you to die of thirst." The two men laughed loudly as they closed and locked the door. Sheppard lay curled on his side, looking at the small cup. After a while, he slowly lifted his head and crawled over to the cup. His hands were shaking so badly as he picked the cup up that he was afraid he would spill it all before he got it to his lips. It was warm and dirty and Sheppard didn't care. He drank every drop and fervently wished he had more.

Convinced he could get no more water from the cup, he dropped it on the ground and curled back up in a fetal position, alone with the pain, the cold, and the haunting faces of the families of the men he had killed. He closed his eyes, but he kept hearing their names and seeing their grieving faces. The sweat and blood that covered his body caused the dirt from the floor to stick to his open wounds, but he didn't care. He was a dead man and he knew it. There would be no last minute rescue this time...not on the Genii home world. The best he could hope for was that death would come quickly tomorrow and end his suffering.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

The Day of Reckoning - Chapter Two

Day two of the Genii retribution began pretty much the same as the first day had, with Sheppard being jerked to his feet at daybreak. Weak and disorientied, they were shackling his arms above his head before he could remember where he was and what was happening. Dread filled him to the very core. He opened his swollen eyelids as far as he could to find Koyla standing in front of him.

"I hope you slept well, Colonel. Welcome to your second day of punishment."

Sheppard's mouth was so dry and his lips so swollen that he was unable to respond. He tried to spit at Kolya, but the small amount of moisture he was able to come up with just made the attempt seem pathetic. Kolya laughed in his face.

"Better save that for later, Colonel. You'll need it to get through the day." Kolya turned to the crowd that had once again filled the square. "Who is the next family?"

The morning proceeded much as day one had gone with a lot of punching, hitting, and kicking. Unfortunately for Sheppard, some of the afternoon crowd decided to get creative. He had seen a group of teenage boys talking and looking at him much like a wild animal eyes his prey. Early in the afternoon, one of the boys came up with his family and that's when the fun really began. Sheppard knew he was in trouble when the boy brought out a knife. He smiled as he slowly turned it over in his hand right in front of Sheppard's face, taunting him. Sheppard thought this act of punishment was more about a perverse power play than about retribution for perceived crimes.

"Just do it," he whispered hoarsely, his eyes never wavering from the boy.

The boy leaned his face into Sheppard's so that he could feel the boy's hot breath on his face. "Okay...I will." The boy walked around behind him and Sheppard braced himself for the pain. He refused to cry out, but grit his teeth in agony as the boy slowly carved on his back for what seemed like an eternity. Sheppard was barely hanging onto consciousness as the kid came back around to face him. "My father's name was Tannus. If you survive this, you will wear his name for the rest of your days."

When the boy returned to his friends, they gave him what Sheppard deduced was the Genii version of a high five. As the afternoon wore on, two more of the boys carved the initials of their fathers into his back and shoulders. Towards the end of the afternoon, the fourth boy took his turn. He decided Sheppard's back was getting a little crowded, so he went for the abdomen. It took a while, because Sheppard kept passing out and Kolya stopped the boy each time until Sheppard could be revived. He didn't want the Colonel to miss anything.

The last family of the day included the three brothers of a deceased soldier. Each of them had brought a knife, albeit small. Sheppard wanted to ask them if they were also going to wax artistic, because the unused canvas area was really beginning to shrink. Unfortunately, his mouth was so dry and swollen, he wasn't able to get any sound out. As cold as the nights were, the days seemed to be incredibly hot, especially when you were staked out in the sun all day, and he just didn't have any moisture left in his mouth or throat. As they stood there grinning at him, he couldn't help but wonder if the Genii had dentists - because these three were in dire need of one. He had moved on to wondering if they brushed their teeth and flossed on this planet when the first brother planted his knife in Sheppard's right thigh, a few inches above his knee. Since his mind had been wandering, it caught him off guard and he grunted in pain and shock. He barely had time to recover from the first wound when the second brother plunged his knife in Sheppard's left thigh.

He woke to a bucket of water in the face, the shock of the water taking his breath away. He licked every drop of liquid heaven he could from around his mouth, the small amount of moisture just teasing his parched throat. He was never sure what the third brother did, if anything. When Sheppard regained consciousness, the young man was just standing there staring at him. His body was already so racked with pain that he couldn't tell if anything new had been added to the mix or not. Sheppard wanted to incite him to anger in some way, so the man would lose control and kill him, but he just didn't have the energy.

All the passing out and carving during the day had eaten up a lot of time, so Kolya informed Sheppard as they took him down at sunset that there would have to be a day three. They threw him in the cell and set out a cup of water, just as they had the night before. But Sheppard found he couldn't make himself crawl over to the cup. Instead he just curled up and prayed for death.

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Jerked to his feet for day three, Sheppard's mind seemed shrouded in a gray fog. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to focus his eyes. When anything moved, it was as though it left a visual echo in its wake. He also found that he couldn't stop shaking and he felt cold from the inside out.

Sheppard was barely aware as they shackled his arms above his head once again. This time, however, he hung limply, his legs no longer able to support his weight. He was fairly certain that he had dislocated his right shoulder when they released him and his legs folded up underneath him. He was beyond reasonable thought, his world consisting only of the pain, the cold, and the haunting faces of the last two days.

Day three ended up lasting most of the day, even though they were down to the last few families. Kolya was obsessed with keeping Sheppard conscious, which was getting harder by the minute. Sheppard was beginning to go into shock and staying lucid was proving almost impossible. Kolya was having to slap Sheppard or throw cold water in his face every few minutes. Sheppard was thankful no one brought a knife to today's festivities until the brother of one of the fallen soldiers showed up with a whip he apparently used on his animals. Sheppard wasn't sure how many lashes Kolya allowed because he kept passing out and losing count, but he thought it was somewhere between twelve and twenty. He hung limply for over an hour while Kolya tried angrily to revive him. When he finally got his eyes open, Kolya was in his face.

"You have one more family, Colonel. You WILL stay awake and give them satisfaction."

Sheppard's eyes were open, but his head hung lifelessly to one side. He simply didn't have the strength to hold it up. He just wanted it to be over. He was ready for death. More ready than he ever thought he would be. An old woman walked slowly up to him and stood watching him. He waited for her to have a sudden burst of energy that would enable her to smack him into next week.

"Just...kill...me," he managed to croak out, his voice barely audible through his dry, swollen lips.

The woman continued to look at him. She reached out and touched his cheek. He flinched, expecting a blow of some kind, but she gently caressed his cheek and smiled.

"You have a good heart. I believe you have suffered enough. I forgive you for killing my grandson. I only ask that you honor his death."

Sheppard watched as she walked away, completely numb both inside and out. And then he surrendered to the darkness. He wasn't aware of the men who unshackled him, letting him drop bonelessly into the dirt. He wasn't aware of Kolya telling his men that anyone who had friends among those killed by Sheppard was welcome to issue their own punishment. He wasn't aware of the men who stood kicking his unconscious form as he lay bleeding into the dirt. He wasn't aware of the two soldiers that dragged him to the gate and deposited him on the ground by the DHD.

Kolya slapped Sheppard in the face until he finally got his eyes open a slit. "Colonel, I'm sending you home now. If you manage to survive and you find you cannot live with your guilt, then return to me and I will put you out of your misery." He put a gun to Sheppard's temple and pulled the trigger. Sheppard didn't even flinch as the empty gun made a clicking noise. "I will do you this favor as one soldier to another."

Kolya stood and looked at the man next to him. "Dial the gate."

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Weir was in her office with Colonel Caldwell, trying to convince him to help her rescue Sheppard when the alarms went off.

"Unscheduled off-world activation."

"Do we know who it is yet?" she asked as she walked out of her office, Caldwell hot on her heels.

"No IDC yet...Ma'am...it's the Genii home world."

Weir's face drained of color. "Ma'am, we have an incoming radio transmission."

"Play it," she said.

The tech hit the switch and Kolya's voice filled the gateroom. "Dr. Weir, this is Commander Kolya of the Genii. We are finished with Colonel Sheppard. I am about to send you what is left of him through the gate. If you want him back, I'd suggest you lower the shield. You have about 20 seconds before Colonel Sheppard either arrives in Atlantis or impacts your shield. It makes no difference to me which you choose." The voice ended abruptly.

Caldwell looked at Weir. "You can't lower the shield. It's probably a trick."

"And what if it's not?" she asked. "Lower the shield," she said to the tech.

The shield was lowered and a few seconds later, Sheppard barreled through the event horizon and landed in a heap on the floor. The soldiers surrounding the gate kept their weapons trained on him until it became apparent that he was unconscious. As the gate shut down. Elizabeth raced to Sheppard's side. "Get a med team down here, NOW!"

She gasped as she turned him over. He was still shirtless and shoeless. He was covered with both dried and fresh blood mixed with sweat and dirt. What she could see of his skin was either ghostly pale or mottled with varicolored bruising. His hair was caked and matted with blood and dirt. Both eyes were blackened and swollen, as was most of his face. His bare upper torso was also covered in bruises, blood, and dirt. His back was a mass of open, bleeding wounds.

Elizabeth pressed her trembling fingers against his neck, not really expecting to find a pulse. She was almost breathless when she discovered a weak link to life pulsating gently under her fingertips. "I've got a pulse. He's alive," she announced to anyone who was listening. She thought she heard an audible sigh of relief from those in the room.

Carson Beckett entered the gateroom with his medical team and paused at the sight of Sheppard. "Bloody heck," he said under his breath. He kneeled beside Sheppard and Elizabeth looked up at him, shock evident on her face.

"He's got a pulse, Carson. He's alive."

Beckett wasn't really sure how anyone that looked like Sheppard did could be alive and he knew how badly Elizabeth had been stressing about not being able to help the Colonel, so he decided to check for a pulse himself. Pleasantly surprised at finding one, he then listened to Sheppard's chest and checked his neck and face. He turned to his team. "He's breathin' and his airway is clear. Let's get him to the infirmary as quickly as possible. We cannot do much for him here."

Elizabeth watched as they carefully moved Sheppard onto the gurney and began rolling it toward the infirmary.

"Carson..." she said, catching his arm as he started to turn away.

His expression did nothing to ease her mind. He paused, unsure of what to say. "I'll do what I can, lass." And then they were gone. She stood there for several minutes, her thoughts tangled between having him back and not being sure if he would live. She had seen him in bad shape, but wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone in that bad a shape that wasn't dead.

"Dr. Weir." She looked up to see Caldwell approaching her. "Dr. Weir, that was not very smart. That could have just as easily been a Genii strike force prepared to enter Atlantis."

Her anger flashed as she assimilated the fact that Caldwell would probably just as soon that Sheppard was dead. "But it wasn't, was it? It was John Sheppard, the military commander of this base and a good friend. And while we are on the subject, what if it had been a strike force? We had a military contingent on the floor of the gateroom. We could have reactivated the shield in seconds and easily handled the few soldiers that might have gotten through. It wasn't worth the risk of killing Colonel Sheppard."

"I'm just saying that..."

"I'm well aware of what you are saying and I'd appreciate it if you didn't say it in front of me. I'm still in charge here and I make the decisions. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to contact Colonel Sheppard's team and let them know he's back." She hurried to her office, afraid she would cry in front of Caldwell and she knew she absolutely could not risk doing that.

TBC

Well, at least he's home. Now the hard part begins.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: I have no medical expertise and I'm sure it shows like a big blinking neon sign this chapter, so please forgive me if this is inaccurate, unrealistic, or otherwise just ridiculous. I know...I've been watching too much TV.

On a different note, thank you sooooooooooo very much for the reviews. I do a happy dance over each and every one! You guys really know how to make a girl's day!

The Day of Reckoning - Chapter Three

Almost before the gurney had stopped moving, the finely tuned medical team launched into action. Dr. Nick Strauhan had come on duty and he, along with several nurses were waiting on Beckett's arrival at the infirmary with a very battered Colonel Sheppard. Strauhan began taking Sheppard's vital signs as Marcy started an IV. Kelly began the task of working around everyone to remove what little of Sheppard's clothing remained. She very carefully draped a sheet over him as she began to cut the filthy, blood soaked pants from his body. She was well aware of how private a person he was and had way too much respect for him to allow him to be on display. Even though he was unconscious and the medical staff was too preoccupied with saving his life to care about his state of dress, she still felt the need to abide by what she knew he would want.

Beckett barked out an order for x-rays as he began to survey the damage to his most frequent patient. He sighed audibly as he worked. He began with the head injuries. Sheppard's face was a virtual battlefield of injuries. A long, ugly gash went down one side of his head and face. It looked as if it had been inflicted several days ago, and then reopened on more than one occasion. New blood mixed with dried, older blood, and dirt around and in the wound. It would take several stitches to close and most likely leave a scar. It was sure to be the source of a concussion, if not a skull fracture. The heavy bruising around the wound was a testament to how hard the blow had been. Another nasty bruise was on the other side of his head. This one didn't have the gaping cut accompanying it, but the bruising seemed even heavier. Yeah...at least a concussion. Added to that were swollen, cracked lips and two black eyes that would have been swollen almost shut if he had been awake to try and open them. Beckett was beginning to be glad that Sheppard was unconscious.

Nick reported Sheppard's pulse and blood pressure. Pulse was rapid and weak, blood pressure low. He appeared to have lost a significant amount of blood and Beckett ordered one of the extra nurses waiting on the sidelines to assist to make sure they would have blood available in case the Colonel needed a transfusion. Marcy reported his temperature was 101. Beckett was not suprised, expecting infection in someone with this many filthy open wounds. It looked like he had received no care for any of his injuries and it was obvious he was severely dehydrated. He had apparently received little or no water during his period of captivity. Beckett found his anger rising within and one look at Nick's face confirmed that he was not the only one feeling that way.

The two doctors looked at the injuries on the Colonel's chest and abdomen. The bruising was, once again, extensive. Nick scrutinized the cuts in his abdomen. "Carson...do these look like...symbols of some kind to you."

Beckett bent over and looked closely. "They are...someone... has written on him with a bloody knife." Beckett and Strauhan both found themselves fighting a mounting battle of anger at what the Genii had done to Sheppard.

The x-ray technician arrived and the attending medical staff stepped back to let him get the requested x-rays. He was quick and efficient and they were back to working on Sheppard in no time.

Beckett probed Sheppard's sides and abdomen, carefully moving his fingers over Sheppard's discolored skin and occasionally listening through his stethoscope. He finally looked up at Nick. "I won't know for sure til we see the x-rays in a few minutes, but it looks like we may have a couple of broken ribs on the right side. Looks like we've also got a bit of internal bleeding. We'll be needin' to watch that."

Nick nodded. "I noticed his right shoulder seems to be dislocated."

"Aye...I saw that as well. I wanted to wait for the x-rays before we set it back, though. There's no tellin' how long it's been displaced or what damage has been done. We need to roll him and look at his back. I believe he has several injuries there as well. Nick, I'll need you to secure his right arm and shoulder. Marcy and Kelly, you need to be ready to clean his wounds as best you can so I can see what we are dealin' with." He watched as the two nurses gathered their materials. He then looked up at Nick. "Ready?"

Beckett stood on Sheppard's left side and Nick on his right. When Beckett nodded, they worked together to roll Sheppard up on his left side, with Nick holding Sheppard's right arm in place and helping support his weight. Marcy and Kelly worked together to clean the wounds on his back. As they washed the dirt, blood, and filth away and the injuries became clear, all four of the medical staff gasped at what had been done to Sheppard. On top of the bruises were signs of carving and whipping.

Kelly frowned at what she saw. "There are more symbols back here. It's like they...carved words...or names into his flesh. How can one human do that to another human?" She shuddered in disbelief at the cruelty they were witnessing.

"Doctor," said Marcy. Both doctors looked at Sheppard's lower back, where she was pointing. "I thought you might want to see this." The bruising was extensive, especially on the left side.

Nick looked over at Beckett. "Possible bruised kidney?"

Beckett nodded. "We'd better keep an eye out for that as well. That could also be a source of internal bleeding."

When Marcy and Kelly had finished cleaning Sheppard's back as well as they could, they placed a clean pad underneath Sheppard so as not to undo their work. The two doctors then gently eased Sheppard down to his back again. "Well," Beckett said. "We'll have to stitch his back up later, after we are sure the internal bleeding isn't goin' to be a problem. At least none of the injuries appear too deep."

Nick nodded. "Did you see the wounds on his legs?" He pulled the sheet off Sheppard's legs, tucking it between his legs and around his upper thighs, unconsciously continuing Kelly's vigil to keep Sheppard's dignity in tact. The two doctors examined the wound in the middle thigh of each leg.

"Stab wounds?" asked Beckett.

"That's what it looks like to me. Fortunately, it looks as though the knife was small. There may be some minor muscle damage, but at least they didn't hit an artery and cause him to bleed to death. Should be okay with some stitching as soon as they are cleaned out."

Beckett nodded in agreement. "We better get him on some broad spectrum antibiotics soon. We could start a bloody biohazard unit with the bacteria that have to be thriving in the Colonel's wounds. I've never seen such wanton disregard for human life or feelings unless it was someone they planned on killing. You have to wonder why they did all this only to send him back."

Nick shook his head. "Doesn't make much sense. But then, their reasoning has a bit of a history at being flawed."

Marcy and Kelly moved in to begin cleaning the stab wounds on Sheppard's legs. All four noticed the extensive bruising on both legs, realizing that he had undoubtedly been kicked numerous times to receive the injuries. Marcy and Kelly kept flashing each other looks of mixed sorrow at the Colonel's state and anger at anyone who would do this kind of damage.

"X-rays are here," chirped a petite nurse, running in with a stack of images. Beckett and Strauhan immediately went to examine them while the two nurses finished cleaning and bandaging Sheppard's wounds as best they could and then carefully replaced the sheet over his still, pale form.

Using the lighted board on the wall, the two doctors looked through the first set of x-rays. Beckett sighed in relief. "No skull fracture, although he does have a nasty concussion."

"That's something, at least," responded Nick, taking the images down so that Beckett could put up the next set. "His shoulder's a mess."

Beckett nodded. "We can go ahead and set it back, but he may need surgery later. He probably has some torn ligaments. We can get an MRI when he's out of danger. Looks like two broken ribs and maybe another cracked one."

Nick nodded. "Do you think..."

"Doctor Beckett!" The sharp tone of Marcy's voice got the immediate attention of both physicians and they hurriedly moved to Sheppard's bed. "His blood pressure is dropping."

Beckett pulled the sheet down to Sheppard's lower abdomen and began palpating the Major's abdomen. His frown increased as he went lower and lower down Sheppard's torso. "Notify the surgical team we'll be needing them after all...he's got a belly full of blood. Get him prepped and let's get him started on a unit of blood...he's going to need it. Do we have his type?"

The petite nurse that had brought Beckett the x-rays stepped up. "We have two units of his type available, Doctor."

Beckett nodded. "Okay, we'll need them both. Make sure we have some O negative available in case we need it or you might check with the Daedalus to see if they have any. If not, there should be a list of people with his type in his file...round up some donors."

"Doctor...his team is in the waiting area...and Dr. Weir...what should I tell them?"

Nick motioned Carson toward the surgery area. "Go...I'll talk to them and join you in a minute."

Beckett nodded gratefully. "Thank you. See you in a minute." Beckett headed toward surgery to scrub up, as Nick headed for Sheppard's team in the waiting area.

McKay and Ronon were pacing around the waiting area while Teyla and Elizabeth sat in chairs. All of them approached Nick when they saw him headed their way.

"Dr. Strauhan?" asked Elizabeth.

Nick nodded at the concerned people in front of him. He noted that Colonel Caldwell stood in the background, his arms crossed across his chest. The look on his face was a far cry from the intense worry he saw on the other faces. He was obviously here as a formality or to gather information so he wouldn't be left out of the loop. Nick chose to ignore his presence.

"Okay...I know you are all concerned about Colonel Sheppard, so let me see if I can give you a rundown of his condition. There is extensive bruising and abrasions, both superficial and deep. The Colonel has a pretty bad concussion and a nasty cut on his head that will require some stitching. He has two broken ribs and a cracked one and a dislocated shoulder. He's been stabbed once in each leg and, has quite a few more superficial cuts. He's seriously dehydrated and he's running a fever, no doubt from infection. Our main concern right now, however, is that he's bleeding internally. Carson just took him to surgery and I need to go assist. Between the surgery and stitching him up, we'll be working on him most of the night. You may want to check back in the morning."

They exchanged looks and then Teyla spoke. "Doctor, if it is all right with you, I think we will stay right here. Will you let us know when the Colonel is out of surgery?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah...I think we can do that. It may be a while, but I'll talk to you later." As Nick turned and headed back toward surgery, he found himself smiling. He had expected that they wouldn't leave and they hadn't disappointed him. He did, however, doubt that Caldwell hung around all night.

Several hours later, Beckett straightened and rolled his stiff shoulder muscles. "I think maybe we're finally finished," he said to Nick from behind the surgical mask. They had just spend the last several hours hunting and repairing bleeders and trying to repair internal damage. It had been tiring and frustrating work. They would fix one damaged vessel only to discover blood coming from another source. Sheppard had obviously been beaten repeatedly to sustain this degree of damage.

Nick noticed how tired Beckett looked and reminded himself that the physician had been on his feet since that morning. "Carson, why don't I close and you can go talk to Dr. Weir and his team. You know they are anxious to know how he's doing."

Beckett weighed the option of staying with Sheppard until he was sutured against that of letting his team know his condition. He knew from experience that they would be worried until they knew he would be okay. He was aware that Nick was trying to get him out a few minutes early, but he was also aware that talking to Sheppard's friends was a valid reason to do so. He opted for an early out. "Aye...I'll go talk to them. Then I'll come back and help you set his shoulder and finish suturin' his wounds."

"Uh, Carson...I can handle it. Kelly can help me make sure we get him fixed and settled. You've been at it all day and half the night. Why don't you take off after you talk to them and we'll handle the rest."

Carson smiled behind the mask. "Nice try, Nick, but I'm not goin' anywhere yet." Beckett turned around and went out the door of the surgical suite. He tossed his bloody gloves in a biohazard container, pulled his mask down around his neck, and headed for the waiting area.

It was late and he found the worried group spread out in and across the chairs of the waiting area in various positions. As he drew near, they began to straighten themselves and stretch, meeting him at the edge of the ring of chairs. No one said a word, but waited patiently for Beckett's report. He wasn't sure if they were showing restraint or fear, possibly thinking they didn't want to hear the answers to their unasked questions.

When they were all assembled, he began. "He made it through the surgery okay and he's stable for now. We believe we have all the bleedin' stopped and the internal damage repaired. Nick's closing him up now. We still have some work to do tonight...we have to put his shoulder back in place and stitch up some of his deeper cuts."

The group before him seemed to relax somewhat at the news, thankful that he was doing as well as he was. 

"Does that mean that he'll be okay?" asked Elizabeth hopefully.

Becket hesitated just a second before answering. "I cannot guarantee anything...but if he doesn't start bleedin' again and we can keep his temperature down, I think he'll recover. Elizabeth...we'll do the best we can stitching him up, but...because of the severity of some of the injuries and the length of time before treatment, as well as the infection that has set up in some of the wounds...there's probably going to be some extensive scarring. This type of trauma can often lead to psychological scarring as well, especially when you consider the cruel treatment he as received the last few days. As near as we can tell, he's had little or no water or food. He's been beaten, whipped, stabbed, and carved on with a knife for the last three days. You saw how filthy he was and how underdressed he was. I suspect his fever is only partially due to wound infections, although there's plenty of evidence of that. What I'm trying to say is that he may need as much or more help with his psychological recovery as with his physical one."

"We will be there for him," assured Teyla.

McKay had begun to move from foot to foot with nervous energy. "I knew it. I knew we shouldn't have let him go with Kolya. We should have done something..."

"What would you have had us do?" asked Ronon. "There wasn't any other way out... Sheppard knew that."

McKay face looked stricken with guilt. "He did this to save us...all of us...Why does he always do that? Why can't he just think of himself for once? He had to know they planned something bad for him...why couldn't he just..."

"Just what, McKay?" asked Ronon, who was also feeling the guilt, deep in his gut, of letting Sheppard go. "What could he have done differently that would not have resulted in all of our deaths?"

McKay just stood there, looking at the floor. He didn't say anything because he knew that answer...nothing. They had been in a box and Sheppard had taken the hit for all of them...again. He closed his eyes, wishing he had been able to find another way out that would have saved Sheppard from the torture and agony of the last few days. But he knew there was nothing there.

Teyla placed her hand on McKay's shoulder. "Colonel Sheppard chose the path for all of us. It was his decision, not ours. If conditions were reversed, we would do the same for him. You must take comfort in that."

But McKay couldn't take comfort, because he wasn't sure if he would have had the courage to do what Sheppard had done. He would like to think he would...but he just wasn't sure. The doubt made him feel useless and cowardly and guilty.

"When can we see him?" asked Elizabeth, shifting McKay's thoughts back to Sheppard's current condition.

"Not anytime soon. I need to get back so I can help Nick. Maybe in the morning and then only for a minute. He won't be conscious for quite a while. I'll be back when we've got him completely settled." Beckett turned and went back into the infirmary, leaving Elizabeth and Sheppard's team to think about what he'd said. At that moment in time, if any one of them had been given the opportunity, they would have gladly killed Kolya.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note**: I owe a HUGE thanks to togitnj for helping write this chapter. She offered to beta in order to help develop my writing skills, but I think she ended up writing more than I did in the process (LOL). What can I say? This chapter was a mess. When I get time, maybe I can go back to chapter 3 and see if any of it is salvageable. In the meantime, the bar has been raised and I'm a bit nervous.

As always, I need to thank Rogue1503 for once again loaning me Nick and for keeping the encouragement coming, no matter what. Thanks for all the late night boosts from across the pond. To all of you who took time to review – thank you so much!

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 4

Nick finished tying off the last suture and leaned back to inspect his handiwork.

"Nice job."

He looked up to see Kelly standing beside him. "Thanks. I was just checking the sutures . . . making sure I didn't pull them too tight. I want to minimize the scarring as much as possible. He'll have enough to deal with. I'd hate to think we added to it."

They stood in silence for a second. "Is he going to be okay?"

Nick looked down at her worried expression, reflecting that her respect and compassion for her patients made her one of the best nurses he'd ever known.

"He should be okay. We have the bleeding under control. He'll still need another unit or two of blood, but I think they rounded up some donors, so we should have enough."

Kelly smiled. Yeah . . . they have enough."

"What?"

"Well, according to Amy, they put out a call, and the next thing they knew, they had a room and a hall full of people wanting to donate. Even some of the guys off the Daedalus came over. They took the opportunity to lay in a few extra pints, but they eventually had to run people off."

Nick shook his head. "Wow. That's incredible. Too bad we can't tell him—he could use the boost. It'd be a good way to let him know he's back among people who care about him."

Nick smiled at Kelly's nod. "Anyway, back to your question; if we can keep the infection under control the next couple of days and he doesn't spring any more leaks, he should be fine."

"That's good, but it really wasn't what I was asking. I meant . . . will he be okay inside, from everything they did to him. It was just so much for so many days . . . the phrase 'the straw that broke the camel's back' comes to mind."

Nick sighed and looked back down at Sheppard. "I don't think anyone can answer that just yet. That he's made it this far says he's strong, emotionally as well as physically, but . . . I just don't know. We'll just have to give him all the support we can; let him know he's not alone."

Kelly nodded, but she was still frowning. "I'll get him cleaned up."

Beckett returned a while later to find Nick suturing Sheppard's head wound. They had moved Sheppard to a bed and Nick was sitting near his head, a light trained on the wound. Beckett stood and watched in silence for several minutes before Nick finally looked up.

"Checking up on me?"

"Aye, always." Beckett smiled. "Like I _need_ to check up on you. I was just watching you work. Your stitches are smoother than mine, less likely to scar."

Nick grinned, but only for a second. "Thank you. I'm trying to be extra careful, but it's still gonna leave a scar. The wound was too deep and too dirty and went too long without treatment . . . a nice reminder every time he looks in a mirror."

Beckett considered that as he watched the younger doctor work. "He could always go back to Earth for plastic surgery now that the Daedalus makes regular trips."

"He won't," Nick said, tying another knot.

"I know."

When Nick finished, Beckett came over and helped him treat the rest of Sheppard's injuries. They checked on his chest and abdomen, putting a few stitches in some of the deeper cuts. They reduced his shoulder and secured it firmly. They each sutured one of the stab wounds on his thighs before bandaging them with Kelly's and Marcy's help.

Treating the numerous wounds on his back proved tricky. They ended up shifting him onto his left side and supporting that position with pillows so as not to put pressure on his wounds or suture sites. This was further complicated by the need to avoid tangling or pulling lines for the IV, transfusion, catheter, or monitor wires; they really had the makings of a tangled mess if they weren't careful.

When at last they had him situated, the four medical team members stood looking at the bloody mess that was John Sheppard's back. The pad they had applied earlier after cleaning his wounds was now bloody. They could barely see the carvings for the raw, weeping stripes caused by the whipping.

"What _is_ that?" asked Marcy.

Beckett sighed, long and sad. "I believe they whipped him."

Marcy grimaced. "Whipped? As in . . . with a whip, like they use on animals?"

"Aye, I'm afraid so. That's why we're goin' to clean these wounds again. If they did use one they'd used on animals, the potential for infection is high."

Kelly peered at his back, unable to stop herself. "How many . . . ?"

Nick tried to count, but kept getting lost where they overlapped or ran almost parallel. "Uh . . . somewhere between eighteen and twenty, I think." Nick shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"Alright people, we've got a patient to help," said Beckett softly, stirring them out of their stupor. "Let's get to work."

When done cleaning and bandaging, they tucked Sheppard's blanket around him.

"I think we're done," said Kelly. Her mind wandered and she found herself muttering, ". . . all the king's horses and all the king's men . . ."

"No," interrupted Nick, locking his eyes with hers. "We _did_ put him together again."

Kelly looked at the floor.

"Aye, that we did," said Beckett. "I'll go get his team and give them a minute with him." He looked at his personnel before he left. "Good job, everyone. Good job."

They smiled at each other briefly—they had done a good job and they knew it. Kelly and Marcy left after straightening the area, but Nick decided to stay.

Beckett returned a few minutes later, followed by Weir, McKay, Ronon, and Teyla. Without speaking, they moved in and surrounded the bed. Beckett had brought them up to date.

"He looks so pale," whispered Teyla. The bruises on his battered face stood out in sharp contrast to his ashen features. Bandages covered his head, shoulder, and what they could see of his chest and abdomen. They were afraid to touch him.

"It's from the blood loss. His color should be better by tomorrow." Nick looked at his watch—past midnight. "Uh, by later today."

Elizabeth felt her insides tremble at the extent of Sheppard's injuries. What he must have endured for days, knowing they couldn't come for him . . . "Carson."

"I told you, lass. Barring complications, he'll recover. It'll be a slow and painful; don't be expectin' him to bounce back in a week because it's not goin' to happen. Most of his injuries aren't severe as in life threatenin', but they are painful and they'll be takin' a while to heal. We're goin' to have to give him time . . . and a lot of support."

"We'll give him anything he needs," said McKay, his voice trembling. "We left him in the hands of Kolya; the least we can do is make sure he has everything he needs now."

"Rodney, you had no choice. And you only did what he told you to do," said Elizabeth.

"Yeah. I just wish that made it easier to live with."

Ronon and Teyla nodded in agreement.

"The important thing to focus on now is helpin' the Colonel get better and helpin' him deal with what's happened. Don't let guilt get in the way of that, or you really will be lettin' him down." Beckett let them sit by Sheppard for a few more minutes, then sent them on their way. "He'll be heavily sedated the next day or two; he won't even know if you're here. So get some rest, and let him get his."

The infirmary might as well have had a revolving door over the next two days. Elizabeth and each member of Sheppard's team stopped by several times a day to check on his condition. As did a steady stream of other personnel, stopping on their way to wherever to see how the Colonel was doing. Beckett and his staff were on the verge of hanging a sign outside the infirmary door that gave a constant update on Sheppard's condition. McKay and Elizabeth in particular wanted to sit with Sheppard, but Beckett put them off the first forty-eight hours. They were changing his dressings frequently and watching his temperature closely, and Beckett didn't want extra people around.

On the third day, Elizabeth dropped by on her way to her office. She found Beckett checking Sheppard and making notes on his chart.

"How's he doing?" she asked as she walked up to stand opposite the doctor.

Beckett looked up from his notes. "Better, but not as well as I'd hoped. His blood pressure's up a bit and his temperature's down a bit, but I had really hoped he'd progress faster than this. I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe the infection is takin' more out of him than I'm allowin' for."

Elizabeth reached down and took Sheppard's hand in hers. "Think I could stay with him a minute? Or do you still think it'd be better—"

She stopped at the sound of a low moan. Sheppard breathed in sharply and then grunted. Elizabeth and Carson glanced at each other and then back at Sheppard, then Beckett leaned over and gently tapped Sheppard's cheek.

"Colonel? Colonel, if you can hear me, open your eyes a minute."

"John, it's Elizabeth." She squeezed his hand. "You're home and you're safe. Carson's going to take good care of you."

Sheppard's eyes fluttered a few seconds and then slitted open. "Home?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes, John. You're home. You're going to be okay."

Sheppard shivered and Beckett pulled the blanket up a little higher. "Colonel, can you tell me how you feel? Are you in pain?"

Sheppard lay with his eyes barely open and looking at the ceiling, breathing heavily. After a few seconds, a tear ran down one cheek. "Should have . . . left . . . me there . . . to die." His voice was so low that they only heard him because they were leaning over him. He sighed and closed his eyes, and was asleep again almost immediately.

Elizabeth's brows were creased. "Why would he say that?"

Beckett looked flabbergasted. "I have no idea." He looked down at Sheppard, his face troubled even in sleep. "But if that's what they've gotten him to believe, it explains why he's doin' so poorly. We may have a much bigger battle than I first anticipated."

Elizabeth ran her fingertips down the bruised side of his face. "What have they done to you?"

-----------------------------------------------------

Pain was the first thing of which he became aware—a dull aching and burning throughout his whole body. Slowly, though, the pain began to pull and claw at him, and he became aware of things touching him, making his skin crawl and itch and burn. His back and abdomen were on fire, while his head and everything else throbbed intensely. He gasped as he opened his eyes, struggling to take a deep breath and blinking heavily until adjusting to the lights. Where was he?

Voices. Familiar voices. He was in the infirmary in Atlantis. What had happened and how he had come to be here? He tried to move, but his right arm was immobilized and pain shot through his shoulder. And then he remembered his wrists shackled above his head . . . being so weak he couldn't support his weight . . . the soldier on his right dropping him an instant before the one on the left, yanking on his right shoulder . . . The feel of his arm being wrenched from the socket. He closed his eyes as the four days of captivity came rushing back at him. His headache found the up escalator and his stomach clenched with nausea. He swallowed hard; as badly as he hurt, he couldn't imagine how much pain vomiting now would inflict. So he laid still, calming himself and gaining control, forcing the bile back down his throat.

Sheppard opened his eyes again. He could see and feel tubes running in and out, along with the wires of several monitors. He wondered how he had made it back to Atlantis and how long he'd been here. He had no recollection of being rescued, and how would they pull that off anyway? Why wasn't he dead? His remembered that his last thought had been that he was a dead man.

He also remembered not caring. It would have ended the pain, and maybe he even deserved it. The faces and voices of all the Genii he had hurt with his actions came crushing in on him and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He coughed and moaned as he fought to bring air into his lungs, but his vision began to cloud. He could hear the rapid beat of the heart monitor as his pulse climbed and climbed.

And then he could breathe. As his breathing slowed and he relaxed, he felt an oxygen mask being held to his face. He felt hands on him.

"That's it, Colonel. Just breathe deeply and slowly. Try to relax."

After several long minutes, he managed to open his eyes again. Carson Beckett stood over him, worry lining his face.

Sheppard batted at the oxygen mask. "Sssokay," he croaked. Beckett removed the mask and looked down at him, watching to make sure he really was able to breathe properly. Sensing what was coming next, the doctor slipped Sheppard a couple of ice chips. Then he fussed with the monitors and IV line for a minute before pulling up a chair.

"How's the pain?" he asked.

"Manageable," Sheppard whispered. He didn't have the strength to talk any louder, and that annoyed him. "How . . . how did I get here?"

Beckett continued to watch him. "What do you remember?"

Sheppard really didn't feel like talking about that right now. "I . . . I remember being a prisoner of Kolya for four days. What I don't remember is how I got back to Atlantis."

Beckett shifted in the chair. "Kolya sent you back through the gate. He said they were through with you. My guess is he didn't think you would live. If you hadn't gotten here when you did, you wouldn't have."

Sheppard closed his eyes and suddenly saw Kolya in his face, holding a gun to his temple. He heard him pull the trigger and Sheppard jerked, his eyes coming open as he tried to sit up. He didn't get very far—pain exploded through his body from a thousand different sources, and he cried out as Beckett eased him back down to the bed.

"Easy, son. You're safe now. Just take it easy."

Sheppard's eyes were glassy and Beckett called to one of the nurses for some pain medication. "You're going to be okay, Colonel, but you've got to take it easy, try not to move. It's going to take some time to heal." Beckett took a syringe from a nurse and turned to inject it into the IV port. He handed the empty back to her and then turned his attention back to Sheppard. "The pain should be better in just a minute. Hang in there. We can talk later."

Sheppard's eyelids began to droop as he mumbled. "Nothin' . . . to talk . . . 'bout."

Beckett sighed as he watched Sheppard drift off. "You're going to make this hard, lad, aren't you?"

-----------------------------------------------------------

It was the next day before Sheppard came to again. The pain seemed more muted this time and he figured that Beckett must have been doling out his special cocktail. He heard a tapping sound and knew that it could only be one thing; he carefully shifted his head to see Rodney typing on his laptop in a chair next to the bed. The sound was normal and comforting, and he was content to lie silently and watch the man work. He noticed that McKay looked like the brother of one of the soldiers that he had killed. Disturbingly so. As he watched McKay's face, fear began to rise. McKay's face began changing into the face of one of his tormentors.

McKay stopped typing when he saw movement. "Colonel? Colonel, what's wrong?" He put his laptop down and stood up, moving toward Sheppard.

As McKay moved toward him, Sheppard began to panic. "No . . . no more! I can't do this again! No more!" Sheppard scooted back, away from McKay.

"Colonel . . . John, it's okay. It's Rodney. Just stay put and I'll get Carson." He reached out for Sheppard to offer comfort and try to get the injured man to lie back down.

Sheppard watched in horror as the face changed to Kolya's, smiling as he moved in for him. He jerked to the far back corner of the bed, pulling out the IV and ripping most of the monitor wires loose. He would have fallen if the rails had not been up. "No! Not going back!" Sheppard pulled his knees up to his chest, his hands sandwiched between his legs so they couldn't shackle him again. He could remember what it felt like when they released him at the end of the day, his arms completely numb. "Can't go back . . . no more . . . no more . . ." he chanted as he rocked back and forth, crouched in the corner of the bed.

"Carson! Carson, get in here!" McKay wanted to run for Beckett, but he was terrified to leave Sheppard; he had ripped everything out and his bandages were starting to soak through with blood.

Beckett and several nurses came running across the infirmary. "What is—" he began, until he saw Sheppard curled up in the corner of his bed. "Oh Lord," he murmured. "What happened?"

"He just freaked out, Carson. I swear, I didn't do anything. He woke up, he looked at me funny . . . and then he just freaked out."

Carson turned back to Sheppard. "Colonel? I'm here to help you, son, you have to let us—"

One of Kolya's goons was coming after him. He couldn't go back. He just couldn't. He tried to go over the rail, but hands grabbed him and shoved him down on his belly. He struggled against the hands pinning him until he felt the stick in his shoulder. A few seconds later, he began to feel slow and sluggish. They had drugged him. "No, can't . . . do it again, please . . . just kill me . . . can't go back . . . please . . ."

As Sheppard lost consciousness, he realized that he was being held down against a soft, pleasant surface and not the dank earth floor of his cell. Where in the heck was he?

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

You guys are blowing me away with all the reviews! Special thanks go out to Rogue1503 and togitnj for their encouragement and ideas and some big time beta activities. I'm sorry this chapter took a little longer to post. Trying to improve my writing means slower writing for me because I have to think a lot more (very painful).

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 5

"Okay, he's out," said Beckett. He stood back and let go of Sheppard, as did the three nurses who had been helping him. How a man in his condition had put up that much of a fight was beyond the doctor—he must have been completely terrified. In his struggles, Sheppard had pulled out just about everything. The bed was a rumpled mess of blood and leaking fluids, the IV was leaking on the floor, and many of Sheppard's bandages had come off or soaked through. It was going to take a while to put everything right.

"What was that? What happened to him?" asked McKay.

Beckett looked up to see Rodney standing with his mouth open and his eyes wide. Reaching out to put his hand on McKay's shoulder, he said, "It's okay, Rodney. He's been through a lot and it's goin' to take a while to get him back. You have to remember he was tortured for near four days. Not only is he in a lot of pain, but he's still runnin' a fever, he's heavily medicated, and I wouldn't be surprised if they messed with his head. We just have to be patient."

"Is . . . is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. You can leave so we can get him cleaned up and settled in a fresh bed. Go get somethin' to eat and come back in a few hours. At this point, it's probably good to have someone here with him. As I decrease his pain meds, he'll wake more often and be a little more lucid; it would be good for him to see a familiar face."

"Okay. I'll . . . I'll come back in a . . . in a while." Beckett watched as McKay turned and shuffled part way to the door and then stopped. He came back, picked up his laptop, and left. Beckett turned back to an unconscious Sheppard, sprawled haphazardly across the bed on his stomach, and sighed loudly.

"All right, let's get goin'. We've got a lot of work to do."

--------------------

McKay sat watching Sheppard sleep. Ever since he had returned to a cleaned-up and settled Sheppard, he hadn't been able to stop watching him. He had tried to work on his laptop but eventually gave up. He couldn't concentrate. Sheppard stirred periodically, groaning and mumbling in his sleep. His face seemed . . . tense. Sheppard had been restless for several hours now and McKay thought he'd be waking up soon, but he was afraid of what would happen then. What if he flipped out again and hurt himself? He hadn't even seemed to know who McKay was last time. McKay shivered at the memory of Sheppard crouched in the corner, terrified, rocking and pleading not to hurt him anymore. That was not the Sheppard he knew. That was not the Sheppard he thought couldn't be broken. The man in the infirmary this morning was . . . broken.

"McKay?" He was so distracted that he had almost hadn't heard the whispered voice.

"Colonel . . . you know who I am?" McKay was afraid to move closer until he was sure the Colonel was in his right mind.

Sheppard scowled at him. "I don't have amnesia, McKay. Yes, I know who you are."

"Oh . . . okay. It's just that this morning . . . Never mind."

Sheppard frowned. "This morning what?"

"Nothing. You woke up for a few minutes, but you were a little disoriented and . . . you didn't seem to know who I was."

Sheppard sighed and closed his eyes a minute. "I don't remember. Just . . . some weird dreams. I thought I was here, but then I was back with Kolya. But now I'm here . . . at least I think I'm here . . ." Sheppard trailed off and reached up to rub his face.

"You're really here. In Atlantis. Colonel, I'm sorry. We should never have let Kolya take you."

"There was nothing you could do, McKay. Just drop it. I don't want to talk about it."

McKay reached out and touched Sheppard's arm, meaning to reassure him, but Sheppard flinched back and jerked his eyes open. McKay quickly pulled his hand back. "Sorry."

Sheppard relaxed. "It's okay. Just . . . jumpy I guess." They were silent for a few moments. "How long have I been back?"

"Five days. Colonel? Wh . . . what did they do to you?"

Sheppard's expression darkened. "I told you, I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired, McKay."

"Look . . . John, you'll have to talk about it eventually."

Sheppard closed his eyes. "Tired, McKay. Really tired."

--------------------------

Elizabeth looked up from the report in her lap to watch John. He stirred beneath the blanket, moaning softly as his brow furrowed with the pain the movement caused. She had been sitting beside his bed for close to an hour, watching him struggle with sleep.

Elizabeth leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She couldn't tell if he was troubled or in pain or both. "What's going on in that head of yours to make you so restless?" she whispered.

John suddenly gasped and snapped his eyes open, lifting his head off the pillow a couple of inches before dropping back down. Elizabeth tossed the reports on the floor and moved closer to the bed.

"John? Are you okay?" His eyes were open but vacant, and he gave no indication that he had heard her. When she reached out and touched his forearm, he twisted away from her with a grunt, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes.

Elizabeth flinched at the reaction and her thoughtlessness—Rodney had told her of a similar reaction when he'd visited two days before—and pulled her hand back. "I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?"

John relaxed a little against the pillows and opened his eyes. "It's okay."

He still looked pale to her, the whiteness magnified by the colorful array of healing bruises that marred his face and arms. "Are you in pain? I can get Carson," she offered.

"No," he said. His breath seemed to come easier. "I'm okay. What are you doing here?"

"I just came by to check on you. You were asleep, so I thought I'd wait a little while and see if you woke up. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay."

Elizabeth shifted her weight, uncomfortable with the lull in the conversation. "I'm here if you need to talk. It might help."

"No. I'm good."

"John, I think you need to talk to someone about this. If not now, then soon. What they did to you was . . ."

"No. I'm okay. I don't need to talk about it. I don't _want_to talk about it."

"Okay. Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me. And I'm sure if you'd rather talk to Carson or Rodney, they would be happy to help."

"I thought I heard voices back here," said Beckett as he walked up to stand beside Sheppard's bed. "Good to see you awake again, Colonel. How's the pain?"

"It's not bad," Sheppard sighed.

"It's about time for another dose of pain medication, but if you're doin' okay without it, I'll wait. The sooner we can get you off it, the better." Beckett watched Sheppard's response carefully.

"I'm okay for now," he replied. Shifting his attention, he said, "Elizabeth, I'm tired. If you don't mind . . ."

"Oh, of course. I need to get back to work anyway. Get some rest John, and I'll stop by later." She waited for some acknowledgement from John, but he just pulled the blanket up farther on his chest and closed his eyes. Beckett didn't miss the look of disappointment that crossed her face.

"Come on, lass. I'll walk you out." He placed a gentle hand on her back and guided her away from Sheppard's bed.

"Is he always so talkative or is it just me?" asked Elizabeth.

Carson sighed. "He doesn't say much lately. The wee bit he's awake, he just answers questions and lays there. I suspect he's having some nightmares. He won't admit it or talk to me about it, but he's restless when he sleeps, even with the pain meds. He's startled awake several times looking mighty stressed, and he's called out in his sleep once or twice."

They stopped walking as they reached the door to the infirmary. "Maybe we just need to give him more time."

Beckett nodded. "Aye, you could be right."

"I really do have to get back to work. Take good care of him, Carson."

"I always do, lass. I always do."

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"He's asleep. Maybe we should come back later." Sheppard recognized Ronon's voice as he woke up.

"No. We have been here on many occasions and he has been asleep each time. This time we will wait. I wish to talk to Colonel Sheppard." It was Teyla. If Teyla said they would wait, then they would be there until he opened his eyes no matter how long it took. No point in continuing to pretend. He opened his eyes.

"Colonel Sheppard? I am glad to see you awake. We wish to speak with you and see how you are doing." Teyla smiled down at him.

"I'm fine," Sheppard said. "Are all of you okay?"

"Yes, we are all unharmed and happy to have you back in Atlantis. We were all very worried, as I'm sure you have been told. Dr. McKay was particularly fearful of what Kolya would do."

Sheppard's eyebrows raised—the first sign of emotion they had seen. "McKay?"

"Yeah," said Ronon. "You need to hurry and get back on your feet. McKay's been whining since we went to that planet. If you don't get out of here soon, I may be forced to kill him."

"Ronon!" snapped Teyla. "Dr. McKay was merely worried about the Colonel. I'm sure now that he is recovering, Dr. McKay will calm down."

Sheppard turned his head to look straight up at the ceiling. Teyla and Ronon exchanged a glance. "Colonel, are you in pain? Would you like for me to get Dr. Beckett?"

Sheppard winced, but continued to stare at the ceiling. "No, I'm fine. Just tired."

"Then perhaps we should leave and let you rest. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good." Sheppard turned back to face them. "I'm glad you made it back safely."

Teyla smiled warmly at him. "And we are glad to have you back. We will return when you are stronger. Please have Dr. Beckett call us if you need anything."

Sheppard once again focused his attention on the ceiling. After a moment of silence, the two worried friends slipped quietly away.

When Sheppard was certain that his visitors were gone, he curled onto his left side, lifting his weight from his aching back and easing the strain on his incision site. He was tempted to call Beckett for relief, but he didn't—the sluggish drug haze was more frightening than the pain and he wanted to be clear headed, if only for a few minutes. He could hold out until Beckett came to check on him.

-------------------------------

"Colonel, we need to talk." Beckett sat in the chair beside Sheppard's bed.

"What about?"

"Your condition and treatment. We're going to get you out of bed in a bit and try to get you moving. It's past time. And I'm going to have Kate come talk to you."

"No," snapped Sheppard. "I won't talk to her."

Beckett sighed. "Colonel, you've obviously suffered not just a physical trauma but a mental one, as well. You're attitude is slowin' your physical recovery and it's time to get help. You don't have to do this alone; there are people here who can help you. You just have to let them."

Sheppard closed his eyes. He really didn't want to relive _any_ of it, and certainly not to a virtual stranger.

"Colonel, I'm not asking. You're going to have to talk to her to get cleared for duty. You might as well start now. I'll have her come by right after lunch."

Sheppard could tell by the look on Beckett's face that he wasn't getting out of it. "Fine, whatever."

------------------------------

Sheppard inhaled sharply and held his breath as Dr. Beckett and Marcy hauled him to his feet. Sore muscles, stretching stitches, and still-healing bruises all screamed at him from every corner. Between the pain and the dizziness, he found himself sinking to the floor. Fortunately, the two medical personnel assisting him were ready and shouldered his weight until he regained his balance.

Marcy, her arm around his waist, reached back and held his hospital gown closed. Sheppard knew Beckett had been waiting for him to ask for scrubs. He would have preferred to be wearing scrubs at this moment, but he just hadn't wanted them enough to fight for them. That worried him a little, but not enough to do anything about it.

"Let's try a step, Colonel," urged Beckett. "We've got ya'."

Sheppard watched the floor as he pushed one foot forward, sliding it along the cool, smooth surface a few inches, leaning heavily on the pair holding him up.

"That's good. Now the other foot."

They continued slowly, making it once around the infirmary before helping Sheppard back in bed.

As they helped settle Sheppard, Beckett noticed the Colonel's trembling legs and sweaty face. Sheppard was hurting. "Okay, Colonel. I'll be back in a few minutes with something for the pain. After you've had a chance to rest, maybe we can discuss getting you a shower and some scrubs." Beckett paused. "Unless you'd rather stay in the gown."

Sheppard stopped picking at the corner of the blanket and looked up at Beckett. "I'd like the shower and scrubs."

"Good. I thought you might. I'll be back in a minute."

---------------------------

Kate Heightmeyer showed up after lunch, as promised. Sheppard was propped up in bed, his hair still damp from the shower. He was thankful for the scrubs, but he was exhausted from the efforts of the day, which left him feeling at a distinct disadvantage.

"Good afternoon, Colonel. I'm glad you agreed to see me," Kate said as she adjusted the chair and sat down. She had a folder and a pen that she arranged on her lap so that she could glance through the folder as they talked. "Why don't you tell me what happened."

Sheppard offered her an empty look. "The mission to TLX 557 was a trap. Kolya and his men were waiting for us. He let the others go and I went with him."

"I'm sure there was more to it than that. Can you be more specific about what happened?"

Sheppard scowled at her. "They had guns and there were more of them than of us. There was nothing else to do but go along with what Kolya wanted."

"And what was that?"

"Me. Kolya wanted me."

"What did he want with you?"

"Revenge. 'Retribution.'"

"Retribution for what?"

Sheppard eyed her, his brow furrowing and his lips pressing into a hard line. "What kind of game are you playing? You know for what."

Kate ignored the look. "I want you to tell me what you think Kolya thought you owed him for."

Sheppard's hard look melted and he turned his eyes down to the bed, where his fingers were plucking at the sheet. "The death of his men. He said I owed the Genii retribution for the death of almost seventy Genii soldiers."

"So, what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?" he asked softly, his eyes now focused on a spot on the far wall.

"Do you think you owed the Genii people anything for killing those men?"

"It doesn't matter what I think."

"Colonel, _I_ care what you think."

Sheppard closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the pillow. What had started as a mild headache had developed into a full-blown pain in the neck and head. He could see the shield go up on the stargate and hear the impacts as the soldiers were splattered against it. He could hear the Genii in the gate room yelling at him, screaming about getting the shield down. Then they were shooting at him as he ran and returned fire, buying some much-needed time. He hadn't really thought about the fact that he was killing; he was just keeping the Genii out of Atlantis.

"Colonel?" Kate stood and walked closer to Sheppard. "John, are you okay?" She watched his even breathing for a moment. He was asleep.

"It must be my sparkling personality," she muttered to herself.

---------------------------------

"You've made a lot of progress the last few days," observed Nick as he walked down the hall with Sheppard. When Sheppard didn't reply, Nick continued, trying to draw the man into conversation. "I guess you were glad when Carson expanded your walks to the hall. At least you get to get out of the infirmary a few minutes a day. You've got to be getting tired of that place."

Sheppard still didn't respond, so Nick tried a different tactic. "How's the physical therapy for the shoulder coming along?"

"It's okay."

"Still pretty sore, I guess."

"Yeah."

"How are the headaches? Are they getting any better?"

"Maybe. It's hard to tell."

"Colonel . . . if you need someone to talk to, just let me know."

"Carson is _letting_ me talk to Dr. Heightmeyer. I think one is enough."

Nick cleared his throat. "Uh, Colonel, you may be talking to Dr. Heightmeyer, but the word on the street is that you aren't really saying much. I thought you might want a heads up that she's getting pretty frustrated."

Sheppard almost smiled. "She's a shrink. She can handle it."

----------------------------------

Sheppard knew he was in for it when he saw Beckett, Kate, and Elizabeth descending on him. Still, it didn't interrupt his study of the wall opposite his bed.

"Colonel, we'd like to talk to you," said Elizabeth.

"Talk. It's your dime."

Elizabeth sighed at the uncharacteristic lack of expression on Sheppard's face. "John, Dr. Beckett and Dr. Heightmeyer are concerned about you. They feel that you aren't cooperating fully with them and that that's hindering your recovery."

Sheppard started to cross his arms, but as he touched his still tender chest and stomach, he thought better of it. "Exactly what is it you want from me?"

Elizabeth looked at Kate, passing the baton to her. "Colonel . . . you refuse to talk about anything that happened while you were held captive. I think something happened there that's key to helping you get over this, but we can't help if you won't talk to us."

"Fine!" Sheppard snapped. "You're all so keen on knowing what happened, I'll tell you. Hope you have a strong stomach."

Sheppard offered them every graphic detail what had happened during the four days he was under Kolya's control. Beckett wasn't sure what was more horrifying—the story of what Sheppard had endured or the fact that he sounded so blank and cold when he told it, almost as if had happened to someone else. When Sheppard finished, he sat quietly and stared at the shocked trio.

"I hope that satisfies your morbid curiosity. Now if you don't mind, I'm tired and I have a headache." Sheppard pulled the blanket up to his neck and turned his back to them. Eventually they took the hint and left, and after a while, he dozed off.

He dreamed of the Genii and Kolya. He dreamed of the men who had been lost to their families when he raised the shield on the gate. He dreamed of telling Ford to put away the wraith stunner because they were shooting to kill. He dreamed of Kolya telling him he would put him out of his misery if he wanted to return. He awoke with a start, sitting up suddenly and bringing a shaking hand up to his sweaty forehead.

Sheppard got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom—he had been on his feet and walking unaided for several days now and suspected that Beckett was keeping him mainly to force the visits with Heightmeyer. He splashed cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror, tracing the fresh scar that tracked down the right side of his face. "Thanks Kolya," he whispered. "I should have killed you on Dagan." If only he had . . . He couldn't sleep; he just kept seeing the faces of the people he had hurt, kept hearing the names of those he had killed. He couldn't go back to the way he was, to a vague regret for lost lives. Lives that he knew nothing about. He knew about them now.

Kolya would always be a threat to Atlantis. As long as he was out there, he could try to take the city again. And Sheppard would always remember what the tyrant had done to Rodney and Elizabeth . . . how he'd almost lost her. Kolya needed to be eliminated. And though Sheppard knew he would likely never make it back off the Genii home world alive, it would be worth it.

He walked out of the bathroom and back to his bed, watching the nurses' station. No one was there. He kept walking, past his bed and out of the infirmary.

It was late, and the halls were dark and deserted. He made his way through them to his quarters, where he changed into a clean uniform. The simple action was made difficult and slow by pain and weakness, despite the therapy he'd begun. He'd need weapons.

His own personal gear had been lost to the Genii; he'd have to hit the armory. He left his quarters and made his way there. The guard seemed surprised to see him out of the infirmary, so Sheppard made up some excuse about being out of action so long that he couldn't rest until he had checked everything himself. The guard seemed to buy that and left him alone.

Sheppard helped himself to a new 9mm and holster, a vest, and a P90. He slipped out with the weapons and made his way to the gate room, where he watched from the edge of the room for several minutes. There were two techs on duty, but no one else. He took a deep breath and walked up to them, trying to act like he knew what he was doing.

"Hey, guys. I've got a quick slip in and out mission. I need you to dial the Genii home world." He stood tall and flashed them his best smile.

"Uh, Colonel Sheppard . . . sir . . . we thought you were still in the infirmary."

"Actually, Dr. Beckett finally released me. I need to hit the Genii home world to take care of a little problem, so if you would dial it up, I'd appreciate it." When the techs exchanged confused glances, Sheppard knew the ploy wasn't going to work. "Sir, we have to have clearance from Dr. Weir. Do you . . . have clearance from Dr. Weir?"

"Sure," lied Sheppard. "She'll be here any minute to confirm." He turned as if he were going to look for her and then wheeled around quickly, his gun drawn. "Don't move."

The two techs froze in place. Sheppard felt as horrified by his actions as the techs looked, but this was the only way. "Stand up." The two techs stood, never taking their eyes off him. "Take off your radios and lay them on the console." They followed instructions. "Okay, now move into the conference room."

Hands up, the two techs moved slowly to the conference room and stood as far from Sheppard as possible. From the doorway, Sheppard said, "I'm sorry guys. This is just something I have to do. Tell Elizabeth . . . tell her Kolya shouldn't be a problem any more. I'm going to take care of him. And tell my team . . . none of this is their fault and not to come after me."

"Colonel Sheppard, why don't you just tell her yourself when you get back?"

Sheppard just blinked at them. "I don't think I'll be coming back. This is a one-way trip. Just tell her I'm sorry about all the trouble and . . . and I hope this helps Atlantis." He backed out of the room and ran his hand over the lighted panel, shutting and locking the door.

Sheppard moved as quickly as he could to the DHD and punched in the address for the Genii home world. Walking stiffly down the steps to the gate room floor, he stood before the shimmering puddle, took one last look at Atlantis, and stepped toward the event horizon. He just hoped he could kill Kolya before the Genii killed him.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

The Day of Reckoning - Chapter 6

The stunner blast caught Sheppard completely by surprise and he dropped to the floor, unconscious. Ronon stepped from the shadows and hit his radio. "I need a medical team to the gateroom for Colonel Sheppard."

Ronon knelt beside Sheppard and checked for his pulse. He hadn't really expected there to be a problem, but with Sheppard, stuff seemed to happen. He then went about disarming his CO. Nick arrived with the med team a few minutes later.

"Missing a patient?" asked Ronon.

"Yes, as a matter of fact we are. Carson's going to kill me for letting him get away. What was he doing? Is he injured again?"

Ronon just looked on as they checked Sheppard's vital signs and loaded him onto the gurney. "I stunned him. He was trying to go through the gate."

Nick looked at the man in surprise. "You stunned him?"

"Yeah. Not sure where he was going, but since he locked the control room people in that conference room up there, I didn't think it was a good idea to let him go."

Nick shook his head. "You thought right. How did you find him?"

Ronon shrugged his shoulders. "Just did."

Nick narrowed his eyes. "It's the middle of the night."

"Couldn't sleep."

Nick sighed. Ronon wasn't exactly talkative under the best of circumstances. "You probably better get a hold of Dr. Weir. Looks like I'm stuck calling Carson. He's so going to kill me."

--------------------------------------------------

Beckett finished his exam of Sheppard and looked across the bed to Nick. "Well, I don't think he's done any damage, but he's going to be sore tomorrow."

"Should we be worried that he's not awake yet?" asked Nick.

Beckett sighed. "No, I don't think so. He's just exhausted. He wasn't really recovered enough for all that activity. Thank God Ronon stopped him before he went through the gate."

"Carson, I'm sorry. I just never expected him to try to leave. He never so much as asked when he was getting released, so I wasn't keeping a close eye on him. I should have known better."

Carson shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, son. The way he's been actin', I would have never expected it either. The important thing is that we've got him back safe."

Nick nodded and smiled a little. "Thanks, Carson. I'll get him back into some scrubs."

"Good. And make sure someone stays with him. We don't want him wandering off again."

"Kelly and I have some things to finish, but Courtney can sit with him."

Beckett frowned. "Courtney?"

"Yeah. One of the new nurses that came over on the Daedalus a couple weeks ago. She's mainly been working night shift. Haven't you met her?"

Beckett's frown deepened. "No, and I should have. Has she not attended one of the training sessions? Because that's mandatory."

Nick pursed his lips as he thought. "Well, I'm not sure. I guess I just assumed she had. But I'll speak to her about it and let her know."

"I'm on my way to my office to meet with Elizabeth and Kate. As soon as I'm done with them, I want to see her."

"Okay." Nick turned and headed across the infirmary to get scrubs. He stuck his head in the door of the storeroom where Kelly was arranging drugs on the shelves and checking them against inventory. "I'm going to need you for a few minutes to help me get Colonel Sheppard into some scrubs. Where's Courtney?"

Kelly put the end of the pen to her mouth and chewed absently as she thought. "I think I saw her flirting—I mean checking—on Lt. Hays."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Figures. Hasn't she attended one of Carson's 'Introduction to the Atlantis Infirmary' sessions? He had no idea who she is."

Kelly quit chewing on the pen for a minute. "Well, you didn't hear it from me, but she's been a nurse for ten years and highly doubts that we can teach her anything she doesn't already know. She's seen everything, done everything, and is way too good for the T-shirt."

Nick grinned. "Not your favorite person?"

"Huh! Not by a long shot. I'd rather give Kavanagh a sponge bath than work with her."

"She's not _that_ bad?"

"Oh yes she is. You get a break because you're a doctor. She keeps telling me how I should be doing things even though I've been here almost a year and a half and she's only been here two weeks."

Nick's grin got even bigger. "Okay, okay! I get it. Just help me with the Colonel and you can go back to your inventory. I'll be introducing her to Carson in a bit and that should take her down a notch or two."

"Thank God," Kelly mumbled as she put the clipboard and pen on the counter.

Nick chuckled as he went to look for Courtney. He found her just where Kelly said he would, flirting with the young lieutenant with the broken leg.

"Courtney, can I see you a minute?" asked Nick.

It was hard to tell in the dimmed lights of the nighttime infirmary, but Nick could have sworn he saw her roll her eyes at him. "Yes, doctor." She turned to the patient. "I'll be right back."

Courtney walked over to Nick and crossed her arms. "What?"

"First of all, you don't speak to me in that tone. I may not be the Chief Medical Officer, but I _am_ your superior. Second, I think you have duties to attend to other than bothering Lt. Hays in the middle of the night when he should be sleeping. Colonel Sheppard needs to be changed into scrubs and your assistance is required right now. When we're done, I'll need you to stay with him and make sure he doesn't bolt again. And third, you have somehow managed to avoid Dr. Beckett's introduction, which is mandatory for all new Atlantis Infirmary staff, so he will be seeing you shortly. I'll come relieve you when he's ready."

Courtney seemed to have the decency to be embarrassed. "Sorry, Dr. Strauhan. I'll be right there."

Nick's expression softened a little. "I'll see you at Colonel Sheppard's bed in a minute."

Nick turned and walked away, leaving Courtney to wonder if she should have stayed on Earth.

------------------------------------------

Courtney sat staring at Colonel Sheppard. Her first actual night of duty had been his second day back in Atlantis. Shortly after bragging to the other nurses that she had seen pretty much everything and could no longer be shocked, they had introduced her to their most battered patient. And she had been shocked. She was certain that she had hidden her feelings well, but it had been hard to maintain the façade as she heard more and more stories about the bizarre occurrences in the Pegasus galaxy.

"Pssst." Courtney looked around for the source of the hissing sound. "Pssst, Courtney."

She stood and leaned out around the privacy curtain. Lt. Hays was sitting up in bed, motioning her to come over. She waved and then ducked back inside the cubicle formed by the curtains. The Colonel looked completely out of it. Of course, if she left and he woke up and bolted, she'd really be in trouble. She let her eyes wander over the room as she pondered the situation, and they at last settled on the cabinet beside the bed. She opened the doors and looked in, uncertain of what she was looking for until she saw it—restraints. She could secure him to the bed for a few minutes, and if he just happened to wake up before she got back, he wouldn't be able to go anywhere.

--------------------------------------------

"He hasn't regained consciousness yet, but I don't think it will be long now," said Beckett as he looked from Elizabeth to Kate. "Apparently, he just walked out of the infirmary with no one the wiser for several minutes. Do you know what he was doin'?"

"He picked up weapons at the armory, went to the control room, and asked the men on duty to dial the Genii home world. When they wouldn't do it," Elizabeth sighed and shook her head, "he locked them in the conference room and dialed it himself."

Beckett's eyebrows shot up. "The Genii home world? He just spent four days there being tortured. Why would he want to go back?"

Elizabeth's expression was grim. "According to the techs on duty, he told them he was going to take care of Kolya, and . . . Carson, he told them he probably wouldn't be coming back." She paused a second, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard before continuing. "He told them it was a one way trip."

Beckett's face drooped, and Kate frowned at Elizabeth. "Are you saying that he was prepared to die if necessary, or that he was going there with the intention of dying?"

Elizabeth frowned at the question. "You're not saying you think he _wanted_ to die, are you?"

Kate shrugged. "You know him much better than I do. What do you think?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "Not John Sheppard. I can't believe he would ever consider intentionally causing his own death."

Beckett nodded. "I'll have to agree with Elizabeth on this one."

"I hope you're right," said Kate. "But you need to consider the possibility that this is a subconscious decision to die. What I do know about the Colonel from what I've seen so far is that he's a very passionate man who tends to bottle up his emotions and hide them. Tell me, as his friends, how you think he feels about things like waking the wraith, the destruction of the Athosians' village, the death of Colonel Sumner, Ford's escape after contacting the wraith enzyme . . ."

Carson and Elizabeth looked at one another rather glumly. Carson finally said, "He feels responsible."

Kate nodded. "Exactly. Now put that in perspective with what Kolya put him through on that planet. The families of almost seventy men told him to his face how much they hated him and how he had ruined their lives. Many of those were women and children. Now how do you think he feels about having killed those men? I can't even imagine the depth of guilt they could have evoked. That many deaths is hard enough to live with without it becoming personal like that."

-------------------------------------

Sheppard was first aware of the remnant numbness in his hands and feet. Stunner? He must have been out a while for the feeling to have worn down to just his extremities. He'd been in the infirmary since returning from the Genii home world, so how had he encountered a stunner?

The gate. He had been about to go through the gate. He tried to think, but his head was killing him and his muscles were aching with new fury. When he tried to lift his arm, he discovered that he couldn't—they had him in restraints. He bit his lip as his fists clenched and his muscles tensed reflexively.

_Just be calm,_ he told himself. _They'll let you out as soon as they know you won't run._

"Doc?" He was immediately aware that his voice hadn't been very loud. It was getting harder to remain still as the memory of his arms shackled above his head and the feelings of helplessness and pain began to invade his thoughts. Still, he tried not to struggle or give in to the panic, knowing it would be futile.

"Doc?" He said it with more force this time, fear beginning to swell within him. "Anybody?" He needed someone to come. He needed to be out of these. He was breathing hard now, almost panting, his heart pounding in his ears and his body thrumming with tension. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face, creating an itch he couldn't scratch and escalating his panic. He jerked on the restraints. Why wouldn't they come?

"Doc?" He was pretty sure he had screamed it that time and he didn't care. His heart was pounding so hard now that he was wondering if you really could die of fear. _I'm in Atlantis, not with the Genii, in Atlantis, in Atlantis . . . _but it didn't ease the rising panic. He struggled frantically, unaware of his efforts.

"Carson, please! Get me out of these!"

"Shhh!" Someone rushed to his bedside and reached for the buckles on the restraints.

Courtney shushed him again; he was frantic. "Just calm down, Colonel, and I'll get you right out. There's no need to panic." But she was so nervous and Sheppard was struggling so hard that she couldn't get the buckles undone.

"What's goin' on?" barked Beckett as he entered the cubicle, Dr. Weir and Dr. Heightmeyer on his heels. He stopped short, startled to see Sheppard struggling with restraints. Lines of fear and confusion marked John's pale, sweaty features and he was panting as if he had just sprinted a mile. His fists and jaw were clenched tightly as he struggled to keep control, but it looked to Beckett like he was losing the battle.

"Let him out of those right now!" Beckett snapped, his voice so uncharacteristically harsh that Heightmeyer started at the sound of it.

"I'm trying! He won't stay still!"

Beckett marched over to the bedside and pushed the nurse out of the way. "Well of course he won't be still! You just restrained a torture victim, you daft bugger! What's wrong with you?"

Carson's voice and expression immediately softened as he turned back to Sheppard. "I'm sorry, Colonel. I don't know how this happened." He put his hand on Sheppard's shoulder and leaned in close. "John, I need you to calm down and quit strugglin'. I'm goin' to get you out of these, but I need you to settle down a bit."

Elizabeth had moved to Sheppard's other side and was patting his arm. "We're here, John. Carson's going to get you out of these."

Sheppard calmed a little at the sight of the familiar faces and their soothing voices. He took a deep breath and told himself once again to settle.

Beckett released Sheppard from the restraints in just a few seconds, but the pilot was trembling beneath his touch even after he was freed.

Sheppard eyed him warily while rubbing his wrists. "Why?"

"I'm sorry. That is not what she was told to do. And I'll deal with her later, I promise ya that." Beckett held out his hand. "Can I see yer wrists, Colonel? Make sure ya haven't hurt yerself."

Sheppard watched him another second before tentatively holding one arm out to Beckett.

"Thank you." Beckett smiled at John. "I'll just get you fixed up."

Beckett cleaned and disinfected the area where Sheppard had abraded much of the skin in his struggle, Kate and Elizabeth looking on quietly from the other side of the bed. Sheppard's breathing had eased by the time the doctor had finished, but he was still shaking.

"Colonel, why don't I give you something to help you relax?"

"No! No . . . no more drugs. I need to feel the pain."

"Why?" asked Kate. "Why do you need to feel the pain?"

Sheppard stared at his blanket. "Because I'm tired of being numb. I need to feel something so I don't forget." Before anybody could respond, Sheppard curled up on his side and pulled the blanket up to his chin, resolutely staring off into space.

"Is that part of your punishment . . . that you feel the pain?" asked Kate. When Sheppard ignored her and closed his eyes, Beckett nodded at her and Elizabeth to follow him as he walked away from Sheppard's bed—now was not the time for this.

He stopped Nick on the way back to his office. "Nick, I want you or Kelly to stay with Colonel Sheppard until I get back. Do not let anyone else in there."

Nick's brow furrowed. "Did something happen?"

"That's an understatement. I'll explain later. In the meantime, I don't want that new nurse near any of my patients. She may not be here much longer."

Nick just nodded, deciding that this was not a good time to question the boss.

---------------------------------------

When Beckett returned a few minutes later, he was relieved to see Kelly watching over Sheppard. He talked quietly to her for a few seconds and then she slipped out of the cubicle. When Beckett was alone with the Colonel, he walked over to Sheppard and placed a firm but gentle hand on the man's shoulder.

As soon as Beckett touched him, Sheppard opened his eyes and looked behind him. Seeing it was Beckett, he rolled over onto his back to talk. "Sorry, Doc. Sorry about losing it back there."

Beckett swallowed hard as he noticed the slight flush to Sheppard's face - the pilot was embarrassed. "No, lad. Please don't apologize. You're reaction was perfectly normal. As a matter of fact, I'd be more worried about you if you hadn't reacted as you did. It's me who needs to apologize; that should never have happened and I assure you, it never will again. I am so sorry."

Sheppard's eyes turned to his lap. "It's okay. I just hate being so out of control. And I guess you noticed -I was definitely not in control." Sheppard shivered, remembering the rising sense of panic.

"I came back for two reasons, Colonel. One was to tell you how sorry I am about what happened. The other is to see if I can get you to change your mind about letting me give you something." He could see Sheppard winding up to refuse. "I'm not talking about sedating you. Just a bit of something mild to take the edge off and help you relax. It won't knock you out or leave you groggy."

Sheppard considered Beckett's offer. Although he was tired of being drugged for pain or sleep, he still felt on edge. He just wanted to sleep right now and he knew he would never be able to in his present state. And he trusted Beckett, at least when he was thinking clearly. "Mild? It won't _make_ me sleep?"

"No. It will just help you relax so you can sleep if you want to."

Sheppard sighed. "Okay."

Beckett patted him on the shoulder. "Good. I think you'll be glad you did."

Kelly walked back in the cubicle with a glass of water and a small plastic cup with a pill in it. At Beckett's nod, she handed it to Sheppard. After taking the pill and settling back into the bed, Sheppard looked up at Beckett.

"Thanks, Doc. And don't worry about it. I'll be okay."

Beckett smiled down at Sheppard. "I know you will, lad. Just remember we're here to help you get there."

-------------------------------------------

Sheppard was lying on his side facing a privacy curtain. He wasn't sure how long he'd lain there, dozing in and out, listening to the sounds of the infirmary. The tingly sensation left by the stunner blast had finally dissipated, replaced by aching muscles and the soreness of roughly treated healing wounds. He knew the discomfort would increase as soon as he began to move, so he was delaying it as long as possible.

Someone was in the cubicle with him. Now that he was more awake, he could hear the sound of movement coming from behind him. McKay? He took a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and rolled over onto his back to see Kelly sitting in the chair beside his bed reading reports. She looked up at the sound of his movement.

"Good morning, Colonel. Are you feeling better?"

Sheppard just looked at her for a minute. "Why are you here?"

Kelly shifted in her chair. "Dr. Beckett asked that someone sit with you in case you needed anything. He was pretty worried."

"I'm fine. You can go now."

Kelly looked down at her lap, her fingers rolling the corner of the report she had been reading. "I think I should stay until Dr. Beckett or Dr. Strauhan tells me to go."

"I don't need a babysitter," Sheppard snapped.

Kelly still looked down as she continued to roll and unroll the corner of the paper. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Colonel Sheppard, but I was told to stay here with you and I intend to follow my orders." She figured he would understand when she put it like that, but still, her heart was racing. "Would you like me to send out for some breakfast for you, sir?"

Sheppard turned his eyes from her to the ceiling. "No, I'm not hungry."

"Okay, just let me know if you change your mind. You know where to find me," Kelly tried to smile, but it didn't last.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 7

Sheppard had been dozing in and out most of the morning, exhausted by his midnight field trip. He listened to the sounds of the infirmary and the conversations around him, while his apparent unconsciousness left him pleasantly free from participating.

He heard quiet whispers and movement close to his bed; his curiosity got the best of him, and as he opened his eyes, he felt a hand on his arm.

"Time to wake up, Colonel. I've brought you some lunch." Sheppard looked up to see Beckett smiling down at him. "Let me help you sit up. Eat, and then we'll get you out of bed for a bit." Beckett raised the head of the bed and added a pillow behind Sheppard's back before rolling the table with the food tray over the bed and sitting down.

Sheppard picked up his fork without taking his eyes off Beckett. "So, _you_ have guard duty now? I'd have thought the Chief Medical Officer would be exempt from babysitting."

"Is that what you think this is? Guard duty?"

Sheppard chewed thoughtfully for a minute, then asked, "If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?"

Beckett frowned, concerned at Sheppard's serious tone. "Of course."

"Am I . . . am I really on suicide watch?"

"What?" Beckett's eyebrows shot up. "What makes you think that? If that blasted Courtney told you that—"

"I don't know who it was. I was dozing this morning and someone was talking outside the curtain. One of them said you guys thought I'd tried to kill myself and you had me on suicide watch." Sheppard paused, stabbed at his food with his fork, put it back down without eating it. "Is that why Kelly was here all morning?"

"Well, I don't know who would say such a thing, because that is not true. I had Kelly in here because you snuck out and tried to go on some crazy mission to get Kolya, and I spent too much time puttin' you back together for you to go getting' yourself all beat up again."

Sheppard finally turned his eyes from his tray to Beckett. "Look, Doc, the trip through the gate was not an act of suicide. It was more . . . an act of stupidity. I had some nightmares and I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Aye. No doubt from the stress of us badgering you about your captivity."

"So I wasn't on suicide watch?"

Beckett shook his head and sighed. "No, Colonel. That was not my intention at all . . ."

"But?"

Beckett hesitated. "I never thought you were trying to kill yourself, but Kate brought up the thought that . . . well, that maybe subconsciously you thought you deserved to die. Elizabeth and I don't really buy that either, but she said we should at least consider it."

"Subconscious death wish, huh? Never thought of that."

Beckett eyed him critically. "What do you think? Could that be possible?"

Sheppard fell silent for a moment, his eyes turned up to one side, and then frowned in confusion. "Wait a minute. If I subconsciously want to die, then I won't know I want to die because it's in my subconscious instead of my conscious mind and you don't really know what's going on in your subconscious mind, do you? Isn't that what makes it your subconscious? So how would I know?"

Beckett just stared at him.

"What did I just say?"

Beckett shook his head. "I have no idea. For a moment, I thought you were possessed by Rodney."

Sheppard threw a green bean at him. "You don't have to insult me."

"You keep throwing food in my infirmary and you'll wish that was all I was doin'."

-------------------------------

Kelly brought in Sheppard's breakfast tray and set it on the rolling table by the side of the bed. "I'll just leave this here, Colonel, and you can move it over when you're ready."

"Kelly, wait."

She stopped and turned to face Sheppard. "Yes, sir?"

Sheppard hesitated, but Kelly's soft, questioning expression eased his nerves. "I owe you an apology. I was a little on edge yesterday and I was rude. You were just doing your job. Anyway, I'm sorry I was such a jerk about it."

Kelly smiled. "It's no problem, Colonel. If you're in the infirmary, you're clearly not at your best. We always take that into consideration when patients give us a rough time. No harm done."

"Good." Sheppard offered her a crooked smile. "I wouldn't want you taking revenge with sharp pointy things."

"Well, I didn't say we don't occasionally take revenge."

Sheppard almost choked on his orange juice. He looked up to ask if she was serious, but she was gone. Beckett, however, was headed his way.

"Good morning, Colonel. How's breakfast?"

"Not sure. I haven't really eaten any of it yet. What's up?"

Beckett smiled knowingly. "I think I have some good news for you."

"I can always use some of that."

"You've made good progress the last few days, and I think we've established you aren't goin' to try to go through the gate again. I want to do one final check, but I think I'll be releasin' you later this mornin'."

Sheppard's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"I don't see why not, but I'll expect you to take it easy and rest. That means no stick fighting with Teyla or running with Ronon. And you'll have to continue your visits with Kate."

Sheppard frowned at the last statement. "Do I have to?" As soon as he said it, he realized how much like a whiny kid he sounded.

"Yes. I'm afraid she's not as impressed with your psychological progress as I am with your physical progress."

Sheppard shook his head. "I can't figure out what that woman wants. I sure wish someone would clue me in."

Beckett frowned at him, but his eyes were soft. "Son, the idea is not to tell her what you think she wants to hear. The idea is to be honest with her so that she can help you past this."

Sheppard frowned right back. "I don't need her help getting past this. I need her to stop trying to get into my head. I need _all_ you to stop trying to get into my head. I can handle this my own way."

"That's not the point; you don't have to handle this by yourself. But if you do, you have to show her that you are doing just that. You need her clearance before you go back on duty, so you might as well cooperate."

"Yeah, I got it. Keep seeing the shrink."

Beckett sighed and watched Sheppard pick at his food. "Colonel—"

"I know," Sheppard interrupted. "Everyone just wants to help me. Well maybe I'm tired of being helped. Maybe I just need to do something on my own."

"Then perhaps that's what you should tell Dr. Heightmeyer."

------------------------

Sheppard stood at the threshold of his quarters, looking into the darkened room. After a minute, he edged in, his eyes wandering the perimeter. It felt strange, almost as if it wasn't his. But then, he hadn't been here in three weeks. Three very long weeks.

A different John Sheppard had left this room three weeks ago for a simple mission, and he was painfully aware that he had changed since in a lot of ways. Kolya had seen to that. His fists clenched and he gritted his teeth at the thought of the man, of what Kolya had done to him and taken from him; he stood unmoving in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

Outside. He felt a sudden need to get out of this room

Sheppard hurried to the nearest balcony, darted out the door, and into the wind. Standing at the rail, he relished the clean smell of the ocean air. It wasn't damp and earthy; it didn't stink of old sweat and blood or of disinfectant. It was simply the crispness of the ocean, and he breathed it in more deeply than he had in three weeks.

"Are you supposed to be out here?" Caught unaware, he jumped at the sound of the voice.

"Yes, McKay. Beckett released me a little while ago." Sheppard didn't turn, but he was aware of McKay moving to stand beside him.

"I asked if you're supposed to be _out here?_"

Sheppard sighed loudly. "He said not to stick fight with Teyla or run with Ronon. He didn't say anything about not going onto balconies."

"Okay." Rodney held his hands up in front of him. "Just checking."

They stood in silence for a few minutes, staring out at the ocean, until McKay looked over at Sheppard and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I will be."

McKay chewed on his lower lip as he considered Sheppard's answer. There was another long silence, another long glance out at the ocean. "Hey," McKay tried again, turning back to his friend, "you want to come down to the lab and turn stuff on?"

Sheppard laughed, feeling the tension dissolve at the innocence of McKay's question. McKay, however, scowled at him.

"You could have just said 'no.' You don't have to laugh at me."

"No, no, I'm not laughing at you, McKay. I'd love to go down to the lab with you."

"Really?" McKay's expression brightened. "Because I've got some neat new stuff you haven't seen yet. There's this one piece everyone else with the gene has tried, but no one can even get it to flicker. Of course, it may not be a gene problem; it could be a power problem. But if you could just . . ."

Sheppard smiled as he walked with McKay through the balcony doors and down the hall.

----------------------------------

Sheppard jerked up in bed. He sat panting in the dark, repeating over and over that it was just a dream. As his breathing slowed, he got out of bed and paced around the room, images of his captivity flashing in his mind. After several minutes, he realized that he was cold—his shirt had soaked with sweat. Maybe a shower would make him feel better.

Washed, changed, and too wound up to sleep, Sheppard opted to walk the halls. He wasn't sure where he went; he just walked until he was too tired to walk anymore. Returning to his room, he crawled back into bed, hoping he was exhausted enough to sleep.

He _was_ exhausted enough. The problem was that every time he dozed off, he was in Kolya's hands again. After startling awake several times, he gave up and headed for the mess hall. He really needed a cup of coffee.

It was still early, so the mess hall was nearly deserted. He filled a cup with hot caffeine and sat down at a table with his back to the wall, watching and drinking as the room slowly began to fill.

"You're up early."

Sheppard's head snapped up. He must have dozed off. Nick Strauhan placed a tray on the table and sat down across from him. "Aren't you eating?"

Sheppard yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. I'll get a tray in a minute." When he dropped his hand, he found Nick watching him. Carson had trained him well.

"Exactly how long have you been here?"

Sheppard looked down at his arm, but he'd left his watch in his quarters. "I have no idea. A while."

"You didn't sleep last night, did you." One look at the puffiness and dark circles beneath the Colonel's eyes made the question redundant.

"I slept," Sheppard protested. "For a while."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah. Very realistic ones." Sheppard fingered the edge of his empty cup. "You gonna turn me in?"

Nick sighed. "You need sleep. Maybe Carson could give you something."

Sheppard shook his head. "I can't keep depending on drugs to help me sleep. I'll work it out."

"If you have trouble tomorrow night, come down to the infirmary and see me. There are several options we can discuss. You can't do this every night, Colonel. And if you think Carson won't recognize signs of sleep deprivation, you're wrong."

"I know. I'll come talk to you if it happens again."

"Then I won't say anything for now. Oh, I thought you might be interested to know that Courtney has decided that she's not really suited to Atlantis. She'll be returning to earth on the next Daedalus run. Between now and then, Carson has her stocking shelves and cleaning bedpans."

Sheppard sat looking at the bottom of his empty cup. "I probably overreacted. It just caught me off guard."

"No. Don't even go there. The problem was her, not you, so don't try to take the blame. She has some major attitude problems and I don't think she's suited to the special needs of Atlantis." Nick sighed.

"What?"

"Kelly's been doing a happy dance all morning. I've had to threaten her several times to calm down and not be rude. She and Courtney don't exactly get along."

The edges of Sheppard's mouth began to turn up in a small smile. "Imagine that."

"Go get yourself some breakfast; you're going to need it."

Sheppard stood, then paused and turned back. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you. Have you asked Kelly out yet?"

Nick stopped chewing. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, Doc, it's obvious you've got a crush on her. You should ask her out." Sheppard raised his eyebrows, pursed his lips, and nodded—it was his "trust me, I'm much too cool to be wrong about anything" face—then whispered, "I think she likes you too." Without giving Nick a chance to reply, he turned and headed toward the food line. But all Nick could do was stare. Had he really been that obvious?

----------------------------------------------

"You're late, Colonel," said Heightmeyer as Sheppard entered her office.

"Sorry," he mumbled, taking a seat in the chair in front of her desk.

"It's not a problem; just don't make it a habit. So, what would you like to talk about today?"

"Me? I was under the impression that you were the one that wanted to talk."

"Starting the evasive maneuvers early, I see. Okay, I'll pick the topic. Let's go back to when you decided to go after Kolya. Tell me what happened that night."

Sheppard had his right ankle propped on his left knee, and began to pick at the edge of his shoes. They were new and stiff—a daily reminder of where his old, comfortable shoes had been left.

"Colonel?"

Sheppard looked up, realizing that he had let his mind wander. He seemed to do that a lot lately. "Sorry. Just thinking about shoes."

Kate frowned, sensing this might be relevant. "What about shoes? Those look new. Are they?"

"Yeah. New and stiff. Funny how you miss shoes after you've broken them in just right and they feel good. I hate new shoes."

"Where are the old ones?" She knew, of course.

"I guess the Genii have them. They were gone when I woke up there. Wonder what size Kolya wears?"

Kate looked at him curiously. "Why? What are you thinking?'

"I threw up on his shoes. I just suddenly had this image of him wearing mine." Sheppard's gaze was distant. "I hope they give him blisters."

"Is that something you think of often, that you left your shoes behind?"

"Every step I take," he said quietly. "I left more than my shoes behind."

"What else?"

Sheppard suddenly realized that he had gotten caught up in the conversation and said more than he'd intended. "Shirt, weapons, and dang it, my best jacket."

Kate recognized the shift in tone—their productive time was over. The rest of the conversation would be filled with superficial answers and stall tactics. But she believed that if she whittled away long enough, she'd break through. Provided, of course, that she didn't lose her mind first.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 8

Sheppard strolled into the jumper bay, praying that there would be someone to talk to or something to do. He was going stir crazy. He felt wired most of the time, in spite of the fact that he wasn't sleeping well. So far, he'd been successful in hiding it from Beckett, but he knew it was just a matter of time before it caught up to him. He needed some real activity to tire him out.

The hatch to one of the jumpers was open and he heard voices coming from inside. Good—something to do. He walked up the ramp to the back of the jumper. The door to the compartment under the control panel had been lifted up about two feet and a pair of legs emerged from the opening. Someone else was sitting in the pilot's seat, bent over and peering into the darkness.

"What do you see?" asked the man in the chair. Sheppard recognized the voice as that of Lt. Bond.

"This is really weird, nothing like any engine I've ever seen. You _are _keeping watch, right?" came the muffled voice of Major Lorne.

"Oh, yeah," said Bond as he turned around. His mouth dropped open and his eyes widened at the sight of Sheppard standing there watching them.

"Colonel Sheppard," said Bond loudly as he stood up.

"No, you're not watching for the Colonel," responded Lorne. "He's on sick leave so we shouldn't have to worry about him. You're supposed to be watching for Dr. Harrison."

Lorne backed out of the small opening, smacking his head on the edge when he failed to duck far enough. "Ow! Dang it! We're not . . ." Lorne's eyes fell on Sheppard, leaned against the bulkhead, his arms crossed and a bemused expression on his face.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

Sheppard nodded. "Major Lorne. Lt. Bond. Mind telling me what you're up to?"

The two men looked at one another, each willing the other to explain. Lorne finally took the lead. "Well, Colonel, I sort of work on cars as a hobby. Or, at least I did when I was back on earth. Anyway, I was just wondering what was under the hood, so to speak."

Sheppard looked at the gaping hole under the control panel door. "This looks like a lot of trouble to look under the hood."

Lorne glanced at the opening and then back to Sheppard. "Oh, no sir. That wasn't us. Dr. Harrison was down here making some adjustments and they called him away to the lab. We were restocking the jumper and happened to notice the opening, and . . ." Lorne gestured forward with his hand.

One side of Sheppard's mouth curled into a lopsided grin. "You just thought you'd have a look."

Lorne shrugged his shoulders. "Well, yes sir. It's pretty cool, sir. You should take a look."

Sheppard had no intention of crawling around on the floor, but he had to admit, his interest was piqued. "So, what does it look like?"

"Hard to describe, sir. You just have to see it."

Sheppard brought his right hand up, resting his thumb under his chin and rubbing his lower lip with his index finger. "You know, we pulled a lot of the maintenance on our helicopters in Afghanistan. It might be kind of interesting to see how these babies compare." He turned and looked toward the back of the jumper. "How long has Harrison been gone?"

"About twenty minutes, sir," responded Bond. "But he had to go all the way back to the lab and fix whatever problem they had. We should still have at least fifteen or twenty minutes."

Sheppard moved forward and got down on his hands and knees, peering into the dark opening. "Maybe just a quick peek." He reached around and took the flashlight that Lorne had extended. "And remember, I was never here." He stretched out on his belly and crawled forward until the upper half of his torso was under the console.

"Hey, guys, this _is_ really cool."

Lorne and Bond grinned at each other, relieved to know they weren't in trouble. Bond went to sit back down, but he stumbled over Sheppard's outstretched legs and fell into the seat, his own legs flying up and his foot connecting with the clip that was holding the door suspended in place. The heavy panel came crashing down, striking Sheppard across the shoulder blades. His muffled cry jolted the two men into action.

"Colonel! Lt., help me get this off him!" Scrambling to the large metal door, Lorne and Bond each grabbed one side lifted it off the Colonel, then secured it back in the open position. As they knelt on either side of Sheppard, they heard a low moan come from under the console.

"Colonel, you okay?" asked Lorne.

Sheppard groaned and mumbled as his feet searched for purchase on the jumper floor.

"Colonel, do you need help getting out?" Lorne looked up at Bond as Sheppard mumbled a response. "Did you hear him?"

Bond just shook his head as Lorne considered the situation. Sheppard's entire upper body was under the console, and the only way Lorne could see to help the man out was to grab him by the legs and pull. If he'd damaged his back, that could make things worse.

Both men were relieved when Sheppard finally began backing out of the hole. When he was almost out, they grabbed him by the upper arms and help him the rest of the way, then turned him so he could sit.

"Oh, crap." Sheppard squeezed his eyes closed. "How much does that door weigh, anyway?" He tried shifting his shoulders in various directions to alleviate the pain, grimacing as each one failed.

Lorne looked petrified. "Sir, we should get you to the infirmary."

Sheppard continued to search for a comfortable position. "It's just bruised, Major. I'm okay."

Lt. Bond was also starting to look concerned. Despite Sheppard's protests that he was fine, the young pilot thought he looked a little pale. "Sir, I think Major Lorne is right. I think you should go get checked out."

"I just got out of there a few days ago. I wasn't planning a return trip quite so soon. Help me up."

Each man grabbed one of Sheppard's arms and pulled him to his feet. His legs gave way and began to fold underneath him as soon as he put weight on them. Lorne and Bond held him up.

"Whoa, sir," Lorne said.

Sheppard got his balance and steadied himself against his men. "I'm good."

"Sir, I really need to insist that you let us help you to the infirmary," said Lorne.

Sheppard slumped slightly to one side. His back was hurting to the point that he could barely move his arms, and it wasn't showing any signs of getting better. He hated to admit it, but if he didn't want to be up all night in agony, he would probably need some help from Beckett. "Okay. Okay."

The look of relief on Lorne's face was almost enough to make the chewing-out he was going to get from Beckett worth it. He pulled his arms from the grip of the two soldiers and immediately regretted it, groaning and wincing at the stabbing pain it caused. "I can walk," he grouched, but he didn't object when they followed him to the infirmary. It was easier just to let them come.

Sheppard had never realized before how much you use your shoulders and back when you walk. By the time he had reached the infirmary, he was walking slowly and stiffly, desperately trying not to jar his aching shoulder blades. Beckett noticed them as soon as they crossed the threshold and headed their direction with a scowl on his face. Sometimes Sheppard thought the doctor was psychic and just hadn't told anyone.

"Colonel, would you be walking like that for a reason?"

Oh, he was in so much trouble. "Funny thing, Doc. I had a bit of a mishap."

"Funny, is it. You don't seem to be laughin', Colonel. What have you done this time?"

"Just a bruise. I may need a little Tylenol . . . or something."

Beckett snorted. "A little Tylenol. Can you make it to a bed?"

"I can make it." Sheppard eased himself across the room and onto an exam bed.

Beckett looked over at Lorne and Bond. "So, what happened? You better tell me, because I doubt he will."

"Uh, we were just looking under the hood of a jumper, and the Colonel came along and decided he'd take a look too. Anyway," continued Lorne, "the door panel fell and hit him across the back. It's pretty heavy, so we thought maybe he should come see you."

Beckett raised his eyebrows. "I wasn't aware jumpers had a hood."

"Metaphorically speaking," said Lorne.

Beckett crossed his arms and turned to face Sheppard. "You _do_ remember the part about you not being on active duty, right?"

"It was just a quick peek at the engine. I didn't think anything could happen." He winced as he inadvertently leaned too far to one side.

Beckett looked back at Lorne and Bond. "Thank you lads for deliverin' the Colonel. I can take it from here."

Lorne and Bond nodded. "Sorry, sir. Hope you're okay," called Lorne as they turned and left.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," murmured Sheppard. He looked up to see Beckett staring at him. "Okay, let's get the lecture over with. Then I think maybe I need to lay down a minute." The pain across his back now seemed to be radiating into his chest, and sitting upright was making it worse.

"Let's just have quick look." Beckett raised Sheppard's shirt and looked at his back. "You're starting to bruise already."

"I think I could have told you that. Can I get some Tylenol now so I can get back to my room and lay down?"

"Not yet. Let's get your shirt off and let me have a closer look. I need to make sure you don't have any serious damage and check the older wounds on your back. Then I'll get you something for the pain."

Beckett helped Sheppard get his shirt off, a process that left the Colonel panting and pale, and then helped the injured man ease onto his stomach. When he began to probe the bruised area, Sheppard flinched.

"Carson?" Beckett looked up to see Elizabeth walking in. "I just saw Major Lorne in the hall and he said they brought John in."

Sheppard raised one hand up at the wrist. "Present," he said, his voice muffled by the pillow in which his face was partially buried.

Elizabeth smiled until she reached Sheppard's bed, where she saw a dark bruise across his upper back. What took her breath away, though, was the heavy scarring from the injuries inflicted by the Genii, still fresh and raw. She gasped before she had a chance to steady herself and silently prayed John hadn't heard. Then she turned her eyes to Beckett, her expression asking if it had been as bad as it looked. He just nodded.

Recovering her composure, Elizabeth asked, "So, is he okay?"

"Looks like some deep bruising. I think we'll put some ice on it for a bit, try to alleviate some of the swelling and soreness. He should be fine."

"Good. I'm not exactly sure what happened; Major Lorne and Lt. Bond were a bit vague, but you need to be more careful, John."

"More careful. Got it," came the muffled response.

Elizabeth smiled at Beckett. "Let me know if anything changes."

"Aye." Beckett turned back to Sheppard. "Stay put, Colonel. I'll be right back."

"I'll be here." In truth, Sheppard wasn't sure he could move if he wanted to.

Beckett returned a few minutes later. "Okay, Colonel, let me help you up." Beckett gave Sheppard a hand as he rolled onto his side, swung his legs off the bed, and sat up.

"Change into these scrub bottoms," Beckett said as he placed a set of scrubs on the bed. "Then we're going to take a quick X-ray just to be on the safe side, get you some pain medication, and ice your back for a bit."

Sheppard stared at the scrubs. "Why do I need scrubs for that?"

"Because you're going to be my guest for the night."

Sheppard frowned. "It's just a bruise, Doc. You even said so yourself."

"You're not stayin' because of the bruise. You're stayin' because you look like you haven't slept in a week. I'm willin' to bet that when we take your blood pressure, it'll be high."

Sheppard sighed and looked at the floor. "I can _go_ to sleep, Doc. I just can't seem to _stay_ asleep for very long. And then I get to feeling anxious and can't stay in bed."

"Why didn't you come talk to me, son? That's what I'm here for."

"I don't know. I guess I thought you'd either send me to Heightmeyer more or pump me full of drugs."

"You're not very trusting, are you?"

Sheppard was relieved that Beckett's tone was one of concern and not offense. "It's not a lack of trust, Doc, and it's nothing personal. I've just . . . I've had to rely on myself for so long that it's hard to lean on anyone else."

Beckett patted Sheppard's leg. "Well, we'll have to work on that."

----------------

Kolya's men had come to take him back outside for more fun. He pulled back hard and fast, ramming his back into something that caused a stabbing pain. He breathed in sharply, groaning as it persisted.

"Colonel?" Kolya was in his face, grinning like he'd won the lottery.

Sheppard mustered all his energy and struck out at soldier. "Get away from me! I'll kill you!"

The guards grabbed his arms and pinned them to his sides while Kolya stood back and laughed. "You'll never be rid of me, Sheppard. Never."

Sheppard struggled harder against the men holding him, desperately trying to break away so he could kill Kolya and be free.

"Colonel Sheppard!"

Sheppard froze; the voice coming out of Kolya's mouth wasn't right.

"Colonel, can you hear me? I need you listen to my voice. You're in Atlantis, John, and I need you to calm down. We're just trying to help you."

Kolya's face slowly dissolved away into Nick Strauhan, sporting a bloody nose. Two nurses and a marine were holding him down instead of Genii guards. Everyone was panting heavily, including himself.

"Doc?"

Nick nodded. "Colonel, are you with us?"

"Yeah. I . . . I'm sorry."

Nick nodded at the three people helping him. "Okay, let him go. He's okay now."

They released Sheppard and the marine excused himself, returning to guard duty in the hall. Amy went to get something for Nick's bloody nose and Kelly helped Sheppard shift around so that he wasn't pinned up against the railing.

"Are you okay, Colonel? You slammed your back against the railing pretty hard. Maybe I should take a look."

"I'm good. I guess I did that," he said, nodding toward Nick's face.

"It's okay. I think it's stopped bleeding already." Amy returned and handed Nick a damp cloth. He rubbed the blood from his face and folded the cloth over, placing it against his nose for a moment before pulling it away and looking at it. "Yeah, see? Almost stopped. I've had a lot worse than this, believe me."

Sheppard's concerned expression didn't change. "I was having a nightmare . . ."

Nick dismissed Amy and Kelly with a nod and sat down in the chair beside Sheppard's bed. "I think I set you off when I touched you. I thought I was going to do a quick check to make sure you were okay without waking you. I guess I failed miserably at that little chore."

Sheppard sighed. "Not your fault, Doc."

They sat in silence for a moment while Nick contemplated how to proceed. "Has this happened before? Is this why you can't sleep?"

"It's not usually this bad. I've been having the nightmares, but I haven't attacked anyone else like that. Of course, there's no one in my quarters to attack." Sheppard's frown deepened as he gazed at Nick. "I'm losing it, aren't I?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't think you're losing it, I think you aren't giving yourself time to heal. You have this idea that you should just pop up ready to go a week or two after something happens and that just isn't possible sometimes. This is different than your standard war injury. Somehow, I doubt anything in your training prepared you for being systematically tortured by a bunch of civilians. This was a personal attack and it's not the same thing as getting shot in a battle with the enemy. You aren't superman and you're running yourself into the ground trying to be. Slow down and give yourself time. And while you're at it, let us help now and then."

Sheppard started to bring his hand up to rub his face, but grimaced and let it drop to his side. He leaned his head back into the pillow. "That's easier said than done, Doc. I've got a lifetime of depending on no one but me to overcome before I can do that."

Nick smiled. "Then I guess you'd better get started."

-------------------

Nick walked up to stand beside Kelly, who was sitting at the nurse's station updating charts. "Hey."

She glanced up. "Hey back at you."

"Uh, would you like to . . . you know, uh . . . get something to eat when we're done here?"

"Sure," she chirped. "I'm usually starved when we go off duty."

"I meant . . . like a date."

Kelly's mouth opened a bit and Nick tensed, expecting her to take back her acceptance.

"Well if it's a date, then maybe I should get cleaned up a bit first."

Nick sighed with relief. "No, that's okay. I just thought we could get something to eat and then go for a walk, maybe? It's kind of hard to take someone to a restaurant or the movies in Atlantis."

Kelly smiled. "I like walks."

Nick grinned. "Maybe sometime we could"

"Doc."

Nick paused and looked up. "Was that the Colonel?"

Kelly was already standing up. "Yes, I think it was."

They arrived at Sheppard's bed to find the Colonel pale and sweaty, his legs shifting restlessly beneath the covers.

"Colonel, what's wrong?" asked Nick, moving to the side of the bed.

"Feel sick."

Kelly grabbed a basin and Nick helped Sheppard sit up just as he vomited. When he was finished, Nick eased him back onto the bed and Kelly reappeared with a damp rag to wipe his face.

Pressing his hand to Sheppard's forehead, Nick said, "You've got a fever, Colonel. Looks like you've picked up some kind of bug."

Sheppard winced. "Please don't say bug."

-----------------------------

Beckett walked beside Nick and looked down at Sheppard. The Colonel was curled up on his side, asleep, the pillow rolled up under his head and one arm.

"Kelly said the Colonel was sick."

Nick nodded as he finished writing in the chart. "He started vomiting at 0400 and he's running a temp around 102. Muscle aches, nausea, headache. I haven't started an IV yet, but he can't even keep water down right now, so unless that improves it's probably inevitable. I don't know what he's picked up, but it hit hard and fast."

Beckett looked dismayed. "He hasn't been anywhere to pick anything up. Has anyone else shown up sick?"

"Nary a soul. You think we should have quarantined him?"

"No. We might want to limit contact with him though. It sounds like the flu."

Sheppard stirred and mumbled in his sleep.

"Carson, did Kelly tell you what else happened last night?"

Beckett sighed. "Yes, she filled me in. I'll pass it on to Kate, although I doubt she'll be surprised. She's afraid she's hit a wall on his progress with her. And I'm afraid the wall she spoke of is leading to some of his physical problems."

"What are we going to do?"

Beckett shrugged. "The only thing we can do right now is treat his symptoms and hope he opens up to someone before long. The way things are goin', I hope it's sooner rather than later."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Another round of special thanks to those that took the time to review (LOVE YOU ALL), to my beta (togitnj) for correcting a ton of mistakes while patiently teaching me to find my own, and to my inspiration (Rogue1503) for always filling me with ideas and offering encouragement when I need it most.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 9

Elizabeth poked her head into Beckett's office and found him sitting at his desk, a pile of papers before him. "You in here?" she asked.

"I'm here."

She entered the office, McKay following close behind her. "Rodney was with me when you called, so he tagged along."

Beckett nodded his approval as they sat down in the chairs on the opposite side of his desk.

"All right, Carson. What's up?"

"I wanted to let you know that Colonel Sheppard has had a bit of a setback. He became ill during the night with what looks like the flu. Fortunately, no one else has come to me with symptoms. Have you heard of anyone being ill?"

"No, I haven't. Do you think we'll have a problem with this?"

"Well, probably not. He obviously got it here at Atlantis since he hasn't been anywhere else in the last three weeks. The fact that no one else is presenting symptoms probably means that very few have been infected. But I would like to know if anyone else is ill and just hasn't reported to me so we can try to keep this confined."

"I'll check around and let you know. How sick is he?"

"He's pretty miserable right now—fever, vomiting, headache, generally feeling like crap. I've had to start him on an IV so he doesn't get dehydrated. He hasn't kept down so much as a drink of water since early this morning."

McKay began to feel his forehead and cheeks. "Maybe you should check me for a fever. He spent quite a while with me in the lab a few days ago and we've been eating lunch and supper together the last few days. I bet I have it. You know, I noticed I felt kind of tired and achy this morning."

Beckett looked at McKay. "You're tired and achy today because you walked five miles with Lt. Yarnell's team yesterday and you're out of shape. I understand he sets a brisk pace."

McKay sighed. "Brisk? It was much closer to running than walking. You should try moving that fast with a heavy backpack and carrying equipment cases. It's a wonder I can walk today."

"Exactly my point," said Beckett.

"Oh . . . yeah," said McKay. "But I could still have a fever."

Beckett sighed loudly. "If it'll make ya feel better, I'll check your temperature before you leave."

"Thank you!"

Elizabeth frowned at Rodney and then looked back to Beckett. "John will be okay, right? I mean this is just the flu."

"Aye, he should be fine in a few days. It may take him a bit of time to recover, though, since he was already exhausted when it hit."

"Can we see him?"

Beckett paused. "I've moved him to the back corner of the infirmary and we've set the curtains back up in an effort to minimize his contact with others. I suppose we could peek in on him a minute, but I want you to maintain some distance so I don't end up filling more beds."

The three of them got up and made their way to Sheppard's bed, stopping several feet away as Beckett indicated. He seemed to be asleep at first, but then opened his eyes as they shuffled in. Tension pulled at his pale features and he moaned softly as he shifted positions, trying to push himself more upright on the pillows.

"Hey, guys," he said, his voice scratchy and low.

"How are you feeling?" asked Elizabeth, regretting the question as soon as it left her lips.

"Death warmed over comes to mind."

Elizabeth smiled. "Well, just do what Carson says and I'm sure you'll feel better in no time."

"Yeah, no time."

McKay looked on sympathetically. "If you get bored, I could bring you some calculations to do for that energy conversion problem Radek and I have been working on."

Sheppard gave a small smile. "Thanks, but I don't think I have the energy, and every few minutes it seems like . . . oh, crap."

Beckett got the basin beside Sheppard's bed under his face as he rolled to his side and began heaving. He didn't bring up much except for some spit and bile, but the sound made McKay's stomach tighten.

"Sorry, gotta go," mumbled Rodney through clenched teeth as he hurried away from the cubicle.

When Sheppard finished, he just dropped his head back to the pillow where he was, his arm draped across the rail. He didn't have the energy to move back to the center of the bed.

Elizabeth helped Beckett ease him over far enough that he was no longer dangling off the edge of the bed. He moaned at the movement, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"Sucks," he whispered so softly they barely heard.

Beckett patted his shoulder. "Aye, lad, I know it does."

Marcy appeared with a damp rag and began to wipe Sheppard's face. Beckett took Elizabeth's arm and steered her outside the curtained area.

"We need to let him get some rest. You can stop by later if you like, or I can call you."

"I'll stop by. The nausea's pretty bad, isn't it?"

"Aye. I've given him Compazine, but it doesn't seem to be helpin' much. He's exhausted and his stomach is empty and yet he still keeps heavin'. I wish we could do somethin' more for him, but he'll just have to ride it out."

"I just hate to see him go through this so soon after . . . you know."

"I know. He'll get through it, though. We'll see to it." Beckett looked around the infirmary. "Where'd Rodney get off to? I thought he wanted me to check his temperature."

Elizabeth grinned. "I think the sound effects scared him off. Weak stomach."

Beckett returned her smile. "Well, at least the Colonel being ill is good for somethin'."

----------------------------

Sheppard watched as Genii soldiers marched around his bed, ready to take him to his next torture session, but he no longer had the energy to fight. They were everywhere, swirling around in the blur of the tilting room, his head pounding and his stomach rolling with them.

Cold seeped into every inch of his body. Feeling a blanket on him, he pulled it tighter, but it didn't help. He eventually realized that the blanket itself was freezing and tried to push it away, but hands held his arms down and pulled the blanket back over him. He thought he heard voices, but they were too garbled to recognize or understand. Out of energy, he finally stopped struggling and lay there, shivering and miserable.

Then the Genii were joined by wraith, circling his bed and taunting him. Steve was there, telling him he was going to feed on him. Then Steve stepped back and Caldwell stepped up, determination on his face.

"You know what you have to do, Colonel."

Sheppard looked where Caldwell was pointing to see Ford. But it wasn't the enzyme-hyped Ford, it was the old Ford. The innocent kid who had erroneously believed that his CO had his back. Ford waved at him. "Hi, sir."

A gun was shoved in his hand. "You know what you have to do. Now do it. That's a direct order," commanded Caldwell.

"No!" Sheppard threw the gun on the ground like it was a poisonous snake. "I won't kill him. He's just a kid."

Caldwell glared at him. "Still can't obey orders, huh Sheppard. Well take another look at your innocent kid."

Sheppard looked back to Ford in time to see him mutate into a wraith. He tried to back away as Ford descended on him, grinning with the all too familiar mouth full of sharp teeth.

"Sorry, sir," he laughed, hitting Sheppard hard in the chest with his hand and sucking the life from his body.

--------------------

McKay walked into the infirmary, searching for Beckett. He had tried to visit Sheppard each of the last two days, but the Colonel had been too miserable to carry on a conversation. McKay was hoping Sheppard would be feeling better by today. As he turned around, he almost ran into the doctor hurrying across the room with an arm full of supplies.

"Rodney! Watch where you're goin', lad."

McKay moved over. "Sorry. Where's the fire?"

Beckett paused a second, weighing whether he had time to talk to the man. "Listen, I'll talk to you later. We're having a bit of a crisis with the Colonel and I need to get back to him."

McKay's face drained of color. "What kind of a crisis? Carson, you can't tell me something like that and just leave."

"Okay, lad, but I haven't time to dawdle. The Colonel's fever has shot up to 105 and we can't seem to get it down. He's delirious and fightin' us . . . keeps yelling about the Genii and wraith and Ford and such. I'm afraid if we don't get his fever down soon, he'll start havin' seizures. I've got to go now. Come back in a few hours and check with me." Beckett turned and hurried to Sheppard's cubicle in the back of the room.

McKay stood and watched for several minutes, the area around Sheppard a virtual hub of activity. No point in going to the lab, he thought. He wouldn't be able to concentrate. Walking over to the unofficial waiting area, he pulled up a chair to where he could clearly see Sheppard's bed. As he sat there, he decided that everyone on the team should know about was happening, and reached up to activate his radio.

----------------------------

Beckett looked hopefully at Marcy as she took Sheppard's temperature, unaware his hands were clenched into fists.

He almost leaped for joy at the look of relief that crossed her face when she announced "103.8."

"Finally," he moaned.

Nick clapped him on the back. "We did it."

"It's about bloody time. I just hope we can keep it there this time. I want his temperature taken every thirty minutes."

"Yes, sir," responded Marcy.

Nick looked at Carson. "I know you're beat. You've been fighting this all afternoon. Why don't you get some rest and I'll keep an eye on him for a while."

Beckett nodded. "I will, but I'm not leaving. I'll just nap on the cot in the back. Be sure to let me know if his temperature starts edging up again. You'll need help."

"I will. Now get some rest."

Beckett rubbed the back of his neck as he left the cubicle, trying to ease some of the tension. He was exhausted.

"Carson," called Elizabeth. Beckett looked over to see Elizabeth, Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon gathered in the waiting area. He shuffled over to them with a sigh.

"It's almost nine o'clock. What are you all doin' here?" asked Beckett.

"Dr. McKay was kind enough to let us know about Colonel Sheppard," said Teyla. "We wanted to make sure he is all right. Has his condition improved?"

Beckett nodded. "Yes, finally. He scared us earlier with a minor seizure, but he should be able to get some rest now that his temperature's falling."

"Maybe it's just me, but this seems to be worse than the flu," said Elizabeth.

"Aye. We've been lookin' at his blood work. It appears to be a flu-like virus, but not quite. Could be a Pegasus Galaxy version, I suppose."

"Have you had any other cases?" asked Ronon.

"No. It's still just the Colonel. That could be caused by a number of factors. I was researchin' the Ancient database before the Colonel's temperature shot up. Maybe I can get back to that now."

"Can we see him?" asked Elizabeth.

Beckett shook his head. "No, not tonight. Come around tomorrow and we'll see how he's doin'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to the computer to see if I can find any information."

When Sheppard's friends left, Kelly stepped in Beckett's office. She watched him work on the computer until he took notice and glanced up at her.

"Please don't tell me his temperature's going up all ready?"

Kelly smiled. "No." Beckett's bunched shoulders relaxed at the news. "I was just thinking that you told Nick you'd be getting some rest. This doesn't look very restful."

"I'll be getting' some rest in a few minutes. But I saw a reference to somethin' like this in the Ancient database earlier and I wanted to track it down. It might help us with Colonel Sheppard."

"Okay, but you make sure you get some rest after that."

Beckett's eyes danced. "And what are you going to do if I don't."

Kelly crossed her arms and frowned. "I will be forced to turn you in, good doctor."

"And who would you be turning me in to, since I'm the chief medical officer?"

"You can be overridden in cases of your own health."

Carson laughed and held up his hands. "I give up. I'll just be a few minutes, I promise."

Kelly winked. "Okay, but I'll be watching."

As she left, Carson couldn't help but think he was getting a little taste of his own medicine.

---------------------

Sheppard was a little afraid to open his eyes, worried that his head might explode if he did. He wasn't sure he ever remembered having a headache this bad. He would have brought his hand up to shield his eyes, but he was so weak that even the slightest twitch took a major effort. What the hell had happened to him?

"Did he wake up yet?" someone whispered. A nurse?

"Shhh. Not yet. But his temp is holding at 102, so I'm happy."

"Dr. Beckett should be here soon. Do you want to have breakfast again?" Kelly.

"Yeah, that'd be great." Nick.

Sheppard managed to work his eyes open a bit and look their way. He moaned with the effort, drawing their attention to him.

"So, Colonel, I see you're awake. How do you feel? And something more specific than 'crappy,' if you don't mind."

Sheppard's mouth was dry and tasted vile, so he was thankful when Kelly slipped him an ice chip. "Let's see if you can keep a bit of water down today," she said.

Sheppard blinked several times, trying to keep his eyes open. He was just so tired.

"Oh, no," said Nick. "Stay with me a minute, Colonel. I need to know what you're feeling."

"Headache," whispered Sheppard. "Tired . . . ache."

"How's the nausea?"

"Better." Sheppard struggled with his eyelids a minute. "Hey, Doc . . . did you ask her?"

Nick grinned. "Yes, I did. We've actually had two dates now."

Sheppard worked to produce half of a sideways grin. "Atta . . . boy."

Kelly smiled down at Sheppard and placed her hand on his arm. "I understand I have you to thank for him finally working up the nerve to ask me. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me."

Nick blushed. "Could we talk about something else?"

"Nick?"

He turned at the sound of Beckett's voice behind him. "Yeah, Carson. We're here. Guess who's awake?"

Beckett stood beside him, observing Sheppard. "Good mornin', Colonel. Nice to see you awake."

"Doc," said Sheppard, still trying to keep his eyes open.

"How's his temperature?" asked Beckett.

"Maintaining 102 for the last few hours. He said he has a headache and he's tired and achy, but the nausea is better," reported Nick.

Beckett nodded. "Colonel, your team is lurking outside waiting to see you. I have a feelin' the only way to get rid of them is to let them in for a minute. Think you can handle that?"

"Sure."

"I'll get them, doctor," said Kelly as she slipped out between the curtains. She returned a few seconds later with Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, and Elizabeth.

"Hey, guys," Sheppard croaked.

"You look a little better than the last time I saw you. Well, at least you sound better," said McKay, his upper lip curling at the thought of Sheppard hurling.

"Thanks McKay. You're all heart."

McKay was about to snap back, but fell silent as he took in the flush of Sheppard's cheeks and the fact that he was lying perfectly still, moving only to breath. It was obvious that Sheppard was fighting to keep his eyes open, and he wasn't doing a terribly good job of it—each time his eyes closed, it was a little longer before they opened again.

Teyla filled in the silence. "We wanted to see you and tell you that we hope you feel better soon."

"Yeah," said Ronon. "No soldier should ever look like you do now.'

There was a pause while they waited to see if he was still awake. He finally responded. "Thanks . . . I think."

Beckett and Nick looked at one another and nodded. "Time to go," said Beckett. "You've seen him. He's alive and kickin'. Well, maybe not kickin' just yet, but he will be soon. So out with you."

Elizabeth squeezed his shoulder, but he didn't open his eyes to look at her this time. "Feel better, John." She smiled at him as he made a small sound under his breath; she doubted he had even heard her. But he was sleeping and he was getting better, and that was something. These days, she'd take anything she could get.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Sorry about the slow, mundane pace of this chapter. I'll try to pick up the pace next time.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 10

Nick stepped into Beckett's office. "I think Kelly and I are leaving if you don't need us anymore."

"No, you two go ahead."

"Did you ever find anything in the Ancient database that compares to what's going on with the Colonel?"

Beckett nodded. "Aye. I found one reference to something presenting itself exactly like what's affecting the Colonel. We're doin' the right thing by just treatin' the symptoms and trying to make him as comfortable as possible. Seems to be similar to a very rough version of our flu."

Nick looked somewhat confused. "Wonder why he's the only one that got it."

Beckett sighed. "It actually makes sense, considerin'."

Nick crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Considering what?"

"Well, two things actually. First, I think the Ancient gene may have something to do with this, since he has the strongest gene of anyone here. The second thing has to do with who the virus tends to hit hardest. According to the records, most people were able to fight the virus off. The only ones it really made sick were those with compromised immune systems."

Nick nodded and frowned. "And the past couple weeks, the Colonel's certainly been a nice feeding ground for a virus looking for a new home."

"Aye. The good news is that it's rarely fatal. Patients just have a miserable time for about a week. Since his fever has come down and stabilized, I think we have him through the worst of it."

"Well, that is good news. He'll be glad to hear that. Just be careful touching him when he's dreaming." Nick rubbed the side of his nose. "If he punches that hard when he's sick, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of one when he's healthy."

Beckett frowned. "I never did look at that."

"Just bruised. Nothing broken, I promise." Nick paused, his brow furrowing. "The nightmares are getting worse, aren't they?"

Beckett rubbed his chin. "Aye, it seems they are. Not much we can do about that."

Nick glanced back over his shoulder. "Here comes Kelly, so I guess we're outta here."

Beckett smiled. "So, do you two have another date?"

"I don't know if I'd call this one a date; I think we're just eating together because we're both starved. Probably just eat and hit the sack."

Beckett raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really?"

Nick's face turned bright red. "Not like that! In our own quarters . . . alone. Sheesh, Carson, we just started dating."

Kelly stopped right beside Nick. "Are we ready?"

"Oh, yeah. We're ready."

"See you tonight, Dr. Beckett," said Kelly as Nick hurried her out the door.

oOo

Sheppard managed to get his hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes. He blinked and squinted at a room that stayed out of focus for a few minutes. When his sight cleared, his eyes widened in surprise.

"Ronon?" he croaked.

"We were checking up on you."

Sheppard let his eyes move around the room, but he didn't see anyone else there. He was beginning to worry that he was more out of it than he had realized. "We?"

"Teyla is talking to one of the nurses."

"Oh," said Sheppard, relieved.

"Feel any better?"

"A little." Sheppard tried to clear his throat of a persistent tickle, but only succeeded in triggering a coughing fit. After a minute, he finally laid back against the pillows, exhausted and breathing hard.

"Ice?"

Ronon was now standing beside his bed and he hadn't even seen the man move. Unlike the nurses, who slipped the ice chips in your mouth when you were weak and sore, Ronon just held out the cup toward Sheppard.

"Thanks." Sheppard reached for the cup with his trembling hand, and then gripped it with both hands as he leaned forward off the pillows. Focusing all of his attention on holding the cup steady, he brought it to his lips. Much of the ice had melted, leaving cold water that felt good in his dry mouth and sliding down his tortured throat.

Suddenly the ice, which had temporarily wedged in the bottom of the cup, broke loose and crashed into his face, sending water and ice into his lap. Caught off-guard, Sheppard fumbled the cup, dumping the remaining contents down the front of his shirt. The shock of the cold water caused him to inhale suddenly, sucking a piece of ice down his throat. Sheppard coughed and sputtered on it.

Not knowing how to help, Ronon finally slapped Sheppard soundly on the back, right between the shoulder blades. Sheppard gasped at the pain that exploded from the bruise there.

Teyla and Marcy came through the privacy curtain just in time to see Ronon hit Sheppard on the back.

"Ronon!" snapped Teyla.

The two women moved to either side of the bed and Ronon moved quickly aside. When Sheppard finally caught his breath and quit coughing, they helped ease him back against the pillows.

"We'll need to get you into some dry scrubs, Colonel. These are soaked," Marcy said, narrowing her eyes at Ronon.

Sheppard closed his eyes and moaned.

"I'll be right back," said Marcy.

"I will stay with Colonel Sheppard," assured Teyla. She then turned to Ronon. "What were you doing?"

Ronon shrugged. "He wanted ice. I gave it to him."

Teyla's eyebrows shot up. "You just gave him a cup of ice water?"

"Guess so."

"Could you not see that he needed help?" Teyla's voice was slowly rising with her level of exasperation.

"I figured he could handle a cup of ice."

"Well, you figured wrong. The Colonel has been very ill and is very weak. You should have held the cup for him."

Ronon sighed. "I'm not a nurse."

"Got that right," said Sheppard weakly.

Teyla turned to Sheppard. "Are you all right, Colonel . . . John?"

"Will be. Ronon?"

"Yeah, Sheppard."

Sheppard opened his eyes to stare at Ronon. "You ever hit me like that again and I'll kick your ass."

Taking in Sheppard's glare and tone of voice, Ronon decided against laughing. After all, the man wouldn't be in the infirmary forever.

oOo

Carson Beckett strolled up to Sheppard's bed as Marcy finished getting the Colonel settled in a sitting position.

"He's all set. Do you need anything else?"

"No thank you, lass."

Marcy nodded and left as Beckett moved closer to the bed.

"How are you feeling this afternoon? Is your back any better?"

"Mostly just tired and achy. I feel like someone siphoned off every scrap of energy I have. The term 'washed out' just doesn't do it justice. My back's okay; finally quit throbbing. I just have to watch how I lay on it."

"Sorry I couldn't give you anything, but I didn't want to run the risk of making you nauseous again."

"That's okay, Doc. It wasn't that bad, not like that first day."

"Colonel, I want you to realize that it's goin' to take you a while to get over this. You weren't completely over the ordeal with the Genii and this illness took a lot out of you. I need you to be patient with your recovery and not try to do too much too fast."

"I know . . . I will."

"Your temperature is down to 101, so I thought we'd try to keep you awake for a wee bit this afternoon. We need to start trying to build your strength back up. Do you think you could eat somethin'?"

Sheppard frowned. "Maybe."

"I sent for a bit of broth."

Beckett turned at the sound of someone coming up behind him to see Marcy carrying a steaming mug of soup.

"Anyone here order soup?" she asked. She carried it over and set it on the rolling table, pushing it over Sheppard's lap.

As soon as the smell hit Sheppard's nose, his stomach recoiled. "Oh," he moaned as he clamped his hand over his mouth, turned his head, and began to gag.

Beckett immediately grabbed the mug and handed it back to Marcy. "Better get that out of here." He grabbed the basin so he'd be ready in case needed it.

Sheppard closed his eyes tightly and clenched his jaw shut, concentrating on keeping his meager stomach contents in his stomach. The thought of vomiting yet again was about as frightening as fighting a wraith right now. His eyes watered with the effort and another low moan escaped as the water he'd just ingested surged up.

Beckett just stood back watching, willing the man to hold it together. He didn't speak or touch the Colonel, afraid of distracting him from his effort. Sheppard finally leaned his head back against the pillow. Bringing his hands up to his face, he wiped his eyes and sighed. "Crap."

Beckett's brow furrowed. "Sorry about that. I should have anticipated the smell causing you problems. Maybe we can try something else later . . . maybe some jello."

"Fine, just not now. And nothing that smells. I'm thinking odorless and tasteless. Yeah, mess hall jello should fit the bill."

Beckett smiled. "I won't tell the cook you said that."

"Carson?" Beckett turned to see McKay approaching. "Is it safe?"

"Aye, you can come visit. Maybe you can help keep the Colonel awake for a bit while I get some things done." Beckett turned back to Sheppard. "Let me know if you need anythin', and I'll check with you in a bit."

"Okay, Doc." Sheppard watched Beckett leave and noticed that McKay hadn't really come much closer. "It's okay, Rodney. I won't hurl on you or anything."

"I just don't want to catch anything. I'm too busy right now to get sick."

"You won't get sick. Doc said probably the only reason I got it was a depressed immune system or something like that."

McKay frowned. "Why do you have a depressed immune system?"

"Not sure. I was kind of drifting when he was telling me all this, so I really only heard part of it."

"Why don't you ask him?"

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Because then he'll think I wasn't listening to him."

"Well, you weren't."

"I was too! At least I was trying to listen. I certainly wasn't not listening to him on purpose."

"You never listen to people when they're explaining things to you. You have the best 'not listening' skills of anyone I've ever met."

Sheppard leaned his head back into the pillow. "I think my headache is coming back."

McKay crossed his arms. "So now I give you a headache, huh? See if I waste my time coming to visit you anymore."

"Well, look at it this way, McKay. At least you didn't help me dump ice water all over myself."

oOo

Kolya grabbed Sheppard's wrist, pulling him forward. Sheppard twisted and pulled away from the grinning face of his most hated enemy.

"No! I'm not going with you this time." Sheppard backed away, scrambling from Kolya's laugh.

"You can't escape me Colonel. I thought you would understand that by now."

Sheppard felt the hands of guards, trying to subdue him. Wrenching away, he managed to get to his feet and tried to run. But his legs were weak and shaky, and he didn't get very far before they gave way, dumping him on the floor. He crawled, desperate to get away from the punishment Kolya would take him to; he just couldn't do it again. He clawed and scratched and screamed against his captors until he felt the heavy, drugged darkness close in around him.

Beckett sat on the floor, clinging to the empty syringe and panting as he tried to catch his breath. He looked over to Marcy, Courtney, and McKay, all sitting around Sheppard's unconscious form. His gaze settled on the wide-eyed, pale face of the scientist.

"Are you okay, Rodney?" Beckett asked.

"Carson, what's happening to him? Is it the fever? One minute he's asleep and the next . . ."

Beckett sighed. "His fever is no longer high enough to be causin' this. It's nightmares. And they're getting' worse."

McKay shook his head. "That was more like a hallucination than a nightmare. He didn't even know who we were or where he was." McKay looked at Sheppard, sprawled out on the ground. Drops of blood were splattered on the floor and on Sheppard's scrubs from the IV line he had ripped out in the struggle. "This is bad, isn't it?"

"Aye. I think it's time Kate and I talked to Elizabeth."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

I'm terribly sorry about the long delay. I'm afraid I got sidetracked with an Epiphany tag that I had to get out of my head. I'll try to stay on task this time.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 11

Elizabeth went back to the beginning of the report for the fourth time. Carson had called nearly an hour ago to ask if he and Kate could come by to talk to her and she hadn't been able to concentrate since. She knew it was about John and she could tell from his tone that it wasn't good.

She looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps to see Kate and Carson enter her office. She stood and offered them chairs, their serious expressions doing nothing to soothe her nerves. When they were all seated, she took a deep breath and began. "I assume you're here to talk about John."

"Aye. Kate and I have been talking and we are agreed that his recovery is not progressing as we'd hoped," said Beckett.

Elizabeth frowned. "I thought he was getting better, that his fever was almost gone."

"It is. But the problem is why he got sick in the first place."

"You said the virus attacked people with depressed immune systems. I thought he got sick because he hadn't recovered from his previous injuries."

Beckett sighed. "There's more truth to that than you know. I'll grant that he probably was still a bit weak from his experiences with the Genii, but I don't feel that was the primary problem. Elizabeth, as near as I can tell, he barely sleeps a few hours a night before he wakes with nightmares. I think the continued stress of repressing his experiences, along with the sleep deprivation, were contributing factors in his weakened immune response. What I'm trying to say is that his deteriorating mental condition is starting to affect his physical health."

Elizabeth looked at Kate. "And you concur?"

Kate nodded. "Yes, I do. He continues to resist therapy. We talk for an hour and when it's over, I still don't know anything. He's boxing everything up and repressing it, and there are two big problems with that. One, he's got a lot of emotional baggage compartmentalized and shoved in the back room already, which doesn't leave much space for anything new. The other problem is the sheer volume of what he's trying to ignore. It's not just the memory of what they put him through, it's also the fear that it could happen again, either to him or to someone he loves. And he's carrying tremendous guilt. I've also come to believe that he's developed an especially intense fear and hatred for Kolya; I think his willingness to sacrifice himself to kill Kolya was born out of that hatred and fear rather than guilt. What Kolya did to you and Dr. McKay disturbs him more than I first thought, and in his mind, Kolya could come back and do it again, or worse."

Carson continued when Kate fell silent. "He's had a couple of bad spells while he's been in the infirmary. He dreams to the point of hallucinatin'. He punched Nick the other day and then today . . . well, we had to knock him to the floor and sedate him. I couldn't get him to come out of it. These incidents are becoming more frequent and more alarmin'."

"He's suffering post traumatic stress disorder," Kate said, "but I think it's also more complicated than that. He's depressed, he can be violent, and he's not dealing with any of it. What happens if an armed John Sheppard hallucinates that some of us are Genii soldiers coming to torture him again? Until he lets us help him, he's a danger to himself and to everyone else in Atlantis."

Elizabeth felt her stomach tighten and her mouth go dry. She was afraid to ask the next question, but she had to. "What are you suggesting?"

Kate took a deep breath, searching for courage. "He needs help, Elizabeth, and he's not getting it from me. He needs someone with more training and experience with torture victims. It's my official recommendation that he be sent back to Earth on the Daedalus's next run for treatment."

Elizabeth wasn't sure what she had expected, but that wasn't it. She sat in shocked silence, trying to let the implications of Kate's suggestion sink in. Her gut response was that there was no way she would send him back to Earth. How could she run Atlantis without him? And yet, how could she run Atlantis with him like he was now?

"Elizabeth," started Kate, "I know this seems harsh. But we have to think of the Colonel right now and I honestly think this is the best thing for him. It may be his only chance at putting this behind him so he can go on with his life."

"It'll kill him," Elizabeth said.

"No," said Kate, "but not sending him home might."

Elizabeth looked up at Beckett, but he was staring at his hands and refused to make eye contact. "Carson, do you agree?"

"I'm not a psychiatrist. I can only tell you that his mental condition has had a negative effect on his physical recovery and that it should not be allowed to continue. Dr. Heightmeyer is the only one qualified to make judgments on the proper course of his mental treatment."

"Have . . . have you told him?"

"No," said Kate. "We thought we should talk to you first."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll go talk to him. He should hear it from me."

"He's still sedated, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow. I don't think his mind will be clear enough to understand until then," Beckett frowned, shaking his head at the thought.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "All right, I'll come by in the morning." That would give her all night to try to figure out how to tell John Sheppard that he was getting shipped back to Earth.

oOo

Elizabeth's stomach rolled as she walked into the infirmary. She was tired and wrung out and pretty sure she hadn't slept more than ten minutes last night. She'd rehearsed what she was going to say a thousand times, but none of it had seemed right. How do you tell someone you've depended on that you're going to ruin their life?

"Hey, Elizabeth. You look lost." She hadn't even realized she was this close to John's bed. He was propped up and eyeing her. "What's wrong?"

She attempted to smile. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yeah, actually, you are. What's up?"

She clasped her hands together and searched for the words. Her job was to figure out how to put things with the least amount of negative twist, but she had nothing this time.

"You're starting to scare me. Just say it."

John's eyes were dark and serious, his brow furrowed, his mouth tense. Waiting for the shoe to drop.

"John, Kate and Carson feel that you haven't made much progress with your mental recovery and that it's having a negative effect on your physical recovery. Kate feels that you need someone with more experience treating problems like the ones you're having."

"Like who?"

"Like military doctors on Earth."

Sheppard could feel a tightening in his chest as his heart rate went up and his breathing increased. "What do you mean on Earth? What are you saying?"

"It's Kate's recommendation that you return to Earth for treatment until you can get past this thing."

Sheppard looked like he'd been shot. The color drained from his face and he was almost panting. "You can't be serious. You told her no, right? I can't go back to Earth."

"John, she feels it's for the best. She said your nightmares are progressing toward hallucinations and getting worse. You have to get help."

"They'll never let me come back! If I go back to Earth under these circumstances, they'll never let me come back . . . I'll get a medical discharge or get sent back to Antarctica. There's nothing for me on Earth, Elizabeth. Nothing. I can't go back there."

She put her hand on his arm to comfort him, but he pulled away and ran his hand through his hair. His eyes were wide and the motion spastic.

"John, you can come back when you're better. I'll insist on it."

He laughed, but it was humorless. "You can't be that naïve. Caldwell will have my job in a heartbeat and there's no way he'll let me back in Atlantis. He'd see it as a threat. If I go back to Earth, I stay there. And that's why I'm not going. You can relieve me of duty and kick me out of Atlantis, but I'm _not_ going back to Earth." As he spoke, Sheppard tossed the covers back and began climbing out of bed.

Elizabeth stood in front of him, blocking his way. "What are you doing? You won't make it ten feet. Lay back down or I'm calling Carson to sedate you again."

Sheppard eyed her, trying to decide if she was bluffing. Just the effort of sitting up already had him feeling shaky, so he decided it didn't really matter if she was serious or not. He wouldn't even make it to the infirmary door before he collapsed. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.

"John, the Daedalus won't be here for another four weeks. Things can change."

"You should have let me go after Kolya. I could have taken care of a problem and died a hero instead of wasting away as a miserable nothing."

She tried to put her hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away and crawled back into bed.

"Just leave me alone. You've said what you came to say," he snapped, and then turned his back to her.

Carson saw Elizabeth leaving and moved toward her, intending to ask how it had gone. But she rushed by him, wiping the tears from her face. He sighed. It must have gone pretty much as he had expected.

oOo

McKay strolled into the infirmary shortly after noon. He'd had a fabulous lunch, finished his project with Radek, and was in a great mood. He wanted to share it with the Colonel.

"Hey, Sheppard. Don't try to act like you're sleeping because I can tell you're awake. Radek and I finally finished that little project I was telling you about earlier, so I thought I'd come dazzle you with our collective genius."

Sheppard continued to lie with his back to McKay. "Colonel? What's up? You aren't sick again, are you?"

McKay stared at Sheppard's back, the continuing silence beginning to worry him. He was just thinking about calling Carson when Sheppard finally spoke.

"She's sending me back to Earth."

McKay stood, his brows drawn and his mouth hanging open for several seconds before he could think of anything to say to that. "Who? Who's sending you back to Earth?"

"Elizabeth."

McKay relaxed and shook his head. "Elizabeth would never do that. Where'd you get a cockamamie idea like that?"

"She told me this morning." Sheppard rolled onto his back to look at McKay. "She's shipping me out on the Daedalus on its next run. I'm history, McKay."

"Don't say that! You're not going anywhere. I'll go talk to her."

Sheppard shook his head. "Won't do any good. I did everything but beg, and I would have done that if I thought it'd make a difference."

"Well . . . I can be pretty annoying when I beg. I'll get her to listen."

"She's not going to change her mind. Heightmeyer has her pretty convinced that I'm a basket case." He paused, his expression sliding from anger to sadness. "Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm not fit for duty any more and maybe I can't stay on Atlantis, but I can't go back to Earth, either. I need you to help me."

McKay frowned, confused. "Help you what?"

"Not now, I'm still too weak. But later, before the Daedalus gets here, I need you to help me get out of here. The mainland, maybe. I could stay with the Athosians."

McKay shook his head. "They'd find you and make you go back."

Sheppard scowled. "Yeah, you're probably right. We've got some time. Maybe we could think of a world we've been to where the people might let me live."

"Are you saying you'd rather go live on some strange planet than go back to Earth?"

Sheppard barely hesitated. "Yes."

"Colonel . . . John, that's just sad."

"McKay, as long as I'm in this galaxy, I have hope of returning to Atlantis. The minute I let them send me back to Earth, I'm done. They'll never let me back. It's a miracle they let me come in the first place. Do you really think Caldwell will let Sheppard the psycho back in Atlantis?"

McKay sighed. "Well, just for the record, I've always thought you were a little psycho.But let's not get too hasty. Give me time to think of something. But if it comes down to it . . . I'll help you."

Sheppard smiled, and some of the tension drained from his body. "Thanks, Rodney. I knew you'd have my back."

"Always, Colonel. Now, let me go round up the rest of our team and see what we can come up with." He put his hand on Sheppard's shoulder and gripped it firmly. "Don't do anything stupid. I won't let them send you back."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Baileysmom: I would have sent you a personal note, but there was no response URL or email address given. I've eliminated the reference to Pollock in chapter 10. Just for the record, the only reason I thought of that is because that is the name a friend of the family goes by. That's what he TELLS everyone to call him. He has a really active sense of humor and a very long last name. I didn't know his real name for several years. He was always just Pollock. So there was definitely no offense intended. I should know in this day and time not to reference any race, religion, nationality, creed, sexual orientation, or general opinion of any kind. I'll try to keep my foot out of my mouth next time and make everyone a generic blob.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 12

Rodney, Ronon, and Teyla swept into Elizabeth's office and lined up at her desk. Their hard stares and imposing postures gave the phrase "I'm surrounded" a whole new meaning to her, but she couldn't afford to cave to them. She dropped her pen on the desk and leaned back in her chair.

"I'm guessing you've talked to John," she stated.

McKay, standing in the center of the trio, crossed his arms and glared at Elizabeth. "Why didn't you just kick him in the face, Elizabeth? It would have been much kinder."

Elizabeth winced at the comment. She had been waiting on the showdown all day, but still she felt unprepared. "I'm just trying to do what's best for John. He needs help."

"I know he needs help. I was in the infirmary when he freaked out yesterday. Heck, I helped hold him down while Carson sedated him. But he won't get the help he needs on Earth."

"Atlantis is Colonel Sheppard's home now," said Teyla. "He needs to be with his family and friends if he is to heal. We on Atlantis, we are his family and friends."

"Look," said Ronon. "I know I haven't known Sheppard very long, but I respect him. He's a good soldier, a good leader. And even I know he doesn't want to go back to Earth. He needs to work this out here, with us."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I understand what you are all saying and a part of me agrees with you. But Kate is the one with the training and the experience, and she says that unless we can get him to open up and deal with what happened, he's only going to get worse. No one's been able to do that. Maybe the doctors on Earth will have a better idea how to help him. I'm afraid that if he stays here, he'll never recover."

McKay leaned forward, putting his hands on the desk. "I want you to think about the John Sheppard you've known for the last year and a half and about how he reacted to returning to Earth on Daedalus earlier. Now look me in the eye and tell me you think he'll get better if we send him there."

Elizabeth picked up the pen and started flicking it back and forth in her fingers, all the while avoiding Rodney's eyes.

Rodney stood up and crossed his arms again. "You know what the results of Sheppard going back to Earth would be as well as I do. Either he'd end up talking them into putting him back on duty so he could volunteer for every crazy stupid suicide mission he sees, or they'd lock him up in the psych ward of the local veteran's hospital. They can't just give him a discharge if he's not stable; he's too big a security risk. They'd have to keep their finger on him and you know it as well as I do. There aren't many Jack O'Neills or General Hammonds out there to take care of good people. Look at what they did to him in Afghanistan for saving lives."

They were silent for several moments before Elizabeth spoke. "You know I may not have the final say in this, right? Once Kate makes her recommendation final, they can make him go back whether I want him to or not. There were some people that didn't want him in this position in the first place and this would be a valid reason to remove him."

"I'm telling you as his friend, sending him back to Earth is not the way to help him and he's not going." McKay's jaw was set and his stance firm. Ronon and Teyla moved up to stand shoulder to shoulder with him.

Elizabeth had to hold back a smile. "I see you've all made up your mind."

Ronon growled. "If Sheppard doesn't want to go back, then he doesn't go back."

Elizabeth nodded. "Then you'd better have a seat because we have a lot of work to do. We have to figure out how to help John before the Daedalus gets here."

oOo

Sheppard walked into his quarters and immediately began to pace. He had come close to running from the infirmary when Beckett released him, afraid that the doctor would change his mind.

He had managed not to freak out again in the week since they'd had to knock him to the floor. He didn't really remember it, but when he had finally convinced McKay to tell him what had happened, he had been horrified by his loss of control. And the nightmares still plagued him. He was afraid to go to sleep—one more reason he was shocked that Beckett had released him to his quarters.

He rubbed a hand through his hair, so tired he was almost dizzy, so nervous and agitated that he couldn't sit still. He had nothing to do because he was off duty . . . probably permanently. He closed his eyes, wishing with all his might that either Kolya had killed him or he'd made it through the gate to go after the man.

Anger and frustration boiled up inside him until he grabbed the coffee mug from his desk and hurled it against the far wall, sending a spray of ceramic shards across the side of the room. He was out the door and down the hall before all the pieces settled, unaware of the people he passed along the way.

Sheppard went through the balcony doors, barely waiting on them to swoosh open before pushing out into the sunshine and the ocean breeze. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart and shaking hands, before bending down to press his forehead to the coolness of the top rail. He was losing it.

"Colonel?"

He stood and turned at the sound.

McKay walked over to him, frowning. "Are you okay?"

"No, McKay. I'm not."

Rodney walked right up beside Sheppard and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You know we're here for you, right?"

Sheppard nodded and finally met McKay's worried gaze. "I know; I just don't know if it's enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping away . . . and pretty soon I'll be gone. Maybe I should just let Elizabeth send me back. I don't want to hurt anyone and sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing the nightmares from what's real." He looked out over the ocean. "This would be so much easier if Kolya had just killed me."

"Colonel, if you ever say that again, I'm going to kick your ass. Better yet, I'll have Ronon kick your ass. Okay, so maybe that would have been easier, but since when have you ever done anything the easy way? Why in the heck would you start now? And don't even think about giving in and getting yourself shipped back to Earth. Ronon, Teyla, Elizabeth, and of course myself have a plan to keep that from happening, but we need your help."

Sheppard's eyes widened. "Elizabeth?"

McKay nodded. "Yes, Elizabeth. She doesn't really want you to go, you know. She just listened to some bad advice. Well, maybe not so much bad advice as misguided. For anyone else, this might be the right thing to do. But not for you," Rodney flashed a self-satisfied smile, "so we took the opportunity to help her see that."

John almost smiled at that. She really had convinced him that she wanted him back on Earth, that she had given up on him here. But the smile died as he studied McKay, thought about his words. He hated the idea of leaning on people to get him through anything, even his friends. But he knew that he if he didn't, his life was over.

Finally he sighed and asked, "What do you want me to do?"

McKay patted him on the shoulder again, as if he'd never had a moment's doubt that Sheppard would listen to him. "Just come with me."

Sheppard followed McKay back into the city and down the hall. They arrived at the mess hall a few minutes later to find the room full of people, sitting at tables and milling about talking. When they entered, people began finding seats and quieting down. McKay led Sheppard to a table at the front of the assembly where Elizabeth, Ronon, Teyla, and Carson sat. They nodded at the two men as they each took an empty seat and joined the team.

Sheppard sat down uneasily, casting his eyes around the crowd that seemed to be focusing their attention on the table where he sat. Elizabeth finally stood and faced the group, and the last of the noise died down.

"Thank you for coming today. When I put out the request, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was surprised at the large response at first, but then I gave it some thought and realized how fitting it was." She turned to look at Sheppard for a second before turning back to the crowd and continuing.

"I'm sure you all remember when the Genii invaded Atlantis. Colonel Sheppard killed many Genii soldiers that day in defense of this city. Many of you also know that he was recently kidnapped and tortured at their hands in supposed retribution for killing those soldiers. Families of the soldiers were allowed to torment Colonel Sheppard with stories of how his actions had ruined their lives. We thought it might be interesting to see the other side. So anyone who wants to can come up this afternoon and tell the Colonel how his actions while in Atlantis have impacted them."

Sheppard sat in shock, unsure of what to do. He hadn't expected anything like this and was frankly a bit embarrassed at the attention. Although he understood what she was trying to do, he didn't think it would make a difference. There couldn't be that much to say.

"Since I'm already up here, I'll start," said Elizabeth. "He's actually saved everyone in Atlantis on several occasions. He took a puddle jumper up against a wraith ship to defend this city, knowing that he wouldn't be coming back. He never even hesitated, just told me he had to do it. If the Daedalus hadn't arrived when it did . . ." She paused and took a deep breath. "My most personal story, though, is when he saved me from being taken by Kolya. If he hadn't shot Kolya, I'd be dead or a prisoner on the Genii home world right now." She turned to Sheppard. "John, I don't know if I've ever let you know how really grateful I am that you didn't let that happen. For that and for every time you've saved me or this city, thank you."

Sheppard was amazed as one by one, almost every person in the room came up and told of how he'd saved their life at one time or another. Sometimes it was a general act that saved the city and sometimes it was a personal act. But each and every one was a genuine, heartfelt thanks. The members of his team finished the event with several stories of their own.

Sheppard was completely overwhelmed. He was barely aware as most of the people filed out, many of them shaking his hand, slapping him on the back, or saluting him.

"John?" Sheppard looked up to find Elizabeth standing beside him. Other than his team, Beckett, Elizabeth, and Heightmeyer were the only people left in the room.

"Why?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Your team and I put this together to show you there are two sides to every story. Kolya may see you as a killer, but we see you in a different light. None of us would be here today if it weren't for you. We just wanted you to know that. Every time you think of what one of the Genii said, I want you to think of what one of these people said."

Sheppard nodded slowly. "I'll try. I just never realized."

McKay grinned. "But we did. Of course," Rodney added with another smug smile, "not everyone can be as smart as me; just taking you a little longer to come around."

Sheppard felt so shaken that he couldn't even begin to think of a suitable reply to McKay's gentle tease, but he was grateful for it. It was a moment of normalcy, a moment that promised that he might soon figure out of what to do next, how to rectify all of this new information with the old. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and glanced back to see Beckett behind him.

"We know you need some time to sort this all out, but we also need you to remember that we're here to help you. I don't want to put pressure on you, son, but you're in a bit of a corner now. You either let us help you, or you'll end up goin' back to Earth, and none of us want that."

Sheppard looked down at the table. He'd almost forgotten about that little jewel. He scrubbed his hand across his face, trying to push away an encroaching exhaustion—he'd been lying in an infirmary bed too long and the inactivity was catching up to him.

"Colonel," said Beckett. "You need to rest. I'll stop by later to make sure you're settled, but tomorrow you need to think about talking to one of us."

Sheppard nodded. "I will. I just . . . need some time to put things in perspective." He stood up and wobbled a little but kept his feet, just studying at his friends for a moment and thinking about what they'd done. "Thanks, guys. You'll never know . . ."

McKay just grinned. "I think we've got a pretty good idea."

Sheppard smiled and walked out of the mess hall.

Elizabeth looked at the others. "What do you think? Did it make a difference?"

She was answered with several uncertain looks from Sheppard's team. "I guess time will tell," McKay finally said.

"I hope it tells us the right thing," said Elizabeth. "We don't have a lot of time left."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 13

Sheppard awoke with a start, breathing hard, every muscle tensed. His eyes flew around the darkened room as he struggled to get his bearings; he was in Atlantis, not in the Genii prison cell, and he relaxed back against the pillow. It hadn't been dark when he'd lain down earlier, thinking he would just rest a while before dinner. A quick glance at the clock told him that he'd slept a while, but it was still only 2200, and he knew he was done for the night. He got up and left his quarters, thinking a walk might help to relax him.

His dream had been a mixture of the Genii, wraith attacks, and missions gone wrong, and it left him tense and jumpy. He walked the halls until early morning, when he took a short run to the outskirts of the city. When he returned, he made his way to the jumper bay and sat in the pilot's chair of Jumper One, trying to pull his thoughts together.

oOo

McKay stepped into Elizabeth's office. "Hey Elizabeth, what do you need?"

Elizabeth, pacing with her back to McKay, turned to face him. "I'm glad you're here. I've been talking to some of the night personnel and they tell me that John's been walking the halls since before midnight. He went into the jumper bay about an hour ago. As near as I can tell, he's just sitting in Jumper One. But I think someone should go talk to him, and maybe it should be you."

McKay nodded. "One quick stop and I'm there."

oOo

McKay walked through the open hatch of Jumper One and made his way to the front. Sheppard was sitting in the pilot's chair, his legs stretched out in front of him and his arms crossed. As McKay slid into the copilot's seat and set a cup of coffee on the dash, he realized that Sheppard's eyes were closed.

"Colonel, I brought you some coffee," McKay said has he set his own cup down in front of him.

Sheppard lifted his head and opened his eyes, gazing at the cup before him. "Thanks McKay. How did you know I was here?"

"Oh, a little bird told me. And what are you doing? Planning a trip?"

Sheppard took a sip of coffee. "No, just needed a place to think. I used to sit in my chopper when I was in Afghanistan."

"What are you thinking about?"

Sheppard snorted. "How screwed up I am, what else."

"Well, that's what I'm here to fix. I am the answer man, after all."

Sheppard slid his eyes sideways toward McKay. "I'm not a power generator, McKay. I don't think it's gonna to be that easy."

"How do we know if we don't try?"

Sheppard sighed. "What do you want me to do? I understand about yesterday, and it is a comforting thought to realize I helped all those people. But I still woke up with nightmares and I'm still afraid to go back to sleep."

"_This_ is what you need to do. Talk to me. Why are you afraid to go to sleep?"

"I'm afraid of what will happen in my dreams. Right now, I'm mostly afraid I'll . . . freak out again and hurt someone. It's just so real."

McKay frowned thoughtfully as he sipped his coffee. "What if I sat with you while you slept? I could make sure you don't leave your quarters or hurt anyone, and I'll wake you if it gets too bad."

Sheppard shook his head. "I don't want someone watching me sleep, McKay. I don't need a babysitter."

"No, not a babysitter. A friend helping a friend through a rough patch. You need to let us help you. Shutting everyone out is part of what got you into this mess in the first place. We want to help. Let us in. Trust us."

Sheppard stared out through the window of the jumper. "It's just not easy for me to do that, Rodney."

McKay sighed. "Are you afraid we're going to see that you're human? That we'll think less of you if we see that you hurt and you're afraid, just like the rest of us? Because we won't, Colonel. We know _Colonel_ Sheppard. Why not give us chance to know _John_ Sheppard?"

Sheppard took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm the shaking he felt. He was pretty sure that he'd never been more afraid than he was right now, knowing that the rest of his life depended on his willingness to open up and share with others. He hadn't done that since he was a small child and wasn't even sure he remembered how. Part of him thought he was royally screwed; the rest of him wanted to try.

"All right, McKay. You're on."

McKay grinned and slapped his palm against the arm of the chair. "Great! Let's go."

"Wait a second, McKay. There's something I have to do first. Radio Elizabeth and tell her we're going for a short flight."

McKay hesitated. "I'm not sure she'll go for that right now."

Sheppard ignored him and calmly began prepping for flight. "I'm going up, McKay. You either need to get ready or get off the jumper. It'll be thirty minutes tops. I just need to get in the air for a few minutes before I suffocate."

McKay clicked his radio on. "Elizabeth, it's Rodney. Sheppard and I are going up in the jumper for about thirty minutes."

There was a brief pause. "Rodney, are you sure that's a good idea?" There was no mistaking the double meaning in the question.

"I'm sure. We'll be back in half an hour."

"All right, see you then. Be safe."

McKay nodded at Sheppard as he closed the rear hatch. "We're good to go."

"Thanks. You know, I wish we could turn the inertial dampeners off. I could use a few G's right now."

McKay frowned. "No offense, but I'm glad you can't. I _like_ the dampeners."

Sheppard grinned as they went through the now open canopy of the jumper bay. As they cleared the bay and began to fly in earnest, Sheppard's shoulders relaxed and the stiffness left his body.

They flew in relative silence. McKay sipped his coffee as he watched the pilot lose himself. He knew Sheppard was pushing the jumper, urging it to fly faster and faster, and as they gained speed, the tension in Sheppard's face faded. It wasn't long before the lines around his eyes and mouth were replaced by a look of sheer exhilaration. Sheppard wasn't so much gripping the controls as merging with them, and for a moment, Rodney envied him his skill . . . but just a moment—he'd much rather be a genius than some wild flyboy. Still, he was thrilled at the effect it had on Sheppard.

By the time they landed the jumper, Sheppard didn't look nearly so exhausted, in spite of the fact that he still hadn't slept.

Sheppard deactivated the controls and slumped back in the chair, his eyes half open and a lazy smile on his face.

"Feel better?" asked McKay.

"You have no idea."

McKay returned the smile. "Oh, I think I might. Ready for some rest? Because the bags under your eyes have bags."

"Yeah, actually I am."

"Okay, let me grab my computer and I'll be right there."

oOo

Sheppard tried to pull away from Kolya, only to have the man place his hands firmly on either side of Sheppard's face.

"Colonel! Wake up!"

Sheppard tried to shake his head. Did Kolya just tell him to wake up? He stopped struggling and looked at his enemy, trying to understand.

"John, can you hear me?" It was Rodney. Sheppard was suddenly aware he was lying on the floor, with Rodney . . . _straddling_ him?

"Rodney?"

McKay puffed out a long sigh and nodded, then climbed off Sheppard and sat with his back against the wall. Sheppard pulled himself upright and leaned back against the bed, scrubbing his face with his hand. Both men were breathing hard.

"Crap, I freaked again, didn't I?"

"Not freaked out, exactly. I was able to get you awake this time. It just took a minute, that's all."

Sheppard rested his head on the mattress and closed his eyes. "Why can't I get it together?"

"You will. It's just going to take some time. Hey, you slept almost six hours. That's pretty good, isn't it?"

Sheppard opened his eyes. "Six hours? That is good. I usually get just two or three."

"See? Things are looking up. So, tell me what you dreamed about."

"Kolya, who else?"

"Tell me about it."

"McKay, it was a nightmare. I don't want to talk about it."

McKay leveled a somber frown at him. "You have to talk about it if you expect us to help you, remember? Tell me about the dream. Get everything out in the open and quit trying to act like nothing happened! Something _did_ happen!"

Rodney's sudden switch from touchy-feely voice to angry voice caught Sheppard's attention and held it. Like the last time McKay had ditched the kid gloves and slipped into his usual, antagonistic self, it felt good to Sheppard. It felt normal.

"You were _tortured_, John—!" When Sheppard winced at that unflinching declaration, Rodney realized how worked up he'd allowed himself to get. He stopped just long enough to think himself the dumbest genius he'd ever met and then continued, much softer this time. "And you've got to look it in the eye and deal with it. Part of that is coming to terms with what's happening to you now."

Released from McKay's steady gaze, Sheppard drew his legs up and rested his forehead on his knees. "I can't do this, McKay," he whispered.

McKay pelted him with a paper wad from the garbage can. "Yes you can. You don't have a choice anymore. Now talk."

Sheppard peered up at Rodney for a moment, made a face at him, and plunked his chin down on his knees. Part of him wanted to hug McKay and part of him wanted to knock his lights out. "I hate you."

"Yeah, yeah, I hate you too, but that's not getting you out of it. Start talking, because I'm not going away. And if you think it's bad now, just remember . . . I haven't even wound up to really annoying yet."

Sheppard sighed . . . and started talking.

oOo

Elizabeth nodded at Rodney as he entered the conference room. He closed the door and sat down between Ronon and Teyla. He noticed that Carson and Kate had also made an appearance.

Not wasting any time, Elizabeth began as soon as Rodney was settled. "We've got a little less than two weeks before the Daedalus gets here. What kind of progress are we making? Kate?"

Kate looked around the table. "I'd really rather wait until I hear from the rest of you before I tell you what I think."

Elizabeth nodded. "Okay. Rodney?"

"He's started talking. It turns out that he was afraid to go to sleep because he was afraid he'd lose it again and hurt someone. Once I got him to admit that, he's let us take turns sitting with him. We wake him up if we need to, but there's a big difference between now and last week. The first night, I had to knock him to the floor and sit on him to wake him up. Last night, he woke himself up and it wasn't nearly so traumatic. He's sleeping longer and better, too."

"Yes, Dr. Weir, I too have noticed an improvement. The Colonel and I have resumed some light stick training. After each session, we talk for a while, and he has started to open up about his experiences during these times. His focus and concentration are beginning to improve as well, which I believe to be a good sign."

Kate nodded. "Yes, that is a good sign. What about you, Ronon?"

"The nightmares don't seem to be as intense. Sheppard and I don't talk much, but we did this morning after our run. I talked about being a runner, and he talked about what Kolya did to him. It's no wonder he wanted to kill the man."

Elizabeth looked at Kate. "You've talked to him this week. What do you think?"

Every eye turned to Kate. "I've met with him every day this week, and while he's not as forthcoming with me as he seems to have been with you, I do see signs of improvement. He doesn't have to talk to me as long as he talks to someone that can help him stand back and look at what happened. And you are all doing that. And I think that if you keep doing what you're doing, we can get him through this."

Elizabeth held her breath. "And?"

Kate smiled. "As long as he continues to make progress, I won't recommend that he return to Earth. He won't get better help than you're giving him here; I obviously underestimated the connection between you all. For what it's worth, I'm glad."

Every face in the room broke out in a big grin.

"Good job, people. Keep doing what you're doing and we'll meet back in a week. And thank you." Elizabeth stood up and headed for the door, feeling like a great weight had been lifted. She was almost giddy with relief as she opened the door, but suddenly stopped as she saw John Sheppard leaning against the side of the console across from the conference room. He straightened when he saw her and took a step forward.

"If you guys are done, I need to speak to you for a minute."

Elizabeth hesitated, still unsettled at finding him waiting outside the door for them to finish. How had he known they were meeting? "Okay, sure. Do you mean me or everyone?"

"Everyone."

Elizabeth nodded, turned, and led the way back into the room. "Everybody? John wants to speak to us for a minute." The group in the room looked as surprised as she felt as they sat back down, glancing at one another almost guiltily.

Sheppard stood beside the table, shifting from one foot to the other and staring down at his hands. "I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I wondered if you're still planning to send me back to Earth? I have something I need to do if you're not."

Elizabeth smiled. "Well, as it turns out, we were just discussing that. Kate is satisfied that you're making good progress. If you continue as you are, she says there's no reason you can't stay. Looks like you're stuck with us a while longer."

Sheppard let out an audible sigh, meeting their gazes one by one. "Thank you. I owe you guys big time for pulling me out of this one."

McKay shook his head. "You weren't listening last week, were you? You don't owe us, it's the other way around."

Elizabeth motioned an empty chair. "Why don't you sit down and tell us what you want to do."

Sheppard realized he'd been fidgeting again. He pulled the chair out a little too fast, sat down, and took a deep breath. "When Kolya took me . . ." Another sigh as he worked out how to proceed. "Well, by the third day of my 'punishment,' as Kolya called it, I was pretty far gone. I don't remember much of that day except wishing someone would just shoot me, but I do remember the last person who came up to me. It was this old lady." Sheppard absently rubbed his index finger back and forth on the table as he spoke, carefully watching its progress. "I waited on her to hurt me or curse me, but she didn't." His hand wandered up to the side of his face and his voice softened, and all the nervous energy was suddenly gone. "She just touched me. Said I'd been punished enough and that she forgave me. And then she asked me to honor her grandson." He looked up at Elizabeth. "I keep thinking about her, and about her grandson, and something occurred to me."

"What?"

"Kolya is crazy, we know that. But most of the people that were killed were just soldiers following orders. As far as they were concerned, they were protecting their home. They weren't necessarily bad people just because they had a bad leader."

"Colonel, what are you saying," asked Kate.

"Okay, first of all, I don't want you to worry about me. I've come to terms with what I did and I know that if I hadn't acted the way I had, Atlantis would probably be in the hands of the Genii right now. I did what I had to do to protect this city and I'd do it again. But those men died serving their people, and they deserve respect. So I want to go back to the Genii home world and construct a memorial for them. I want those people to know that I respect the sacrifice their families made."

Elizabeth just put her head in her hands.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews that make me happy dance! Thanks to Kathy for adding so much to this chapter. I couldn't have done it without you kiddo! Thanks to Rachel for letting me work her to death playing editor/beta and cutting out all my extreme wordiness. Give up, I'm hopeless.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 14

"Tell me you didn't say what I think you just said," said Elizabeth.

"You _want_ to go back to the Genii?" said Rodney. "Are you nuts? He's nuts. I retract everything I just said about him making progress."

Sheppard continued without hesitation. "I'm not nuts. I've been thinking a lot about this and it's something I need to do. Look . . . I know I said that I've come to terms with what I did, and I have. But that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. Those people are suffering because of my actions. I just need . . . I need to show them that I respect their sacrifice."

"But it wasn't your fault, Sheppard. It could have easily been any member of your team in a position to raise the shield that day. I wasn't here, but I'm sure I would have done the same thing," Ronon told him.

"Yeah, it could have been someone else who raised the shield. But the fact remains that it was me. No one else. Me. I hit the button and sent those men to their deaths, and I—"

"You did not send those men to their deaths," said Teyla. "Their leader did. However, I do understand that you carry that burden, for all of us in Atlantis."

Elizabeth sighed. "Let's just say for argument's sake that I approved this and that we could work out a deal with Cowen for this to happen safely. What exactly are you proposing?"

Sheppard smiled. "When I was in high school, I worked summers for this guy who built gazebos. We built one as a kind of memorial at a school to honor a bunch of kids who were killed in a bus wreck the previous year. The bottom was made of stone and each student's name was etched into one of the stones. I want to do something like that. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure I remember enough that I can get some of the people here to help me come up with a blueprint."

"I believe that I know of a planet with stones that would be suitable to build with, but what is a gazebo?" asked Teyla.

Sheppard grinned. "Thanks, Teyla. I'll draw you a picture in a minute."

"Now just back it up a sec, you want to build a _gazebo?_ For the Genii? Sheppard, you have to be out of your mind! A _gazebo?_ Like this is _so_ not going to happen!"

"It's a metaphor, Rodney. The important part is the stone, the names. The gazebo is just the place where people will come to look at the names and remember their men . . ."

"Oh thank you Colonel Sheppard, yes, I was having trouble understanding precisely what a gazebo was and how this monument thing worked, but . . . oh good! _Now_ I understand . . . _that you're completely out of your mind!_ Wake up and smell the coffee! You want to go back there; they're our sworn enemies, and _you_ want to go back there? Tell me, do we include a nice big barbecue, maybe a Jacuzzi? Just let me know, I'll get right on those plans too!"

The room was silent. Rodney, in his inimitable fashion, had just voiced what everyone was secretly thinking.

"Look. I know what this looks like—" Sheppard began.

"Looks like? You have no—"

"Hey! I listened to you, now do me the same courtesy, McKay!" John roared, rising to his feet for the first time.

McKay didn't reply, but the scowl he directed at Sheppard, well . . . if looks could kill.

Sheppard started to pace, the calm demeanor that he had arrived with crumbling by the minute. "Look, I do know what this looks like, and _no,_ I'm not suggesting a barbecue and a Jacuzzi! It doesn't matter how weird this sounds, the gazebo is the thing that brings the people. It becomes a central point for people to come and sit a while and reflect, to think. God, what I'd give for a Gazebo _here_ some days, out on one of the piers."

"What is a jack oozi?" Ronon asked

"And now the peanut gallery," Rodney added.

"Rodney , so help me, one more snipe and I'll . . ." Sheppard growled.

Elizabeth took over before Sheppard said something he might regret. "If you take one more snipe at anyone in this room, Rodney, I'll see to it that you take a self defense course with Ronon and then we'll see what a peanut gallery looks like!"

Rodney's face paled a little, but not enough to put him off his stride.

"Oh c'mon Elizabeth, you've got to admit, this is so far from possible it's not even funny. You can't really believe that . . . oh my God! You're thinking about this, aren't you? I don't believe this! Am I the only one that sees this as suicide? Oh, and I'm sure we'll lose a couple of Genii too—they'll probably laugh themselves to death."

In the tense silence, Elizabeth considered the request. Part of her thought it was crazy, and yet John seemed so adamant about it that she hated not to try. If Cowen let them build the thing, it could help realign their shaky truce. Atlantis and the Genii would never be allies, but it made sense to try not to have them as enemies. She turned to Sheppard.

"What if this is approved? Can you really go back there after what they did to you?"

Sheppard looked back down at the table. "I have to. I think I need this, Elizabeth."

"What about Kolya?" asked Ronon.

Sheppard flinched at the mention of his name. "I'll need to go unarmed. Maybe then I won't be so tempted to kill him."

oOo

Sheppard stepped into the door of Elizabeth's office and leaned against the door frame. "Hey."

Elizabeth looked up from the papers littering her desk and smiled. "Hey, yourself. Are you in uniform?"

Sheppard grinned. "Yes I am. Beckett and Heightmeyer just released me to light duty around Atlantis. I thought I'd get all dressed up to do paperwork, make out schedules, check up on my guys."

Elizabeth raised one eyebrow. "You mean to do all the things you've been doing the past few days anyway."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I've been resting and recuperating, just like Beckett told me to."

"Yeah, right." Elizabeth watched him for a few seconds. "You're looking better, John."

Sheppard nodded. "Thanks. I'm feeling better."

"I'm glad you came by. I was going to call you in a few minutes anyway. You might want to come in and sit down."

Sheppard's expression sobered as he entered the room and took the seat across from Elizabeth. "You heard from Cowen?"

She nodded. "Yes, just a while ago. He has tentatively agreed, but he wants to meet with you and see exactly what you're proposing. If he likes it, then you'll pick out the place and make the arrangements."

Sheppard swallowed hard. "Are you going to let me do this?"

Elizabeth sighed. "I'm still not sure this is a good idea. I can send people with you, but there's no way I can guarantee your safety on the Genii home world. I wish you'd reconsider."

"I told you, this is something I need to do. It's my . . ."

". . . Penitence?"

"I guess, in a way it is. Please, Elizabeth."

She paused, frowning. "All right. You're to meet with Cowen at noon tomorrow. Take Ronon and Teyla with you."

Sheppard's smile reappeared. "Thanks, Elizabeth. Who knows, maybe this will get the Genii off our backs for a while."

"Yeah, maybe. You just be sure you come back in one piece."

Sheppard turned on his best lopsided grin. "Promise."

Elizabeth sighed. "Where have I heard _that_ before?"

oOo

As soon as Sheppard stepped through the gate, he began to sweat. His heart was racing and his stomach was in a knot, but he pushed the fear back down, telling himself he could do this. He had to do this.

"Colonel?"

He looked into Teyla's concerned face. "I'm okay." He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.

Ronon stepped up beside him. "Just remember, Sheppard. We're with you this time."

Sheppard nodded as he moved forward to meet Cowen, who was waiting for him with his own armed guards.

"Colonel Sheppard. I have to admit, I was surprised when Dr. Weir contacted me about your desire to make a monument for our fallen comrades, especially after . . . recent events."

"As I told Dr. Weir, I may not agree with your invasion of Atlantis or Commander Kolya's tactics, but I do understand that the men who died in that attack were, at least in their own mind, protecting their people. And I think that's honorable on any world. I just wanted to show the families that I respect the sacrifices made that day."

"Then let's head back to the settlement, and you can show me what you have planned."

They walked in silence most of the way, the guards for each side keeping careful watch over their counterparts. They had almost reached the settlement when Sheppard stopped beside a small lake.

Cowen turned back when he realized that Sheppard had stopped walking and came up beside him. "It is beautiful here, is it not?"

"Yes, it is. Do your people come out here often?"

Cowen nodded. "Oh yes. Many come here to relax or share a meal with family and friends. It is a common gathering area. Why?"

Sheppard nodded. "Families having picnics. This might be just the place for the gazebo."

"Picnics? Is this a custom of your people?" asked Cowen.

"Oh I don't know. I think it's more of a people everywhere custom, something that many families do. We all have families, don't we Cowen?" Sheppard never took his eyes from the lake as he spoke.

Once again, Cowen was silent. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something about this man that disturbed him. He felt very uncomfortable having to entertain his presence in this way. Normally he would have enjoyed the feeling of power, of intimidation in having Colonel Sheppard, the murderer of Genii, in such a minority on home soil. But try as he might, he just didn't feel it and that bothered him.

"I will consider it when we have discussed your plans. Come, let's continue."

Ten minutes later they entered the town square. Ronon looked across the open area in front of the buildings to see two poles, shackles suspended from the tops. He immediately realized that this was where Sheppard had been bound and subjected to the retribution Kolya had promised. He exchanged a quick glance with Teyla and they both looked back at Sheppard. He had stopped dead in his tracks, all the color drained from his face, staring at the hanging bonds.

Sheppard flashed on images of himself hanging bloodied, bruised, and filthy, suspended from the poles by chains. He actually felt the pain across his back and through his shoulder—the whip, the knives, his shoulder wrenching out of place as he dropped—and it made him shudder. Genii faces and voices began to crowd in and he clenched his fists, willing them to go away.

"John, can you continue?"

He was drawn back to the present by Teyla's voice and he noticed she had moved to stand beside him. Looking down, he realized that he was rubbing his wrists, and he forced himself stop. He took a deep breath and turned to her. "Yeah, let's go." He bowed his head and forced himself forward, focusing in on the reason for the visit. _Get a grip, Sheppard. You can do this._

They followed Cowen into a small building and were led to a table. Once everyone had a seat, Sheppard placed a drawing of the gazebo on the table and explained what it was and how the names would be etched into the rock. He explained that they had a place to get the stone, but that he hadn't worked out where to get the wood yet.

Cowen had begun to relax and take an interest in the plan. "We will be able to provide the boards you need. We have an ample supply of wood for building materials. Will you be requiring workers for this project?"

Sheppard shook his head. "No, I'll be constructing it. It's . . . it's my offering to the families of the soldiers that were killed."

Cowen looked at him curiously. "Kolya has already obtained retribution for the Genii. I have had a full report from many of the men and families involved. I was assured that you paid dearly for their deaths." Cowen watched Sheppard absently rub the scar down the side of his face, remembering his earlier reaction to the site of his punishment. He felt confident that the reports had been correct.

"That was forced," Sheppard said quietly. "This is not."

Cowen was speechless. Never had he seen this type of action. His life had been one of doing whatever he perceived was best for his family or the Genii people, regardless of the cost to others. He had never looked back or entertained regrets. The Genii had for many generations focused on their wants and needs to the point of total disregard for the well being of others. Colonel Sheppard was a stark contradiction to everything Cowen understood.

"Very well," said Cowen. "We have an agreement. Your safety, as well as the safety of those that assist you, is guaranteed by me. Now we can discuss when the construction is to begin."

"I have one request to make," said Sheppard. He brought his gaze up to meet Cowen's. "I would like to add two names to the memorial, the names of the two men Commander Kolya killed. They were good soldiers defending their home and they also left loved ones behind. I would like to include their names on the memorial."

Cowen considered Sheppard's request. This morning he would never have entertained it, but Sheppard had left him unsteady and unsure. "I'll have to give some thought to your request and get back to you." When Sheppard's eyes bored into his, he had to remind himself that he was the one on home soil.

But Sheppard only said, "Thank you."

When they had finished working out the details of the project, Sheppard and his team stood and prepared to return to Atlantis.

"Thank you for the opportunity to do this. I know it can never make up for the lives that were lost, but I hope it will show your people that we . . . that I did not intend it to be an attack on the Genii. I was only doing what I thought I had to do to defend my home and my people. I am truly sorry for the loss of lives that day." Sheppard's voice tightened. "If I could bring them back to their families, I would. But I can't. This is all I know to do to say . . . I'm sorry."

Cowen stood with his mouth slightly ajar, once again stunned at the emotion and guilt in the face and voice of the "murderer" Kolya had reported on. He had easily accepted Kolya's report of the events in Atlantis because of his prior dealings with Sheppard, but he was beginning to question the opinions he had formed. He restored his train of thought before the pause became too long.

"I am sure this gesture will go a long way toward easing the tensions between our people. I'll walk with you to the edge of the village and then my men will make sure you reach the gate safely. I look forward to seeing the work progress on the . . . what is it you called it . . . gazebo?"

Sheppard nodded. "That's right, gazebo." He turned to his team. "Let's go home."

They walked to the door, Sheppard in the lead. As he reached the doorway, a man blocked their way, and Sheppard found himself staring into Kolya's smiling face.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 15

Sheppard resisted the urge to gasp for air, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. He clenched his fists and swallowed hard against the fear and panic rising in his chest, tightening in to the point he could scarcely breathe. It took every ounce of resolve he could muster to stand firm and look Kolya in the eye.

Kolya continued to smile. "Colonel? I'm surprised to see you . . . alive. You must have very skilled doctors in Atlantis."

Sheppard concentrated on keeping his voice steady. "As a matter of fact, we do, Commander. Sorry to disappoint you."

"It is a problem easily solved," retorted Kolya, his hand moving slowly to his sidearm.

Sheppard made a similar movement before realizing that he had left his weapons in Atlantis. This was to be a peaceful mission and he had wanted to show at least some degree of trust.

"Commander Kolya!" barked Cowen. "The Colonel is here to make arrangements for a memorial in honor of our fallen soldiers. I gave him my word that he would be safe while he was here. I expect you to honor that promise."

Kolya frowned. "But sir, he killed many of our –"

"I know what he did. And he paid for his actions at your hands. That matter is over. You will let them pass."

Kolya sneered, drawing his face close to Sheppard's. "This is not over, Sheppard."

Sheppard returned Kolya's glare. "My sentiments exactly."

Kolya stepped out of the way and Sheppard moved past him. His stomach felt as though it had moved up into his throat and was choking him. He desperately hoped he could keep it together long enough to get away from Kolya. He had only gone a few steps when Kolya began to taunt him.

"How's the back, Sheppard? Do your women find all those scars attractive? Have you told them how you got them? I'd be interested to see if I can still read Tannus's name."

Sheppard grit his teeth and began to walk faster, trying to get away from the sound of Kolya's voice. Teyla and Ronon hurried to catch up. He was so intent on getting away from Kolya that he almost fell down a set of stone stairs leading to a doorway. When he glanced sideways to get a look at the building, he realized it was the prison where he had been kept.

He suddenly weaved sideways to put some distance between him and the site of his captivity. He bumped roughly into Ronon and stumbled, losing his balance. Ronon reached out and grabbed Sheppard by the upper arms and roughly pulled him back to his feet.

Sheppard twisted out of Ronon's grip, falling backwards with a thump. As soon as he hit the ground, he scrambled back several feet, stirring up a cloud of dust and leaving a shocked Ronon standing with his mouth open.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled, panic etching the pitch of his voice upward. He leaned forward and stared at his hand, rubbing some loose dirt between his finger and thumb. "Just leave me alone. Don't touch me."

Teyla slowly approached him and kneeled beside him. "Colonel, it's just us. We just want to help you. Let's go home, now . . . where we'll be safe."

Sheppard frowned, but his vision seemed to clear.He brought his gaze up to meet Teyla's and then shifted it to Ronon, as if trying to decide what to do.

"I'm sorry, Sheppard. I didn't mean to startle you," said Ronon. He didn't move closer, however, afraid he'd spook Sheppard further.

Sheppard nodded. "I know. Sorry." He slowly got to his feet. "Let's go."

"What's wrong, Sheppard? You want to show your friends your accommodations from last time? I'd be happy to give them the tour, for old time's sake." Kolya continued to taunt and laugh.

Sheppard began to walk faster toward the edge of town, his head bowed as he stared at the ground.

"Colonel!" Teyla called, attempting to warn him.

With his head down, he wasn't aware he was about to run into one of the poles. He looked up at the sound of her voice and barely missed crashing into the wooden beam. He dodged between the poles and under the shackles. Looking at the metal restraints, he threw his hands up and ducked, throwing his balance off and sending him crashing to the ground yet again. This time he hit the dirt on his side, jarring his right shoulder. He grunted in pain as he rolled over and got quickly back to his feet.

Teyla could hear Kolya laughing as she and Ronon tried to catch up with Sheppard, who was now running for the edge of the settlement.

"Run, Sheppard. Just keep running!" yelled Kolya.

Cowen turned and looked at Kolya. "Are you finished now?"

Kolya smiled. "He is weak. The next time I see him, I'll kill him."

"What you do off world is between you and him. But you will not harm Colonel Sheppard when he returns to build the memorial. I told you, I have given him my word and I have no reason to go back on it."

"What is this memorial nonsense, anyway? What kind of a soldier honors the very people he killed? That makes no sense."

Cowen shrugged. "I believe he feels compassion for the families that were left behind."

Kolya snorted. "Compassion. A soldier has no use for compassion. This is just another sign of his weakness."

Cowen looked across the square. "Are you so sure he is weak? Could you have returned to the place where you were treated as he was?"

Kolya grinned once again. "I could return to kill my tormentor. Maybe he is very clever and that is his real intention."

Cowen thought about the man he had spent the afternoon with, the man who had just run from the village in obvious torment. "Somehow, I don't think that's why he's here. I think he is simply very different than we are." He looked back to Kolya. "Perhaps there is a lesson for us in this." Cowen turned and went back into the building, leaving Kolya standing alone.

Kolya nodded. "The lesson is that I should never have let him return to Atlantis alive. I won't make that mistake again."

oOo

As soon as Sheppard was out of the village, he staggered into the tall grass beside the path and vomited until long past the time when his stomach was empty. By the time the heaving had stopped, Teyla was next to him, offering her support. She attempted to put her arm around him to steady him, but he pulled away.

"Don't touch me. Please. Just . . . don't touch me."

He stood in the tall grass, holding his right shoulder. His face was pale and he was shaking as he gasped for breath.

"Colonel, we need to get you back to Atlantis." She wanted to reach out to him, but knew from his previous reaction that he wouldn't allow her to. Her frustration rose, along with her anger at Kolya.

Sheppard concentrated on Teyla's voice as he tried to get the sounds of Kolya's laugh out of his head. "Back to Atlantis . . . We have to get back to Atlantis." Sheppard turned and began walking toward the gate.

Teyla looked at Ronon, noticing that he looked as worried as she felt. They fell in step behind Sheppard, watching his unsteady steps. After a few minutes, he began to walk faster. They picked up the pace in order to keep up with Sheppard, but found that he kept increasing his speed until finally, he was running. He reached the gate several seconds ahead of them and they could see him frantically dialing the gate as they reached the DHD. The gate did not engage.

When the gate didn't activate, Sheppard felt panic rise up and threaten to completely overwhelm him. 'It's not working. Why isn't it working? We have to get back to Atlantis _now_. What's wrong with it?"

Ronon looked down at the DHD. "It's okay, Sheppard. You just dialed wrong. I'll dial Atlantis and we can go home." Ronon began dialing Atlantis.

Sheppard's legs gave way and he dropped to his knees. He was shaking and panting, his arms wrapped around his midsection. He kept looking down the path to see if Kolya had followed them.

When the wormhole was activated, Teyla turned to Sheppard. "Colonel, we can go home now. Can you get up?"

Sheppard's gaze was vacant, but he finally looked at her and seemed to focus. "I'm okay." He got unsteadily to his feet and walked toward the gate, Ronon and Teyla behind him.

oOo

McKay spotted Elizabeth and Carson standing beside the rail of the balcony overlooking the gate almost as soon as he entered the control room. He tried to look nonchalant as he made his way over to them.

"Hello, Rodney," said Carson.

"Rodney, do you need something?" asked Elizabeth.

McKay looked down at the gateroom and then back at Elizabeth. "Oh, I was just passing by and thought I'd see how things are going."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, just saying hello." He nervously rubbed his hands together. "So, what are you two up to?"

Carson and Elizabeth looked at each other and smiled and then turned back to Rodney. "They aren't back yet, but we expect them soon," said Elizabeth.

Rodney's eyes widened. "Who? No. That's not why I'm here. I'm just . . . Okay, whatever."

They all turned at the sound of the gate being activated.

"It's Ronon's IDC," reported the tech.

Elizabeth nodded. "Okay, let them through."

They watched as Sheppard stumbled through the gate, swaying as he attempted to stay on his feet. Ronon and Teyla came through right behind him. Elizabeth inhaled sharply when she saw how pale he was. His uniform was covered with sweat and dirt, his eyes unfocused as he stood there looking confused. Beckett was already halfway down the stairs by the time Elizabeth realized he had left.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Rodney whispered.

As Carson reached Sheppard, he started to take his arm when Teyla stopped him.

"Dr. Beckett, Colonel Sheppard does not wish to be touched right now."

Beckett let his hand drop. "Colonel, I need you in the infirmary for a post mission check. Can you make it?"

Sheppard stood swaying and breathing hard, his eyes wandering around the gateroom, causing Beckett to wonder if the man had heard anything he said. Finally Sheppard shifted his eyes to meet Beckett's.

"I can make it." He turned and shuffled down the hall, his team and Beckett following closely behind.

Elizabeth watched as they left the room. Beckett turned long enough to make eye contact and nod, letting her know he would contact her. She returned the nod. Leaning forward, her hands against the railing, she bowed her head and sighed. All she could think of was why had she let him go.

oOo

Once in the infirmary, Beckett got Sheppard to sit on an exam table.

"Colonel, I need to take your pulse and blood pressure and do a general exam. To do that, I'm goin' to have to touch you, okay? I'm not goin' to hurt you."

Sheppard took a deep breath. "I know, Doc. It's okay. I just . . . while we were on the planet I was . . . It's okay, Doc. I trust you."

Beckett smiled. "I'll make it as quick as possible." He took Sheppard's wrist to take his pulse and was surprised to feel the man shaking.

"Colonel, are you cold?"

Sheppard looked at his feet. "No, I just . . . can't stop shaking."

Beckett looked at Sheppard sadly. "Don't worry, son. Let me look you over and then I can get you something." He looked over at Teyla and Ronon, standing nearby. "Anything I should know?"

"Yes," said Teyla. "He fell a few times. I believe he may have injured his right shoulder."

Beckett looked at Sheppard. "Colonel?"

"It's just bruised."

"Well, lad, why don't you let me be the judge of that. Let's get your shirt off and have a look." He helped Sheppard pull his T-shirt off, noting how he groaned at moving his arm. "Well," he said when he had finished his exam, "I think you're right. I think it's just badly bruised, but you need to limit it's use for a few days. It's barely healed from being dislocated and I don't want to chance further damage." He noticed Sheppard staring at him. "What?"

"I was just thinking about something Kolya said. We really do have good doctors on Atlantis. I don't often take the time to tell you."

Beckett's eyes widened. "Kolya was there?" He looked at Teyla and Ronon to find both nodding. No wonder Sheppard couldn't stop shaking.

oOo

Elizabeth and Rodney entered the infirmary together to find Beckett waiting for them just inside the door. He motioned for them to follow him to his office. As they went through Beckett's office door, they saw Sheppard. He was lying curled up on his side in one of the beds, Teyla at his side stroking his arm and speaking softly to him. Ronon stood behind her, almost as if he was standing guard.

Elizabeth felt the knot in her stomach tighten as she and Rodney took a seat in Beckett's office. "What happened?"

"According to Teyla, the meeting with Cowen went well. Kolya showed up as they were leavin', though, and exchanged words with the Colonel. They also saw where the Colonel was held captive and where he was tortured. The combination has . . . set him back a bit."

McKay's eyes widened. "They saw Kolya? That can't be good."

Beckett shook his head. "No, accordin' to what Teyla and Ronon said, it wasn't. Colonel Sheppard was quite agitated and he couldn't seem to stop shakin', so I gave him something to help him relax. Teyla said he was sick after they left the settlement and seemed a bit disoriented. I think he should stay here tonight so we can keep an eye on him."

"How much of a setback are we talking about?" asked Elizabeth.

Beckett shook his head. "I don't know. We'll have to watch him closely for a few days to see."

"Can we see him?" asked Rodney.

"No. Not right now. Teyla almost had him asleep and I don't want to take a chance of wakin' him. He needs to rest."

"Okay, we'll come back in the morning then." Elizabeth stood up to leave and then turned back. "Would you ask Teyla and Ronon to come see me when they leave? I need a report of what happened."

"Hey, how come they get to see him and we don't?" whined Rodney.

"Because they were with him on the mission and then here in the infirmary. I told you that the Colonel was quite agitated and Teyla seemed to be comforting him."

"Oh." Rodney looked up at Carson. "He'll be okay, won't he?"

Carson smiled. "Yes, we'll make sure that he is."

oOo

Nick sat down in the chair beside Kelly's desk and propped his feet up. Kelly looked up from the file she was working on and slapped his feet.

"Get your feet off the desk, Mister."

Nick shook his head. "I keep telling you, it's _Doctor_, not Mister. You never listen."

"Oh, I listen," she said playfully. "Don't you have something constructive to do?"

"I'm being constructive. I'm entertaining you."

Kelly snorted. "Oh, is that what you call it? I was thinking more along the lines of annoying."

"Fine. Since I'm not appreciated, I'll just go check on the Colonel."

Kelly looked up at him. "You just checked on him ten minutes ago."

Nick's expression sobered as he stood up. "I know, but he was getting restless. I do need to check on him again."

Nick heard Sheppard thrashing and mumbling before he reached his bed. As he walked closer, Sheppard sat straight up and yelled.

"Kelly," called Nick as he hurried over to Sheppard's side. "Colonel, it's okay. Just a nightmare, buddy. You're safe in Atlantis."

"Kolya's here," whispered Sheppard.

"No, he's not here. We're safe, I promise."

He started to reach out to Sheppard when the Colonel scrambled out of the other side of the bed. Sheppard quickly crawled to the wall and slid behind the head of the bed. Nick came around the bed and kneeled so he could see Sheppard.

"Colonel, please come out of there. I'm trying to help you."

"Go away. I just need to stay here for a while. I need to be by myself." Sheppard was curled up in the corner between the wall and the cabinet beside the bed.

"Nick?"

Nick turned to see Kelly looking at him, her eyes wide. "You better get Carson. Tell him we have a problem."

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

You guys are really spoiling me with all the nice reviews, but I'm loving every minute of it. I think this may be better than chocolate.

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 16

Nick sat on the floor watching Sheppard, who was crowded into the corner and hugging his knees to his chest.

"Colonel, are you sure you don't want to come out? The floor's awfully cold."

"This isn't cold. Stay in the cell that Kolya kept me in for a few hours and then you can talk to me about cold. I'll have to admit, though, they had a good system—freeze you at night and bake you during the day."

Kelly knelt beside Nick. "Carson is on his way. Do you think you can get him to come out?"

Nick shook his head. "I doubt it. He's pretty determined to stay where he is. Get me a blanket."

Kelly nodded and left, returning a few seconds later with the blanket.

"Colonel?" Nick waited until Sheppard looked at him. "How about a blanket?"

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. "This wouldn't be a trick, would it?"

Nick shook his head. "No, I just thought you might be more comfortable with a blanket since it looks like we'll be here for a while. I could slide it over to you."

In spite of what he'd said, Sheppard was getting chilled. "I could use a blanket."

Nick slid the blanket across the floor, getting it close enough for Sheppard to lean forward and grab it. "Thanks."

"You mind if I stay here with you?"

"Suit yourself."

Carson knelt beside Nick and ducked down, looking under the bed at Sheppard. "Son, what are you doin' over there? We have beds, you know."

Sheppard let out a strangled laugh. "Sorry, Doc. Look, I know you don't understand. I just need to stay here for a while. It feels . . . safe. Like Kolya can't find me here. Just please leave me alone."

Nick looked at Carson. "I'll stay here with him. He should be okay."

Carson thought about it. The only way to get Sheppard out of the corner was to forcibly haul him out, which would probably necessitate sedating him. Somehow he didn't think that would help Sheppard's frame of mind or recovery. He wasn't really hurting anything by sitting on the floor. "All right. I'll be here if you need me." Carson got up and walked away, wondering if he should wake Elizabeth or just fill her in in the morning.

Nick and Sheppard sat in silence for several minutes. Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall, staring at the space in front of him. "I ran," he whispered.

"What?" Nick scooted forward a few inches, straining to hear.

"I ran . . . I ran from Kolya. I've never run from anyone in my life, but I ran from him."

"Well, what he did to you was pretty horrible."

"I don't think it's so much what he did as that he got me to give up. I was ready to die. I wanted to die." Sheppard turned his head slightly so he could look at Nick. "Kolya made me want to die, and I never thought anyone would have that kind of power over me. That's what scares me."

Nick swallowed, carefully choosing the next question. "Do you want to die now?"

Sheppard looked at him for several seconds before answering. "No. Mostly I just want to kill Kolya. I'll tell you one thing, though. I'll never run from him again. Never." Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall again and shivered, pulling the blanket tighter to his chest.

oOo

Carson walked up to Nick. "Coffee?"

Nick looked up to see Carson standing there with two steaming cups. "Mmmm. Smells good." He got to his feet, stretching and moaning. "Man, am I stiff." He finally took a cup from Carson and sipped carefully.

"What happened?"

"Not much. Sometimes we talked. Sometimes we just sat."

"Did he get any sleep?"

"No. No sleeping. He was afraid to sleep."

Carson sighed. "We're back to that again."

They turned at the sound of something clanging against the bed to see Sheppard crawling out from behind it. He used the frame to help pull himself to his feet. But when he tried to take a step, his legs gave way. Carson and Nick quickly set their coffee down and each grabbed an arm.

"Colonel, are you all right, son?" asked Carson as they helped Sheppard to the bed.

"I think my legs are asleep." Sheppard looked at the two doctors and then turned his gaze to the floor. "I guess I look pretty crazy about now."

"No," said Carson. "But you'll have to admit that spendin' the night on the floor isn't exactly normal, healthy behavior. I hope you're goin' to let us help you."

"I can't explain what happened. I just felt like Kolya was here and that was the only safe place. I know that doesn't make any sense. The bad thing is, I knew it didn't make any sense last night, but I couldn't get past it."

"Well, right now you need to get some sleep," said Carson.

"I don't guess there's any point in asking if I could rest in my quarters, is there?"

"No, son, I'm afraid not. You need to stay here. I want to make sure you sleep."

Sheppard sighed, his expression downcast. "Can I get a shower?"

Nick smiled. "Now, that we can arrange. I'll get you some clean scrubs."

oOo

When Sheppard emerged from the bathroom, raking his hand through his damp hair, he found his team waiting for him by his bed.

"Hello, Colonel. You are looking well. Do you feel better?" asked Teyla.

Sheppard smiled at her. "Yeah, Teyla, I'm fine. I'm sorry about yesterday."

"There is no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. I am only sorry that we had to encounter Commander Kolya."

"Yeah," said Sheppard softly. "Me too."

"You can't tell me you didn't at least think it was a possibility," said McKay. "I tried to tell you that going back there was crazy, but oh no, no one ever listens to me."

"McKay," Sheppard groaned. "Shut up and go away. I'm tired."

McKay started to protest until he noticed the darkening shadows beneath Sheppard's eyes and the lines of exhaustion on his face. Sheppard looked beat, plain and simple. "Okay, fine. I'll go. But I'm not finished with this."

Sheppard sighed. "Never thought you were."

"Get some rest, Sheppard. We'll see you later," said Ronon.

"Thanks guys. I just need some sleep."

After the team left, Nick helped Sheppard get settled.

"Nick, thanks for staying with me and . . . and letting me do what I needed to do, no matter how crazy it seemed."

"No problem, Colonel. Everyone has a time when they need something that no one else understands. Do you think you can sleep now?"

Sheppard picked at the blanket. "I don't know. I still feel kind of jumpy."

"If you like, Carson has a special cocktail that should knock you out. Hopefully, once you're under, you'll stay there for a while."

Sheppard hesitated and then nodded. "Might as well try, I guess."

Nick returned a few minutes later with a syringe. "Okay, Colonel, just a little pinch and then you can get some rest." Sheppard barely flinched as Nick injected the drugs into his arm. When Nick dropped the empty into the Sharps container over the bed and sat down in the visitor's chair, Sheppard cocked one eyebrow at him.

"Doc?"

Nick just smiled. "I go off duty in a minute. Just thought I'd sit with you until you doze off, if that's okay."

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah, that's okay. Thanks, Nick."

oOo

Sheppard opened his eyes to the sound of whispering, He lifted his head off the pillow a bit to see Teyla sitting in the chair by the bed, softly taking to Marcy. He smiled as he let his head slip back to the pillow and drifted back to sleep.

The next time he awakened, he heard the clicking that could only be McKay working on his laptop. He lay listening to it for several minutes before it abruptly stopped. He hadn't even been aware he had opened his eyes until McKay's face suddenly appeared, hovering over him.

"Well, it's about time. I was beginning to think you'd sleep forever. Are you okay? Because this isn't normal. I'd better get Carson. Just stay awake and I'll be right back."

Sheppard smiled at the normalcy of McKay's babbling. He felt the tug of sleep and slipped back into its grip.

He opened his eyes to see Ronon, chair leaned back on two legs as he cleaned his knife. Sheppard watched him through heavy lidded eyes for several minutes before letting himself slip back under. He couldn't seem to rise above the exhaustion for more than a few minutes.

Voices, whispering again. He wanted to hear what they were saying, and yet at the same time, he didn't really care. Drifting in and out of sleep had been very pleasant and a part of him didn't want to give that up. It had been a peaceful sleep for once. His team had his back, keeping Kolya at bay. He felt safe and protected and he never wanted to leave.

"John? Are you awake?" He knew the voice. It was Elizabeth. He just didn't know if he had the energy to answer it.

"John?"

Sheppard blinked and opened his eyes. Elizabeth smiled down at him.

"Hey, you're awake."

Sheppard started to reply, but his mouth was dry. "Water?" he managed to ask.

Elizabeth poured some water into a cup and he pulled up on one elbow to drink. After a few sips, he plopped back down on the bed, drained. "How long have I been asleep?"

Elizabeth frowned, worrying him a little. "You've been through a lot and Carson said it really took a lot out of you."

"Elizabeth?"

"You've been asleep for two days."

Sheppard's eyes widened. "Two days?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"Dang," said Sheppard. "I guess I was tired."

oOo

"I'm fine, Doc. Come on, you said yourself how much better I was."

Beckett leaned back and crossed his arms. "Well, I'll admit the sleep did you a world of good. You're blood pressure and pulse are nearly back to normal and you certainly seem more relaxed."

"So I can go, right?"

Beckett had to admit, the man pleading to be released from the infirmary was the closest thing to the old Colonel Sheppard he'd seen in quite a while. He couldn't help but smile.

"Just remember that you have an appointment with Kate this afternoon and one with me first thing in the mornin'. If you miss either one, you'll be right back in here and there won't be any scrubs to be found, if you get my drift."

Sheppard saluted. "You got it, Doc."

"When do you go back to the Genii home world to start your memorial?"

"Not for two more days."

"All right, get plenty of rest between now and then and you can go. I'll get your clothes."

"Thanks, Doc."

Thirty minutes later, Sheppard entered the jumper bay. Teyla and Ronon were just coming out of the back of one of the jumpers.

"Hey guys, how was it?"

They looked surprised. "Colonel Sheppard? Dr. Beckett released you?" asked Teyla.

"Just a few minutes ago. I heard you guys just got back and I thought I'd see what you have."

Teyla smiled. "We have a good load of rock, if you wish to see it."

When Sheppard nodded, she led the way back into the jumper. Sheppard walked over to the pile of stone and picked one up. It was almost rectangular in shape. "These are perfect, Teyla. Thanks."

Teyla nodded. "I thought they would serve your needs. I am glad to hear that they will be acceptable."

"They're great. It looks like we're going to be ready."

oOo

"Are you sure about this?" asked Elizabeth.

"I've never been more sure. I know what I'm doing and I'm going to be okay. My team has seen to that." Sheppard smiled at her.

Elizabeth couldn't help but admit that Sheppard looked good and seemed confident. It was almost like he'd never been kidnapped and tortured. Almost.

"Okay, if you're sure. Is everyone else ready?"

Sheppard nodded. "Teyla and Ronon are waiting. Major Lorne and his men are on their way."

"Okay. And John? Be safe."

He nodded. "I'll be fine. We'll be fine." Sheppard bounded down the stairs two at a time. As he walked over to Teyla and Ronon, Nick walked into the gate room.

"Colonel, could I have a word?"

Sheppard walked over to Nick. "What can I do for you, Doc?"

Nick cleared his throat. "I'm coming."

Sheppard raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"I said I'm coming with you. Carson and I were saying how you should have a doctor on this mission and I volunteered."

Sheppard crossed his arms and leaned on one foot. "And why do I need a doctor?"

"You're doing construction, aren't you? People get hurt all the time doing construction. Very dangerous work."

Sheppard sighed loudly.

"You're not buying this, are you." Sheppard didn't even bother to nod at that. "Alright, look, I want to come for two reasons. One being that you had a bad reaction to being there the last time and I'd like to be there in case it happens again."

"Not going to be a problem this time. I let it catch me off guard before. I wasn't ready. I am now."

"Okay, second reason. Kolya will be there and bad things tend to happen to our people when he's around. And I'm not just worried about you on that one."

Sheppard paused for several seconds. "Welcome aboard, Nick. Get your gear, we leave in ten minutes."

Nick nodded. "I have it right here." He went to the edge of the gate room and met Carson Beckett carrying a backpack and another bag, which he handed to Nick.

Sheppard turned back to Teyla and Ronon. "You know, those doctors are a sneaky lot."

Ten minutes later, they were ready to embark. Sheppard was unarmed, but was accompanied by Teyla, Ronon, Lorne, and three other soldiers who were armed. Nick and his medical gear rounded out the group.

Sheppard turned to look up at Elizabeth on the balcony above. "We're ready. We'll radio back when we're ready for the jumper to deliver the supplies and equipment. Dial the gate."

Elizabeth nodded and turned to pass on the instructions to the tech on duty. A few seconds later, the event horizon appeared and the team went through. Sheppard was the last one to go. He smiled and waved just before turning and walking into the blue puddle, leaving Elizabeth to worry about what would happen on the other side.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 17

"Cowen, this is Dr. Nick Strauhan, and you know Teyla and Ronon." Sheppard stood beside Nick, with Teyla and Ronon behind them. Lorne and the other soldiers had automatically spread out upon approaching the lake, forming a perimeter around the work area.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Strauhan. And of course it's nice to see Teyla and Ronon again," said Cowen, nodding at the teammates. "I hope your bringing a doctor doesn't mean you're ill."

Sheppard shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Our doctors are just a little . . . paranoid, if you know what I mean. They tend to worry too much."

Nick snorted, earning a glare from Sheppard.

"Are you ready to start today as planned?" asked Cowen.

"Yeah, I'm ready. I'll need to do some prep work on the site and then I'll have a jumper bring the rest of the materials."

Cowen walked toward the lake and held his hand out for Sheppard to follow. "I hope you don't mind, but we did some leveling of the land for you. We thought that might speed the process up."

Sheppard stood looking at the freshly turned and leveled ground. "This is great! I think you just saved me most of a day's work."

"It was easy enough and we had the time."

"Well, thanks. This means I can start actually laying rock soon. I do have one question. What did you decide about the names of our two men?"

"I have decided that you can include your two men. Since they also died defending their people, it seems fitting that they should be included in the memorial. I would only ask that you separate them from the names of the Genii."

"Of course. I have a plan that does just that."

Cowen nodded. "Good. Then you may include them. Also, I thought you might want to know that I sent Kolya on a mission off world for several days."

"I appreciate that. I don't want this to erupt into violence, but I'm afraid it might with him around." Sheppard flashed a wry grin. "I don't think he likes me very much."

Cowen eyed him seriously. "No, I don't suppose he does. I must return to the settlement. Let my people know if you need anything, and they will contact me."

Sheppard nodded. "We should be fine." As Cowen left, Sheppard turned to survey the open field. His men were spread out around the area, already keeping watch. Several Genii soldiers were also scattered about the area keeping watch.

Sheppard looked from the Genii soldiers to his own men. "I hope no one gets trigger happy," he whispered.

oOo

By mid afternoon, Sheppard had much of the foundation laid. He stood and stretched his aching muscles, which were steadily reminding him of how long it had been since he'd done this much physical labor. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, pushing his hair back off his face. Even his shirt was wet through and it clung to him, hindering his movements and making his scars itch.

A quick look around the area told him that people were milling about, occasionally talking to the Genii soldiers or to each other. The morning had been somewhat tense with two sets of armed guards, but the afternoon heat seemed to have evaporated much of that negative energy. For that, he was thankful. A few Genii townspeople were also wandering about, curious about what was being constructed on their home soil by the enemy.

Sheppard finally decided that his discomfort overshadowed his embarrassment at exposing his heavily scarred back. There weren't that many people out and most of them were several yards away, and he wasn't so much concerned with the Genii. It was his own people; he didn't want the scars to be a source of pity. He found out long ago that he didn't deal well with pity. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed hold of the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it on the large pile of rocks. Then he went back to work.

Sheppard totally buried himself in the construction for the next several hours, so focused that he didn't even hear it when Ronon, Teyla, Nick, and Major Lorne come up behind him. He did, however, hear Lorne's expletive when he caught sight of Sheppard's back for the first time. Sheppard grit his teeth and decided to ignore it.

"Hey, guys," Sheppard turned around. "What's up?"

Teyla's and Ronon's concerned frowns told him that they had also just witnessed the results of his stay with the Genii. "Colonel, it is getting late. We were going to suggest that you stop for today and we return to Atlantis," said Teyla, her expression gradually relaxing.

Sheppard grabbed the towel from his belt and wiped his face. "Yeah, I guess I am pretty tired, and I know you guys have to be bored beyond belief."

Lorne nodded. "No offense sir, but this hasn't been the most exciting assignment. I'll let the Genii know we're leaving." Lorne jogged off to where three Genii soldiers stood talking.

Sheppard snagged his shirt from the rock pile, shook it out, and pulled it back over his head. "So, Nick, what have you done all day?"

"I talked to some of the Genii people. Many of them wanted to know what you were doing, so I explained. I got to talk to some of them about the medical care on this planet. They're definitely a bit behind us. We could help them if they'd let us."

"Been there, done that . . . or at least tried. Our offer of antibiotics didn't interest them nearly as much as stealing our C4 and puddle jumpers. I hope this helps mend some fences, but I don't ever see us becoming trading partners. Too much distrust on both sides."

They began walking toward the stargate, picking up Lorne and the other soldiers on the way, and arrived in Atlantis several minutes later. Sheppard looked up to see Elizabeth, Rodney, and Carson waiting on the control room balcony. As he made his way up the stairs, he began to realize how truly exhausted he was.

"How did it go?" asked Elizabeth. Sheppard was pleased to note that the tension he had seen when he'd left this morning had gone out of her shoulders and that her arms were by her sides instead of across her chest. She even had a little smile for him.

"Good. They had the groundwork already done when we got there and the lumber ready. We got everything unloaded from the jumper and I made some real progress on the base. We'll head back first thing in the morning."

"What about Kolya?" asked Rodney, apprehension lining his face.

"Cowen sent him off world for a few days. I don't think he'll be a problem."

Everyone seemed relieved at that bit of good news. "How do you feel?" asked Carson.

Sheppard smiled. "Good. I'm not sure when I've been this tired, but it's a good tired. I may not be able to move in the morning, though. I'd forgotten how hard physical labor can make you feel. It's almost therapeutic."

"Aye, it can be," agreed Carson.

"If you guys don't mind, I have a date with a hot shower and my bed," said Sheppard.

"Colonel, don't forget to eat," said Carson.

"Doc, that would mean walking all the way to the mess hall. I'm just not sure it's worth the effort."

Carson continued to stare at Sheppard. "Colonel."

Sheppard sighed. "Okay, I'll eat. I'll run by before I go to my quarters, because once I hit the shower, bed is next in line."

"Mind if I join you?" asked Rodney.

"No, unless you're going to lecture me again."

Rodney looked at Elizabeth and Carson before glancing back at Sheppard. "No, no lecture. I may owe you . . . that is to say that I've had a recent change in thought." Rodney's hands opened and closed as he waited for Sheppard's reply.

"Yeah, come on. You can prattle on about some scientific theory way over my head. It'll help me relax. Like a bedtime story or a warm glass of milk."

"I do _not_ prattle on. And that's quite insulting, you know."

Carson and Elizabeth smiled as the two friends continued their "conversation" on the way to the mess hall.

"Looks like things are getting back to normal," said Elizabeth.

oOo

The next morning found the work proceeding a little more slowly. Sheppard was feeling muscles that he had long ago forgotten he had. He kept pushing in an attempt to work out the stiffness and soreness, but it made for slow going. He shed his shirt long before noon as sweat ran down his body and plastered his hair to his head.

Straightening from his position hunched over the rising base of the monument, Sheppard turned and headed toward the rock pile. A sudden flash of movement was his only warning before he was hit in the head and then twice in the chest with large rocks, knocking him flat on his back. He was vaguely aware of yelling as he lay there, until he realized that Nick was hovering over him.

"Colonel, are you all right?"

Sheppard started to sit up. Nick tried to keep him down, but he twisted away and pushed himself into a sitting position. "I'm okay," he said, swatting Nick's hand as he struggled to his feet. He swayed dizzily, grabbing onto Nick's arm for support for a few seconds.

"Oh, yeah, you're fine. That's why you're dizzy and bleeding. You need to sit down."

Sheppard pushed Nick away and made his way to where his team, guns drawn, surrounded three of the teenage boys who had carved on him. Behind them, Genii soldiers stood with their guns trained on the Lanteans.

"Whoa, guys, let's not get excited and do something we'll regret," he said, approaching them with his hands held up in the air. "Stand down," he said to his men. They hesitated, glancing sideways at him. "Stand down. That's an order," he said more firmly.

Sheppard's team cautiously lowered their weapons, very aware of the Genii soldiers behind them. Once the Genii were satisfied, they lowered their weapons as well.

"These boys threw the rocks," stated Ronon.

Sheppard looked at the three boys, all sneering in open defiance. "Is that true?"

"Yes," said the tallest of the trio. "You have no right to come back here. You killed our fathers and now you insult them with your presence on our world. If Cowen will not drive you away, then we will."

Sheppard sighed as he studied them, remembering the pain they had inflicted. "Do you even know why I'm here . . . what I'm doing?" He absently rubbed at the pain in his chest where two of the rocks had struck him.

"We don't have to know why you're here. All that matters is that you leave."

"Can we talk a minute without you pelting me with rocks? I'd at least like a chance to explain and I'd like to keep you from getting shot."

The three boys exchanged glances before the taller one finally replied. "Fine. Talk."

"Good. How 'bout we go sit in the shade. I don't know about you guys, but I'm hot." Sheppard nodded at his men, dismissing them, before turning to walk over the shade tree.

Nick set a crate on the ground and pointed at it. "Sit."

Sheppard sat on the crate and the boys sat in the grass under the tree. He leaned over and opened a cooler, pulling out three sodas. "Cold drink?"

The boys hesitated, looking at the tall boy again. "What is it?"

"Soda, coke, pop. Different people call it different things. It's a common drink where I come from."

The older boy reached for one of the cans. "I'll try one." The other two looked relieved and took one as well.

Sheppard reached back into the cooler, fished around a minute, and pulled out a beer. As soon as he sat up, the can was jerked from his hand. "Nick!" Sheppard whirled around to look at the doctor.

"What is this doing in here?"

Sheppard smiled. "I happen to be off duty, since Carson never re-released me to active duty after I left the infirmary. I'm doing this on my own time. And I'm hot and thirsty."

"You also have a bleeding head wound and a possible concussion. No alcohol." Nick placed the beer back in the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water. "This is more like it. You need to stay hydrated."

Sheppard looked at the water blankly. "Water? You're giving me water?"

"Yes. Now be still so I can clean this. I think your going to need stitches."

Sheppard looked over to find one of the boys fighting a smile. "So, are Genii doctors this much of a pain?"

"Sometimes worse," said the boy. "What is beer?"

"That is also a common drink where I come from. It has a bit more kick to it. If you drink a lot, it can make you lose control, you know, act goofy."

All three boys nodded in unison. "We have a drink like that. Only the adults are allowed to drink it, but sometimes we sneak a little."

Sheppard laughed. "Sounds like some things are universal. It's pretty much the same where we come from. So, how do you like your coke?"

"This is not what I meant when I said we'd listen, Sheppard. Get on with it."

"Fair enough Listen, how bout I— OW! Doc, what are you doing?" Sheppard jerked his head away from Nick.

"Colonel, you're going to have to be still. I can't clean this properly if you're dodging me. Sit up and act like a man."

"Doc, I _know_ you did not just say that."

"Well if the shoe fits . . . So, are soldiers of the Genii this big of a baby when it comes to getting treated?"

"They are strange," said the youngest boy, who didn't seem to notice that the older one was glaring at him. "They complain a lot about the small things, like he is, but say little when they are seriously injured. It's very confusing."

Nick paused. "Huh. I guess some things _are_ universal. Colonel, I'm going to need to put a couple of stitches in this."

"Naturally. Let's get it over with."

"You really are going to have to be still this time."

"Okay. Be still. I've got it."

Nick sighed as he dug through the medical kit. "This would be easier and a lot more sterile in Atlantis."

"Field conditions, doc. You've been a field doctor before, you can handle it."

"Oh, _I_ can handle it just fine."

The tallest of the three finished his drink and set the can down. "Tell us why you are here."

Sheppard relaxed. He had their attention and they were willing to listen. Maybe he could make some progress. "I came to build a memorial to the soldiers that died in the invasion of Atlantis. It's going to be a structure we call a gazebo." He handed them the drawing. "The rock at the base will have the names of the soldiers who died."

Nick grunted. "You're being still, remember?" He took Sheppard by the hair and held him in place as he injected anesthetic around the wound edges. Sheppard hissed, his hand flying up to his head and hovering there in a tight fist until Nick was done.

The boys passed around the drawing. "How do you know the names?"

"Cowen sent them to us. I had someone in Atlantis etch the names into the rocks. See the pile of rocks stacked beside the lumber? Those are the rocks with the names. The other pile is rocks to fill in the rest of the base."

One of the boys walked over to the stack of rocks, picked one up, and brought it back. He stood looking at it a second before handing it to the other boys. "Why are you doing this?"

Sheppard sighed. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think the invasion of Atlantis was justified. But I realize that none of the soldiers who died that day took part in that decision. They were just following orders. Still, I'm not going to tell you that if we could go back in time, I'd do anything differently. I've thought a lot about it, and what I did was the only way to save my home and my people. But I don't blame your fathers and I do regret that they had to die. If Kolya had just taken what he originally said he came for and left instead of getting greedy and wanting all of Atlantis, none of those men would be dead. As far as I'm concerned, he bears as least as much responsibility as I do."

"Kolya tried to take Atlantis?" asked one of the boys, his brow furrowing. "That's not what we were told. We were told you refused to hand over what was rightfully ours and killed our people without mercy."

"Kolya killed two of my men the second he came through the gate. They thought they were helping people under attack, and instead they were shot point blank with no opportunity to surrender. Now I'll admit, we weren't happy about giving him what he wanted, but he could have made off with what he'd asked for without losing anyone. Instead, he decided he wanted Atlantis, and that's when people began losing their lives. He held my friends at gunpoint; I did what I had to do to protect my people and my city. You may not agree and I understand that, but at no time were the lives that were lost unimportant to me. That much I can promise you."

"Okay, I'm done," said Nick. He blotted a gauze pad against the fresh stitches over Sheppard's left eye and then covered it with a large band-aid. "Good as new."

"Thanks, doc."

Nick moved to stand in front of Sheppard. "Where else were you hit?"

"It's okay. Just some bruising."

Sheppard's tone and expression told Nick that Sheppard wanted the issue dropped. After eyeing him for a few moments, Nick decided that would probably be fine.

"Okay, but that doesn't get you out of a Beckett exam when we get back to Atlantis."

"You're cruel, doc. You know that, don't you?"

Nick just smiled as he gathered his medical kit and left Sheppard alone with the boys.

"You Lanteans are a strange bunch," said one of the boys.

"So I've been told," replied Sheppard.

They sat in silence for several minutes as the boys thought about what Sheppard had said. They seemed more confused than angry. Sheppard finally stood up. "Break over, for me at least. I need to get back to work if I'm ever going to finish this thing. I will ask that you refrain from pummeling me with rocks in the future, though. Not only does it hurt, but you're likely to get shot. My friends are a little extra protective of me lately."

The boys got to their feet. "We won't be throwing any more rocks," said the tall boy.

Sheppard smiled. "Good." He twisted around to pick up the bag he brought along for garbage. "Let's put our trash in here. I wouldn't want to pollute your planet." When he straightened back up, holding the bag open for their cans, he caught their surprised looks.

"We . . . we did that, didn't we?"

Sheppard felt his face flush hot as he realized what they were talking about. He didn't know what to say, so he just stood looking down at the bag in his hands.

"We . . . we didn't know. We're sorry. We thought . . . Kolya told us . . ."

Sheppard looked back up at the boys. "You didn't have all the information. I understand that." But he couldn't quite bring himself to say that it was okay, because it wasn't. Nor could he tell them not to worry about it, because he thought that any time you harmed a person they way they had hurt him, you needed to worry about it, retribution or no.

"Thanks for the drinks," one said as they backed away, fresh frowns on their faces. Sheppard recognized guilt when he saw it. And while he never wanted them to forget, he did hope that they'd come to terms with it soon.

Nick appeared alongside Sheppard, who was watching the retreating forms of the three boys. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he said, his eyes still on the boys.

"Why don't we call it a day and get you back to Atlantis?"

"Not yet. I've got a lot to do and a few more frustrations to work out. I'll let you know."

Nick stepped directly in front of Sheppard. "You have a head injury. I really think we should get back and let Carson look at you."

"I told you, Nick. I'm fine. It's not a concussion. I've had my share and this isn't one. I need to work a while longer."

Nick studied Sheppard closely. "You'll tell me if you get dizzy or nauseous?"

"Yeah, scout's honor."

Nick sighed as Sheppard walked away. "Now why do I get the feeling you weren't a scout?"

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Over 300 reviews! Man, you guys know how to make a girl blush. Thank you very much. My apologies for the long delay – mountain of papers to grade that just wouldn't wait any longer. Unfortunately I have this day job I actually have to work at (go figure). Writing fan fiction is TOTALLY fun, but the pay sucks!

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 18

"Doc, doc, hey!" Sheppard jerked away from Beckett's probing fingers. "That hurts! Nick already stitched it up on the planet. What are you doing?"

"Hold still, Colonel or I'll get one of the nurses to hold you down." Beckett sighed loudly. Sometimes they acted just like children.

"This wasn't my fault, you know."

Beckett backed up. "I know. Nick told me what happened. He also told me how you handled those boys. I have to admit, I'm not sure I could have done that."

"They're just kids. I know they have to take responsibility for their actions, but they're young enough that they still assume their leaders are telling them the truth. It wasn't completely their fault."

"Aye, but still, it had to be hard."

Sheppard didn't answer, looking past Beckett toward the wall.

Carson took that as a signal to change the subject. "Have you had any nausea or dizziness since it happened?"

"No, just a bit of a headache."

Beckett chuckled. "I'll bet. Let's have a look at your chest." He pulled Sheppard's shirt up. "You got scraped a bit. Go ahead and take your shirt off and let's clean that up."

Sheppard slowly pulled his shirt up and over his head. "Doc, I'd really like to get a shower and crawl into bed. Is this going to take much longer? 'Cause I'm beat."

"Not long. Just lay back for a sec."

Sheppard scooted back on the bed and twisted around, yawning and closing his eyes as he lay back against the pillow. He winced when Beckett probed his bruised chest, then felt the coolness of disinfectant as Beckett cleaned the scrape left by one of the rocks. He thought he heard Beckett say he was getting something for his headache, but then the sounds around him faded away.

oOo

"Would it have killed you to wake me up so I could go sleep in my quarters? It's not like I don't practically live in the infirmary already. I like to sleep in my own bed when I get the chance." Sheppard adjusted the pack on his back as he and Nick walked down the path to the lake.

"You were exhausted. What difference does it make where you sleep? Besides, I didn't want to get slugged in the nose again."

"Oh, ha ha. Everyone's a comedian."

"We aim to please. Hey, would you like me to pitch in and help today? I've about exhausted all my 'talk to the natives' skills. I need something to keep me busy."

"I don't know, Doc. It involves getting very sweaty and dirty, in case you haven't noticed."

"What, you think I don't ever get dirty just because I'm a doctor? I helped my uncle build his house when I was in college. I can do construction."

"Well, this was supposed to be from me, but I've reached the point where it's going to be hard to do everything by myself. I probably could use a hand. I was going to get Ronon to do the really heavy lifting."

"Well, feel free to go with that thought. But I'd be happy to help with the less strenuous stuff. How's the head this morning?"

Sheppard laughed. "You just can't stop being a doctor, can you?"

"Do you ever stop being a soldier?"

"Touché, Doc."

They arrived at the site of the gazebo. Ronon, Teyla, and Lorne took the soldiers and spread out in their accustomed pattern after greeting and talking to the Genii soldiers. Nick and Sheppard heard them laughing as they split up and separated.

"At least the troops are getting along," commented Nick.

"Yeah, thank goodness for small favors. I thought they were going to shoot each other at first." Sheppard surveyed the partially finished gazebo. "You ready to rock, Doc? Pun intended."

Nick rolled his eyes. "I'm ready. What do you want me to do?"

oOo

It was mid-afternoon when Cowen approached the site of the gazebo construction. Several people were milling around talking and watching the work and he made sure to blend in with them. He noticed there were now two people working on the wooden beams that were beginning to form the top part of the structure. Squinting, he tried to tell which one was Sheppard. Both men were tall and lean with dark hair, shirtless and sweaty as they carried lumber. If he hadn't already been introduced, he might have thought they were brothers. When one of the men turned to walk away from him, he knew which one was the Colonel.

Cowen smiled to himself as he observed Kolya's handiwork. Although he had been mildly impressed at Sheppard's desire to build the memorial, he still harbored anger at him and all the people of Atlantis. Tyrus had been a close and loyal friend for many years and his loss had not been easy to accept. Although Cowen had long ago realized that the Lanteans had not meant for Tyrus to die, he still felt that their actions were directly responsible for the loss of his friend and the failure of the mission.

He would support the memorial efforts and protect Sheppard because he felt it was the best thing for his people. The wraith were a formidable enemy and he didn't feel they needed to make more. This action could be the foundation of a truce between their people, a fact he was sure Sheppard had considered when he made the offer. Satisfied that Sheppard was doing what he said he'd come there to do, Cowen turned and headed back to the settlement.

"Did you see him?" asked Ronon.

"I did," answered Teyla. "He was checking up on us."

"I wish Sheppard would hurry up with that thing. This place gives me the creeps."

Teyla turned from watching Cowen to glance at Ronon. "And how do you think it makes the Colonel feel?"

"Good point. I still wish he would hurry."

oOo

Elizabeth watched as the hot, weary group shuffled through the gate, literally dragging their packs on the ground. They stood there looking at one another as the gate shut down, signaling they were finally home. Sheppard looked up at Elizabeth and nodded.

"Carson wants you in the infirmary," she called down. She grinned when he rolled his eyes in response.

"Naturally. He thinks he's my mother. You'd think the lack of an accent would have clued him in by now."

"He just wants to make sure you haven't torn any stitches loose. I'm glad you're all back safe."

Sheppard waved and walked beside Nick as they headed for the infirmary. Teyla and Ronon climbed the stairs to Elizabeth.

"Teyla, Ronon, how are things going?"

Teyla smiled and nodded her head. "I have been surprised. Except for the rock-throwing incident yesterday, things are going well. The people we have talked to seem surprised but receptive to the idea of the memorial. Perhaps this will smooth things over between our two peoples."

"I hope so," said Elizabeth. "We have enough trouble trying to stay one step ahead of the wraith without having to worry about the Genii as well."

"This may bring peace for a while, but do not expect it to last. The Genii are a very selfish and they will eventually decide that they want more than what is theirs again."

Elizabeth chewed thoughtfully on the end of her lip. "You may be right. But at least this may give us some time. How is John doing?"

"I believe that he enjoys the work. He exhausts himself, but he seems relaxed while he is working. I think this is good for him."

"He _is_ working hard for someone who's basically lazy," said Ronon.

Elizabeth frowned. "Did you just call John lazy?"

Ronon put his hands up in defense. "His words, not mine."

Elizabeth smiled and cocked one eyebrow. "Lazy, huh. I'll have to remember that."

oOo

"Ronon," barked Teyla, the tone immediately causing him to spin and face her. He followed her gaze as she nodded toward where Sheppard and Strauhan worked in the afternoon sun. The gazebo behind them had really taken shape and was nearing completion. But it was the uniformed figure striding purposefully toward Sheppard that caught Ronon's attention. Kolya.

"That's not good," he mumbled as he and Telya began walking toward the men.

"Major Lorne," called Teyla on the radio. "Commander Kolya is here."

Lorne had been on the other side of the field talking to some of the local people when Teyla's warning came in over his radio. "I'm on my way." His posture changed from relaxed to full alert as he tightened his grip on his weapon and headed back toward where Sheppard had been working.

"Nick, we're almost done with the . . ." Sheppard dropped the board he had been holding as Kolya stopped about eight feet in front of him. "Well, look what the cat dragged in."

Kolya frowned at him. "I do not see any cats here, Colonel. You speak strangely, as usual. Perhaps you've been in the sun too long."

"I appreciate your concern, Commander. You're not getting soft are you?"

Nick came to stand beside Sheppard. "Is this Kolya?"

"Oh yeah, this is Commander Acastus Kolya. Commander, this is Dr. Strauhan. He's a big admirer of your work."

Kolya sneered. "I made one mistake, Sheppard—I sent you back. I will correct that mistake soon. You are abomination to the Genii people and you have no right to be here."

"Well, that's a matter of opinion and it doesn't happen to be Cowen's. Last time I checked, he's the one making all the decisions. Guess he doesn't value your opinion much, does he? Wonder why that is?"

Kolya's grin had slowly dissolved into a grimace and his eyes flashed with anger. "Do not push me, Sheppard. I will not stand on my home soil and be insulted by the likes of you."

"Colonel?" Nick questioned as Sheppard pushed him to the side without ever taking his eyes off Kolya. The doctor was relieved to see the rest of the team moving up closer to where the confrontation was taking place. He began edging over toward Teyla and Ronon, still watching the two men facing off before him.

"You might want to take those words back, Kolya, because I think that was an insult. Cowen sent you off world for a reason. He didn't want you and your whining around while we worked and he probably thought you'd go all postal on us."

"There it is again, Sheppard. Throwing out those phrases in attempt to put me off guard."

"Not really such a hard task with you. I'd have thought you smarter than that. Tsk, tsk."

Kolya lunged at Sheppard so fast he barely had time to register the motion and react. Both men went flying to the ground, sending up a cloud of dust. As they scrabbled on the ground, Lanteans and Genii formed a rough semi-circle around them but didn't get too close; no one wanted to become an accidental part of the fight and walk away injured, and no one wanted to steal his leader's chance to finally settle this.

Kolya and Sheppard broke apart and each one got to his feet. Sheppard's lip was split and Kolya's nose was bleeding. Both were panting heavily, their clothes covered with dirt and grass.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Sheppard.

Kolya smiled. "Why, are you afraid?"

Sheppard snorted. "Hardly. I just hate to embarrass you in front of your people. No . . . never mind. Actually, I think I'll rather enjoy the opportunity to humiliate you. Turnabout's fair play, as they say. I think it's finally my turn to inflict a little pain in your life."

Kolya started to respond, but Sheppard didn't give him the chance, rushing him and driving his head into the man's unprotected chest and knocking them both to the ground again. With the breath knocked out of him, Kolya's attempts to block Sheppard's blows were feeble and the pilot got in several jabs to his enemy's face. Sheppard was so focused on pounding Kolya that he didn't see the man pick up a rock and swing it his direction. Kolya's aim was off because of his position and the beating he was taking, so he only landed a glancing blow off the side of Sheppard's head, but it was enough to dislodge the man from his seat across Kolya's midriff.

Sheppard lay dazed in the dirt, blood oozing down the side of his head, wishing his vision would clear so that he could see where Kolya was. As he pushed himself up to his hands and knees, he could see the Genii doing the same just a few feet away. Thank goodness Kolya looked about as dizzy as he felt.

Both men got unsteadily to their feet.

Teyla moved to stand by Major Lorne. "Major, I think one of your men should to go back to the gate and send for a puddle jumper. I do not believe the Colonel will be in any shape to walk home when this is over."

Lorne nodded. "I was just having the same thought myself. I may have them stash a couple of extra soldiers in the back in case we need backup when it comes time to go."

Sheppard and Kolya were engaged in a back and forth dance of stomach punches and jabs to the face. Both men were struggling to stay on their feet and it became obvious the fight couldn't go on much longer. Then Sheppard lunged to Kolya's right. As the Genii soldier reacted, Sheppard twisted and moved to Kolya's left in a burst of energy that surprised everyone there, bringing his elbow up to smash against the side of Kolya's head. As the man's head snapped to the side, Sheppard swept his feet out from under him with one leg, sending the man forcefully to the ground.

Sheppard stumbled but managed to remain on his feet as he stood over Kolya, prepared to attack the man again. But Kolya lay still. As the dust settled all around them, Sheppard turned and walked toward where Teyla, Nick, and Ronon stood.

He felt blood, sweat, and dirt smeared across his face and neck and plastering his hair to his head. As he walked, he saw Ronon and Teyla bring their guns up, almost in slow motion, and heard all three of them shout. He pivoted on one foot to face Kolya just in time to see the muzzle flash and feel the hot, heavy pressure impact his chest, the force knocking him to the ground and taking his breath away.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks again for the many wonderful reviews. Thanks again to Rachel and Kathy for their many ideas and for doing the beta thing. You guys rock!

The delay is not my fault this time. I have been trying to post this chapter all day and the site will not let me for some reason. When it finally does post (I'm hoping it eventually will), just remember I spent MANY hours trying to get it to you. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown if it doesn't post soon!

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 19

Sheppard tried desperately to draw air into his lungs, blinking against burning pain and pressure in his chest. The voices around him sounded hollow, as if their owners were talking into a barrel, and though he couldn't quite make out any words, his vision finally cleared enough for him to see Nick lean forward and press a bloody cloth to his chest. The pain was immediate and staggering and he tried to tell the doctor that he couldn't breathe, but he ended up coughing instead. This definitely wasn't good.

"Hang on, Colonel, help is on the way." Nick met Sheppard's gaze as he listened to the man struggle to suck in enough air. He saw fear in his eyes. "Where's that jumper? I need it here ten minutes ago! Ronon, come here."

Through the haze, Sheppard saw Ronon take over the job of applying pressure. Nick moved to his other side and rummaged through the medical kit, but Sheppard couldn't see what the man was looking for; his vision was fading. Then the pressure against his chest increased and he threw his head back and gasped, the pain of it bringing his world harshly back into focus.

"Sheppard, stay with me. Look at me, Colonel!" Suddenly Ronon was there, almost in his face. "Come on Sheppard, don't give up now. You did pretty good out there. I didn't know you could fight like that."

Sheppard grunted. "Lot . . . don't know." He paid for the words with a coughing fit that left him tasting blood. Okay, another not so good sign. No more talking. He was aware of movement and others talking around him, but he couldn't hold on to consciousness any longer.

Sheppard was next aware of being jostled, which aggravated the pain in his chest. He moaned as he opened his eyes a slit, feeling hands moving him onto a stretcher. Breathing was a little easier because an oxygen mask was being pressed to his face. It helped, but he still wasn't getting enough air. He moaned again as the stretcher was set down inside a jumper, jolting him.

"Sorry, Colonel," Nick said, appearing over him. "Hang in there. We'll have you home in a minute. And you better not think about checking out early 'cause Carson's already going to kill me." Nick plastered on his best artificial smile as he adjusted the drip on Sheppard's IV.

Sheppard opened his mouth to make a retort, but ended up coughing instead, sending spasms of pain through his chest. Suddenly he was choking, his lungs were burning and he gagged and struggled vainly to suck in some air. Hands pushed him up and voices told him to breathe, but he couldn't, and his back arched against the agony and the lack of oxygen as the world around him gave way to nothing.

oOo

Elizabeth rushed into the jumper bay as Carson, Nick, and a medical team hurried by with Sheppard's pale and bloodied form on a stretcher. One of the nurses was squeezing the ambu bag attached to a tube in Sheppard's throat while Nick applied pressure to a chest wound. She could hear the heart monitor beeping erratically. Before she could ask anything, they were gone, and she was left standing there to gather her thoughts and emotions.

Teyla, Ronon, and Lorne emerged from the back of the jumper.

"What happened?" she asked.

They exchanged glances and then Lorne replied. "Kolya showed up."

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Kolya? He just walked up and shot John?" she asked sharply.

"No," replied Teyla. "He and Colonel Sheppard exchanged words, and then Kolya attacked him. They fought for several minutes until it appeared that Kolya was unconscious, but he pulled a gun and shot the Colonel before we had time to react."

"Where is he now?"

"We shot him," said Ronon. "Unfortunately, he isn't dead. The Genii took him to their version of a doctor. We didn't stick around to find out any more. We had to get Sheppard back."

"All right, I'll want a full report later." Elizabeth clicked her radio on. "Rodney, this is Elizabeth."

oOo

McKay rushed into the infirmary where Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon, and Major Lorne stood talking to a nurse.

"Elizabeth, where is he? How is he? What happened?"

"Calm down, Rodney, and we'll tell you." Elizabeth nodded to the nurse.

"I'll let you know if there's anything new," Marcy said.

Elizabeth turned back to Rodney. "John's in surgery. Kolya shot him in the chest and it looks like the bullet punctured a lung. He stopped breathing on the way in and they had to intubate him. Other than that, we don't know much."

"How could this happen? I thought the point of sending soldiers with him was for protection. What were his bodyguards doing while he was getting shot?"

"You were not there, Dr. McKay," said Teyla sharply. "The situation seemed to be under control. Colonel Sheppard and Commander Kolya were fighting and the Colonel seemed to have knocked Kolya unconscious. When he turned to walk away, however, the Commander pulled a gun. We tried to warn the Colonel and stop Kolya, but we were not fast enough."

"We did what we could," said Ronon. "We were trying to let Sheppard handle the situation."

"Yeah? Well . . . well it looks like you should have helped him just a little bit more."

oOo

Nick plopped down in the chair and leaned forward, resting his forehead in his hand and his elbow on his knee. Carson sat down in the chair beside him and put his hand on Nick's shoulder.

"You did a good job, Nick. He's going to be okay."

Nick sighed. "I know. None of this should ever have happened. He shouldn't be lying in there. He shouldn't have to go through this."

"Aye, I know. He's been through more than his fair share lately. You and the Colonel have struck up a bit of a friendship, haven't you?"

"Yeah, we have." Nick sat up, rubbing his hands against his thighs and then resting them on his knees, watching them tremble slightly. 'I've never been that close to someone who got shot. He was just a few feet in front of me. I saw Kolya bring the gun up . . . and there was nothing I could do. I yelled and then . . . I just watched Kolya shoot him. He just shot him! The Colonel wasn't armed, or anything . . . heck, he didn't even have a shirt on. He just . . . shot him."

Carson put his hand on Nick's shoulder again. "Son, I know it's hard to understand. Kolya is very different from us, very brutal. Unfortunately, the wraith aren't the only danger in this galaxy and sometimes we're goin' to get hurt. And sometimes we're goin' to lose people. Let's just be glad we didn't lose anyone this round."

Nick nodded. "I know. Thanks, Carson."

Beckett stood up. "I'd better go talk to his team. I know they're waiting."

As Beckett left, Kelly came in and walked over to Nick. "Are you okay?"

Nick looked up at her. "I'm not sure. I haven't decided yet."

Kelly smiled as she brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. "I know what you need. You need a big hug."

Nick smiled back up at her. "A hug, huh?"

"My mom always gave us a big hug when the world came crashing down on us. She always said that when the people you love are hurting, you give them a love hug to make them feel better."

Nick winced. "A love hug? She actually said that?"

Kelly took him by the hands and pulled him to his feet. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head up against his shoulder. Nick responded by putting his arms around Kelly and holding her tight as he felt her snuggle up against his chest. The tension actually started to fade and the shaking began to slack off as they stood in their firm embrace.

"I think I love your mom," he whispered.

oOo

Beckett wasn't surprised to see Rodney pacing the floor while the others sat in chairs. He knew the scientist would be even more frantic than usual since he hadn't been there when Sheppard was shot. Rodney saw him coming and alerted the others, so that they were standing in a semicircle waiting for him by the time he reached the edge of the infirmary.

"He came through the surgery well. We've got him stabilized and he's resting in recovery. He'll be on the ventilator for a day or two to give his lung a chance to heal a bit before it has to work too hard, but he should be okay."

"I want to see him," demanded Rodney.

"Not yet. Wait til we get him out of recovery and then I'll give you a minute or two. We'll be keepin' him sedated until I take him off the ventilator, so he won't know you're there."

"That's okay. I just need to see that he's okay."

Teyla placed a hand on Rodney's arm, nodding at him and then looking to Beckett. "We would also like to see the Colonel. After what happened . . ."

Beckett nodded. "I understand. Just wait here a bit longer. I'll let you know when we get him settled."

"How is Dr. Strauhan?" asked Ronon.

"He's all right. A little shaken, I think, but okay. I'm thankful the lot of you were there. Nick has told me how you helped with the Colonel. He said he would never have made it back alive if you hadn't been there to help."

Teyla smiled. "Then I am thankful that we were there."

"Me too," said Elizabeth. "Looks like the Colonel had the right people on his team."

oOo

The trip back to consciousness was a slow and painful one. The pain crept in quickly, but awareness of his surroundings came only a little at a time. Fuzzy sounds, eventually distinct enough to make out speakers and even words. Touch. One by one he made sense of the tubes and monitor lines, and there seemed to be a lot of them. He tried to remember how he got here.

Sheppard flinched as the memory of the muzzle flash and the impact of the bullet flashed through his mind. The movement kicked up pain and drew a moan from him. Then footsteps.

"Colonel?" Pressure on his wrist as someone took his pulse. He could feel the tug of sleep and began drifting back toward it. He wasn't ready for this yet.

"Colonel, I need you to open your eyes for a minute and then you can go back to sleep."

"Nnnoo," Sheppard groaned. He was surprised to get that much out.

"Okay, now I know you really are awake, so open your eyes for me."

Sheppard was coherent enough to realize that the sooner he cooperated and opened his eyes, the sooner he could go back to sleep. He struggled through several tries before he finally opened his lids enough to see blurry shapes moving before him, blinking a few times to clear away some of the haze.

"Much better, lad," said Beckett, smiling down at him.

"Throat," he managed to get out, his voice as rough and scratchy as his throat actually felt. He needed to swallow, but couldn't find enough moisture to try.

He opened his mouth in response to ice chips against his lips and realized that he had let his eyes close again. Holding the ice between his tongue and the roof of his mouth, he let the cool water trickle down his raw throat, savoring the few seconds of numbness it provided.

"Sorry about the throat, Colonel. I'm afraid you were on a ventilator until yesterday. But you're doing much better now and you're going to be fine. Do you remember what happened?"

"Kolya."

"Yes, Kolya shot you. Teyla and Major Lorne shot him, and he's now recovering in Genii custody. He's under arrest for attempted murder and treason."

Sheppard frowned. "Treason?"

"Yes, treason. It seems when you shoot an emissary from another planet on a peaceful mission and risk putting the planet at war, you have committed treason. According to Cowen, the punishment is death and Commander Kolya is likely to be convicted. You've made quite an impression on some of the Genii people."

The edges of Sheppard's mouth turned up slightly. "Wish . . . be on . . . firing . . . squad."

Beckett patted him gently on his good shoulder. "I wish you could too, Colonel. Lord knows you deserve to be."

Sheppard drifted off imagining the look on Kolya's face as he put a bullet between his eyes, the smile staying on his lips even in sleep.

oOo

Rodney walked into Elizabeth's office to find her hunched over her desk, her face in her hands. "Elizabeth, are you okay?"

When she looked up, he couldn't miss the lines of exhaustion in her face.

"We almost lost him. Again."

Rodney sat down in the chair across from her. "I know. Personally, I think we should lock him in the infirmary. Or maybe his quarters."

Elizabeth smiled. "I will admit, that thought has crossed my mind. You'd have to chain him to his bed to keep him in there."

McKay sighed. "There is that. He's so much trouble."

"I know. But I need him. I need both of you. Times like this remind me of just how much I've come to depend on you two to run this city. I'm not sure I could do it without you. And you've both become very special friends, as well. Every time one of you gets hurt like this, it scares me to death."

"Hey, I'm not the one always getting shot or kidnapped or tortured or turned into a bug."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. "No, you just nearly blow yourself up, overdose on wraith enzyme, get exposed to nanoviruses, and get trapped in a jumper stuck at the bottom of the ocean."

Rodney leaned back in his chair. "Okay, so I'm a lot of trouble too, but I'm worth it. I save the city on a regular basis." Elizabeth cocked an eyebrow at him. "Okay, okay . . . Sheppard saves the city sometimes too."

Elizabeth sighed loudly. "It's a wonder either one of you is still alive. I think my best bet is to start training Radek and Major Lorne as replacements."

oOo

Sheppard shifted positions, trying in vain to get comfortable. His chest hurt and the stitches itched and it was driving him crazy. On top of that, he was bored out of his mind and too weak to do anything about it. He scratched at the tape securing the IV to the back of his hand.

"Stop that, Colonel!" Marcy came up to Sheppard's bed, his chart in her hand.

"It itches. Are you guys using some new kind of tape, because I don't remember it ever itching like this before."

Marcy took Sheppard's hand and examined the back of it. "Same tape we've always used and this looks fine. At least it will if you leave it alone. I need to check your dressing."

Sheppard winced as he leaned forward for her to pull the hospital gown down to his waist, then laid back against the pillow. Although she always tried to be careful, she inevitably got a few chest hairs caught in the tape, which really upped the enjoyment value of having his injury and incision site poked and prodded. He kept telling Beckett they needed a special dose of pain meds just for the dressing change, but Beckett just told him to suck it up. The man definitely had empathy problems.

It was several minutes and a few ouches later before Marcy proclaimed, "Okay, I'm done."

"Hey, I don't suppose Dr. Beckett mentioned anything about me getting scrubs, did he?"

"No, not yet. It's probably going to be a few days, Colonel, so don't get your hopes up. On the up side though, I have got a nice clean gown for you." She bit back the devilish grin at his reaction – always the same – a look of loathing that was a 'John Sheppard original'. Nobody could hate a gown like he could. He didn't know it, but he'd almost turned it into an art form. Then there was his involuntary response of pulling his blankets up and clutching at them tightly. She coughed to try and kill the overpowering need to giggle at the battle-trained soldier before her now acting almost like a child.

Very professionally, Marcy lifted the old gown out of the way and slid the new one onto Sheppard's arms. She allowed him to tuck the bottom edge under the covers while he carefully held the blankets in place. Sheppard leaned forward again as she tucked the gown in behind his neck and tied it.

"I'll be back with some lunch in just a bit."

"Yeah, thanks," groused Sheppard.

Marcy patted his hand. "It's not so bad. You'll be back on your feet in no time."

As Marcy left, Rodney walked in and plopped down in the chair next to the bed. "You look like you just lost your best friend."

"Rodney, do you need something or are you just here to annoy me?"

"Well hello to you too, pal. I was going to stop by and see how you were doing, but you're obviously right back to your same old insulting self." Rodney crossed his arms across his chest and tried to glare, but he couldn't hold it in the face of Sheppard's lopsided grin. He gave up and smiled back. "So, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Doc says everything's healing nicely. I'm just bored and my stitches itch and I'm so weak it scares me. And you might as well say it and get it over with."

Rodney raised his eyebrows. "Say what?"

Sheppard gave him a sideways glance. "You know what."

"Look, I'm a genius, not a mind reader. So we can play the guessing game all day, or you can just tell me what you're talking about."

"Go ahead and say 'I told you so'."

"Why would I say that? Oh . . . Kolya. Well, I was right about that, but I was wrong about the rest."

"You should probably get Carson."

McKay snapped forward, his brows creasing together. "Why? What's the matter?"

"I think I'm hallucinating. I thought you just said you were wrong about something."

Rodney relaxed back into the chair and rolled his eyes. "How childish, Colonel. I'm trying to tell you that I was wrong about the reaction of the Genii people, and about the idea in general. I should have known you'd have to turn it into something—"

"McKay! Thanks."

Rodney spent a few seconds in open-mouthed silence before managing, "Well, you're welcome." And then, "So, tell me about this gazebo you've been building. I hear you talked Dr. Strauhan into helping with the physical labor. Nice job."

Sheppard grinned as he told Rodney about the project.

TBC

Note: You've almost made it. One more chapter!


	20. Chapter 20

You've made it to the end of another long one. I guess I'm a close cousin to the Energizer bunny – I just keep going and going and going. Any-hoo, thanks once again for your patience and the many wonderful reviews. You guys make me do a happy dance.

Thanks to Kathy for finally getting chapter 19 to post before I went crazy and for all the encouragement and ideas and the chapters you helped beta. Thank you to Rachel for the ideas, the editing, and the beta work. I couldn't have done it without you guys!

The Day of Reckoning – Chapter 20

Sheppard stepped out of the back of the jumper, squinting against the burst of sunlight as he slid his sunglasses on. The sun felt good on his face and arms after what seemed like an eternity in the infirmary, and he stepped without hesitation off the ramp and walked across the field toward the gazebo. Part of him had been afraid he'd return to find it destroyed or the materials missing, but everything looked as he had left it.

"Colonel, not so fast."

Sheppard sighed as he stopped and turned around, watching Nick hurry to catch up.

"Colonel, I need to review a few things with you before we get started."

"Since my hearing is still in tact and I'm not suffering from amnesia _and_ Beckett just drilled this into my head before we left, I don't think that will be necessary, Doc."

Nick crossed his arms. "Well, Carson thought, given your history, that I might just review the rules one more time once we arrived on the planet. I tend to agree."

"Okay, let me see . . . no heavy lifting or strenuous activity of any kind, no getting too hot, no running or even walking too fast, take a break at least every two hours, drink plenty of water, and, oh yeah, my personal favorite, lay down for an hour after lunch. Does that cover everything?"

Nick smiled. "Almost. No fighting or getting shot, either."

Sheppard groaned. "And I was beginning to like you."

Nick tilted his head. "You don't have to like me, Colonel, you just have to do what I say. I'd kind of like to get you back in one piece this time."

Sheppard turned and started walking toward the gazebo again, Nick keeping pace beside him. "John."

Nick glanced at Sheppard. "What?"

"You might as well call me John. It's easier and, after all, I've been calling you Nick."

"Oh, thanks. I thought you decided you didn't like me."

Sheppard waved his hand at him. "I don't, but you can still call me John."

Nick smiled and nodded. "Well, as long as we're clear on that."

oOo

Cowen showed up within an hour of their arrival. "Colonel Sheppard, it is good to see you back on your feet. I would like to offer the apologies of the Genii people. We do not condone the shooting of unarmed men. Commander Kolya will be punished, I assure you."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. We're almost finished. We should be out of your hair by the end of the day."

Cowen frowned at him. "What?"

"Oh, sorry. We should be out of your way by the end of the day."

Cowen nodded. "Colonel, we have an annual celebration tomorrow evening and when the weather is nice, as it is now, we often have it out by the lake. Since you will be finished by then, I think it would be appropriate if we made it a dual event and presented the gazebo to the people. It would be nice if you and your team and, of course, Dr. Weir could join us."

"I will have to check with Dr. Weir, but I think we could do that. I'll have her radio you when we return."

"Good. I hope we will see you there. I'll let you finish your work. I have to admit, Colonel, it's looking quite nice."

"We're doing our best."

Cowen turned and began walking back down the path toward the settlement, while Sheppard took the opportunity to check on his people in the field. He waved at Teyla and Ronon and they waved back. Well, Teyla waved and Ronon kind of nodded. He spotted Lorne across the field throwing a ball for some kids and grinned. Lorne had apparently developed quite a following among the younger Genii. More progress in the truce department.

An hour later, Nick climbed down from the ladder and wiped the sweat from his face. Although it wasn't as hot as the last time they had been to the planet, it was starting to get uncomfortably warm.

"Colonel . . . uh, John, how are you doing over there? You're not trying to move that bench by yourself, are you?"

Hearing no response, Nick walked around to the front of the gazebo. His attention was drawn inside the structure by a wheezing sound and he looked in to find Sheppard on his knees in front of a wooden bench, struggling to catch his breath.

"John! I told you not to carry that in there by yourself." Nick dug frantically through the medical bag for the portable oxygen tank. Grabbing it, he helped Sheppard up to sit on the bench and pressed the mask against his face.

"Breathe, John. Slow, deep breaths. That's it."

Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall and followed Nick's instructions. After a few minutes, he felt the constriction in his chest begin to lessen and the lightheadedness begin to fade. He went to pull the mask off his face, only to have his hand slapped.

"Leave it there for a few more minutes. I'll tell you when you can take it off," Nick snapped. Sheppard surmised from the frown on his face that Nick was pissed off in a major way.

"Sorry," he said from under the mask.

"Quit talking and just breathe."

Okay, he was in big trouble. By the time Nick pulled the mask off his face, Sheppard was almost afraid to say anything. He sat looking at his feet for a few moments before he spoke. "I didn't think it was that heavy."

Nick sighed. "Why do you think we tell you this stuff? We're trying to protect your health. If you had waited just two more minutes, I'd have been over here to help you."

Sheppard shifted his gaze up to Nick. "I'm serious, I didn't think the bench was very heavy and I certainly didn't have to move it very far. I just didn't think there was any way I couldn't move it."

"Ordinarily, I'm sure it wouldn't have been a problem. But you have to remember that right now you're still very weak, you're still healing, and you've been out here working for almost two hours. I was actually just about to tell you that we needed to take a break."

"Now you tell me," Sheppard drawled.

"So not getting you out of the lecture."

"It was worth a try."

"Excuse me, is one of you Colonel Sheppard?"

The two men looked up to find a tall Genii man standing in the doorway of the gazebo. They stood up and Nick put his hand out to steady Sheppard.

"I'm okay," Sheppard said. He turned to the man, who was slightly taller and several years older than he was. "I am. What can I do for you?"

"I'm Galen. I believe you met my nephew and a couple of his friends when you were here before. He said you gave them a . . . soda?"

Sheppard grinned. "Yes, I remember. Are they okay?"

The man nodded. "Yes, they are fine. They were here the day Kolya shot you. They were on their way to ask if they could have another soda."

Sheppard looked down for a moment. "I'm sorry they had to see that. Were they very upset?"

"They were very worried about you. They told me about the fight and how Kolya shot you, even though you were unarmed. They are like many of our people in that they have looked up to Commander Kolya as a hero and a role model for many years. It is somewhat disheartening to find out that your hero is really a coward."

"Yeah, that can be a problem. I guess they aren't too pleased with him being in prison."

"Since they were witness to what he did, they feel he is getting what he deserves. I do believe they feel badly about what happened to you. They have talked a lot about the things you said to them and they have done some thinking about the things they did to you. They have been hard lessons, but I believe the boys have learned much from these experiences."

Sheppard nodded. "I'm sure they have. Tell them if they want to come by, we brought sodas with us and they're welcome to have one."

"We have more than that to ask, Colonel. I know you are still healing and I see you've had a hard time of it this morning. We would like to help you finish the structure. I have helped build several buildings and I know what to do. It appears that you are almost finished."

"We are almost finished. I appreciate the offer, but this is something I wanted to do for your people. I really think I need to be the one to do the work."

"Colonel Sheppard, you don't owe our people anything! I was a soldier when I was younger and I killed many people in my day. I never enjoyed it and I never did it without cause, but nevertheless, I killed people. It was in defense of my people and I was never made to give restitution for those deaths. People die in war, and as a soldier defending your home and your people, you did what you had to do."

Sheppard looked into Galen's face, seeing the sadness in his eyes. "Thank you. I appreciate your saying that."

"I lost two brothers in that attack and it was not your fault. That's why I didn't attend Kolya's retribution ceremony. My people were not justified in what they did to you and I find it a great embarrassment. And now you have been made to suffer unjustly again at the hands of Kolya. Please, Colonel, it is only fitting that we help you complete this. Let me help."

Sheppard stood, still stunned at what the man was telling him. He turned as Nick put his hand on his shoulder and then nodded at him. Sheppard looked back to Galen.

"I'd be honored to have you help us finish the gazebo."

Galen smiled broadly. "Thank you. The boys will be along in a minute. They had to finish up their chores first."

"Why don't we sit down and I'll show you what we lack. Hey, you could try a soda."

Galen nodded. "I'd like that."

oOo

Sheppard stood looking at the gazebo. It was finished. "Old man Harrington would be proud."

"Who?" asked Nick, walking up to stand beside him.

"Mr. Harrington, the man I worked for in high school. He taught me how to build these things. I think he'd be surprised to find out how much I remember." Sheppard frowned and rubbed the back of his head.

"Headache?" asked Nick.

"No, I was just remembering. He used to smack me on the back of the head and say, 'Pay attention, Sheppard, you're not listening.'" Sheppard waved his hand as if he was hitting someone and imitated the old man's voice.

Nick laughed. "So, were you? Listening?"

Sheppard grinned. "Not usually."

A soft scraping noise behind them caught their attention and they turned around to see an old woman with a cane shuffling toward them. Sheppard recognized her immediately. "Nick, give me a minute."

Nick began gathering their stuff together as Sheppard went to meet her.

The old woman looked up at him, bringing her hand up to touch his cheek in much the same way she had once before. His mind flashed back to hanging limp from shackles, bleeding and nearly unconscious. And to the unexpected compassion from the woman who lost her grandson.

"It _is_ you, isn't it?" she whispered.

"Yes, ma'am. I didn't forget what you said or the way you treated me. You were the only one that—"

She placed her fingers on his lips. "Shhh. I knew you were a good man. I can tell these things. I knew you wouldn't forget my grandson."

"No ma'am, I didn't. What was your grandson's name?"

"Tobias. He was a good man, too. You remind me of him."

Sheppard swallowed hard, then said, "Come with me. I'd like to show you something." He led her into the gazebo and it only took him a minute to find the right name; he was a little surprised to realize that he remembered most of the names and where they had ended up in the structure. He showed the woman the stone with her grandson's name.

She gently traced the letters with her finger before turning to face him. "Thank you, Colonel. You have honored my grandson and all the others who died that day. What do you call this structure?"

Sheppard led her to one of the benches and then sat down beside her. "We call it a gazebo. They're fairly common where I come from."

"Tobias loved the outdoors and he loved to come to the lake. I will enjoy sitting here and remembering him. Thank you for doing this, especially after the way you were treated."

"You are the reason I did it. I kept thinking about your kindness and what you said. In fact, I should probably be thanking you. I've enjoyed building it . . . I think in a way I needed it. I also believe it may help form a truce between our people." She smiled at him, and he could see wetness in her eyes. "I don't even know your name."

"Omarah. My name is Omarah."

Sheppard smiled. "Omarah, my name is John."

Omarah took his hand in hers. "John, would you sit with me for a minute and let an old woman tell you about her grandson?"

"I'd be honored."

oOo

Sheppard enjoyed watching his team at the feast prepared by the Genii. Several large tables had been loaded with almost every kind of food imaginable and people were everywhere, eating, talking, and studying the gazebo. The team from Atlantis had brought two large coolers with sodas, since the drinks had become quite popular with some of the Genii. He was suddenly glad they had come. His team needed something fun to distract them from the brutal tension of the last several weeks.

Teyla and Ronon were laughing and talking to two of the Genii soldiers they had been doing 'guard duty' with in the fields surrounding the lake. If the military forces were getting along, then things were going well.

Farther down the table he spied Lorne, trying in vain to flirt with a pretty young Genii woman. She wanted to respond to his attention, but the children he'd been playing with the day before kept popping up, demanding their fair share. Cute, but not very romantic.

Across the table from Lorne was McKay, arguing with one of the Genii scientists. The man was apparently holding his own against McKay's verbal barrage of tacky comments and insults and returning many of them in kind. If you didn't know McKay very well, you'd swear he was really angry. Sheppard knew, however, that the man was enjoying every minute of it. He soon bored of people who got insulted and clammed up, but this time it was looking like he'd found a worthy opponent.

Kelly and Nick were a bit farther down the table, but as near as he could tell, they only had eyes for each other. They definitely had it bad. He wasn't completely sure they even knew what planet they were on.

He had a good team. They had banded together to save him from himself, and for that, he would be forever grateful. It occurred to him that if they hadn't stuck it out, he would currently be headed back to Earth. Just thinking of how close he'd almost come to losing everything that mattered to him made him shudder.

"You okay?" He turned to face Elizabeth, sitting next to him. He hadn't wanted her to come, fearing for her safety, but now he was glad that she had.

"Yeah. I was just thinking that if things had gone differently, I'd be sitting on the Daedalus on my way back to Earth right now. Kind of scary."

"I'm glad you're not. I'm proud of you, John. You've overcome a lot and turned it around to make a truce with the Genii. I'll make a diplomat out of you yet," she said, grinning at him.

Sheppard choked on his drink. "I wouldn't get your hopes up. One time accident, Elizabeth."

As they spoke, a man hurried up to Cowen and whispered in his ear. Cowen closed his eyes and bowed his head, shaking it slowly. After a few seconds, he spoke to the man and got up, walking toward the two leaders of Atlantis. Elizabeth and John looked at each other uneasily and stood up to meet Cowen.

"Dr. Weir, Colonel, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I've just been informed that Kolya has escaped. We don't know if he's armed, so it might be safer if you go back to Atlantis."

Elizabeth nodded. "I think that would be best. I'll get our people together."

Cowen looked at Sheppard. "I am sorry, Colonel. Everything will be done to find him, I promise you that. He is a dangerous man. Now, please excuse me as I must see to the search."

Within a few minutes, they had the rest of the Lanteans rounded up and everyone headed for the jumper. Elizabeth walked with Sheppard, who remained quiet during the trek. When they reached the jumper, Elizabeth oversaw getting everyone and their supplies into the back of the ship. After a few minutes, she looked over to see Sheppard standing several yards from the jumper, staring into the dark forest. She walked over to stand by him.

"He's out there, Elizabeth. Watching us. Watching me. I can feel him." He peered intently into the dark.

"John, you need to come into the jumper. It's not safe out here. He'll be after you more than ever now."

Sheppard never moved his eyes. He put his hand on the butt of his sidearm and gripped it. "I can take him. I can end all of this tonight."

"No! You can't. You're still healing, John. He'll kill you."

"He's healing too, remember? I know he's here and I know he's watching me. Now is the time." He rubbed his hand along the butt of his gun, desperately wanting to kill Kolya. How could he explain to Elizabeth how much he hated that man, how much he needed him dead? Because of him, Kolya was running from his own people and that meant he'd be out for blood like never before.

"He's on his home planet. He knows this area and it's dark. Kolya has the advantage. There'll be another day, John. Not tonight. Please, come to the jumper. Please."

Sheppard hesitated, hearing Kolya laugh in his head. _That's right, Sheppard, run. _He gripped the gun again, part of him not caring how smart it was, aching to go after Kolya.

He heard someone come up to stand beside Elizabeth as he continued to stare into the dark, struggling to see his enemy somewhere besides in his head.

"Everyone's loaded Elizabeth. We're ready when you two get in the jumper."

"Thank you, Rodney. We'll be right there." He felt her hand on his arm, pulling him by the elbow. "Come on, John. Let's go home. You'll get him another day."

Sheppard stumbled backwards a couple of steps. He gave in to the other part of himself, the part that recognized the wisdom of Elizabeth's words, and allowed himself to be guided into the back of the jumper, never taking his eyes from the darkened trees in the distance.

As the hatch closed, Sheppard finally settled on the bench in the back compartment. Elizabeth sat next to him and patted his arm. "You did the right thing. You'll see him again some day."

Sheppard stared at the floor, wondering if Elizabeth understood just how true those words really were. He knew he'd be seeing Kolya tonight--knew that he'd be seeing him every night, every time he closed his eyes, until one of them was finally dead.

The End


End file.
